DEAR ABBY: How do I continue living without my husband by my side? We spent 44 wonderful years together, deeply in love. It’s been eight months since he passed away. He battled MS, spending his final six years in a nursing facility. Diagnosed at 47 and gone by 66 — much too young. The disease took a severe toll on him quickly, and his passing was prolonged and painful. My days are now filled with overwhelming emptiness, sorrow, and tears. — MISSING HIM IN MICHIGAN
DEAR MISSING HIM: I’m truly sorry for the loss of your dear husband. Have you considered joining a grief support group? If you have, perhaps an individual therapist might offer additional assistance on this journey.
Your message suggests you may be feeling very alone. To help fill the void, try stepping out to engage with others. Reconnect with friends, consider joining a gym since exercise can lift your spirits, and find a volunteer opportunity that resonates with you. Though you may always feel the absence of your husband, it’s important to remember that your own life still holds value. Please don’t let precious moments slip away.
DEAR ABBY: My husband’s 50th birthday (we’re both men) is approaching, and I wanted to have a surprise party for him. His family, my family and the two of us all live in different states on the East Coast. I thought a compromise would be to have the party in New Jersey (halfway) on a Saturday. I even offered to rent an Airbnb for the weekend, understanding that traveling might be too much for some folks.
Even after all these efforts, my mother-in-law responded that she feels having two separate parties (one in her state and one local to us) is a better solution. I am beyond mad that his family is unwilling to make any sacrifice to see him happy. His family has never once come to visit us. (We have made multiple trips there.)
I still want to have a celebration, but I’m worried that with his family absent it will upset him. He’s a smart man. He will know they were invited but didn’t bother to show up. I don’t want to cancel the party, but I also feel that asking us to have two separate ones is unreasonable and selfish on their part. Must I just cut bait and stop expecting them to care? — PLANNER IN MARYLAND
DEAR PLANNER: Your husband’s family is your husband’s family. By the age of 50, he is likely accustomed to their indifference, if that is their problem. Throw him a “surprise” party a couple of days before his actual birthday and invite friends to celebrate with you. Then, on his actual birthday, leave the hosting to his mother. (Hopefully, she will.) If she agrees, go there with a smile and try not to let your anger ruin the milestone occasion.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
