Former first lady Michelle Obama expressed the importance of parents “extending the leash” by letting kids take risks and fail.
On Wednesday, during her “IMO” podcast, Obama discussed her hopes for her daughters to develop confidence and independence, noting that these qualities can only be acquired through making mistakes and learning from them.
She remarked, “Many parents fear seeing their children fail. It’s incredibly difficult to witness your kids heading towards a mistake you foresaw and warned them about. But unless they experience it and learn from getting a proverbial bump on the head, they won’t truly understand. That’s tough for parents to watch.”
However, she emphasized, “Shielding your children from these experiences means depriving them of building their own capabilities. They need to understand that encountering difficulties is a part of learning. After a mishap, figure out how to handle it—seek help if needed, take care of the issue, and avoid repeating the mistake.”
“Let’s talk about it after the fact. But as you get older, I shouldn’t have to walk you through everything. I think it’s a constant exercise of extending the leash, always err on the side of making it longer.”
Obama said she believed some parents hold onto their kids too long despite their “ultimate job” being to teach them resilience.
She advised parents to start out when their kids are young with simple things such as going to school by themselves.
“Take some risks because you can land softly here,” she remarked.
During an episode of her podcast last week, Obama also warned parents against being too concerned with being their kids’ friends.
“So many people are trying to be their kids’ friends, and they think that that makes you closer,” Obama said. “But let me tell you, I was not my children’s friend. I love them deeply. There was respect. And, you know, for those of you trying to be friends with your kids, our kids love us just as much as adults.
“In fact, the relationship, I think, is even closer because now they’ve earned my friendship. Now we can be friends. Now, maybe you know something.”
