DEAR ABBY: Following my daughter “Trish” and her spouse’s separation, I maintained occasional contact with both of them. Trish had left him after admitting to an affair through email. He forwarded me her email, which included harsh words about me — she claimed she was “like” me and said I was “not a good person.” This stems from her not forgiving me for a past indiscretion with a close friend many years ago. My husband and I have resolved the issue and moved on, but she seemingly hasn’t.
Trish and her husband briefly got back together, but she has since left again and is intent on divorcing him. I’ve offered to attend counseling with her if it would help, yet I’m unsure if she’s aware that I read her email. My son-in-law did apologize for what his actions unintentionally revealed. Sharing her email without her consent was wrong, but it’s irreversible now.
When we talk, my daughter remains polite yet distant, especially since we live far apart. Should I tell her I am aware of what she said, hoping she’ll want to address the issues between us? Or do I keep extending love and understanding, even if she still harbors resentment, demonstrating that I love and absolve her, despite past faults? — IMPERFECT MOM IN FLORIDA
DEAR MOM: Amid the turmoil in her marriage, your daughter attempted to blame her infidelity on the example you set for her during her impressionable years. Her husband may have shared what she had written in an attempt to damage her relationship with you, which would be not only unkind, but also manipulative. I don’t know what other issues you have with your daughter, but I see nothing to be gained at this point by telling her you know what she said. Bide your time.
DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old grandson races BMX bicycles. Last year, he had a traumatic brain injury and had to be medevaced to a pediatric hospital. Once he recovered, he went right back to racing. Last week, he crashed and damaged both of his kidneys. He’s in intensive care as I write this. We don’t know how long he’ll be there or if he will need dialysis afterward.
His parents plan to drive him right back to the BMX track the minute he recovers! I think they are extremely irresponsible. I’ve read that 15-year-olds aren’t able to assess risk properly. What can I do to stop this? — CONCERNED GRANDMA IN THE SOUTH
DEAR CONCERNED: There is an adage that suggests if someone falls off a horse, they should get right back on. However, when it comes to life-threatening accidents, common sense tells me the circumstances should not be repeated. That your grandson is now contemplating returning to racing is shocking. That his parents would encourage it seems irresponsible. That said, there is nothing you can do to prevent the boy from risking his life, so start praying.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
