Read the mainstream media’s coverage of the life and times of Barron Von Trump and you’d be led to believe he’s either a MAGA Casanova or a hermit.

The 19-year-old NYU sophomore reportedly caused a buzz when he reserved an entire floor of Trump Tower in Manhattan for a Netflix-and-chill date last month, drawing both surprise and criticism from onlookers.

“He’s kind of like an oddity on campus,” explained Kaya Walker, the ex-president of NYU College Republicans, as quoted by Vanity Fair. “He attends class and then heads straight home.”

Sure, it’s challenging to muster up sympathy for someone who grew up amidst the privileges of Queens royalty, but it’s hard not to feel for a young man who doesn’t get to awkwardly experience college life like many do. Standing taller than most streetlights and under constant watch from Secret Service agents can’t make it any easier either.

Well, if those who number among the Trump Derangement Syndrome afflicted aren’t moved by basic human decency, get a load of this…

According to my college-aged daughters, several of their friends have attended school with Barron and shared insights about his reputation. Some described him as “weird” or said he “doesn’t talk.” Even more troubling, Melania’s 6-foot-7 son is reportedly being defamed on one of the latest college dating platforms.

This app, named ‘Tea,’ claims to assist women in dating safely by allowing verified members to upload images of men they are interested in, so others can “red flag” any guy known to be problematic.

Poor Barron is on it and I’ve seen his profile.

The 19-year-old NYU sophomore reportedly caused a buzz when he reserved an entire floor of Trump Tower in Manhattan for a Netflix-and-chill date last month, drawing both surprise and criticism from onlookers.

But most disheartening of all, I’m told that Melania’s sweet 6-foot-7-inch baby is also being slandered on one of the hottest new college dating apps

Take this comment: ‘messy, played in my face, definitely dl, ran through, chopped.’

My Gen Z translator tells me it means: ‘Barron is a dramatic person who pretended to play dumb while being disrespectful. He wanted to keep our union a secret, because we had intercourse and I didn’t hear from him again. He was unattractive.’

Look, I suspect the anonymous person who posted about Barron has most likely never met him. But this is proof of what he has to deal with every friggin’ day.

No wonder he’s resorted to tucking himself away in his Fifth Avenue ivory tower. It’s also been reported that he’s actually living in the White House and attending classes on NYU’s Washington DC campus.

Ugh! What college kid in their right mind would want to live in their parents’ house while kicking it to babes? And in stuffy DC no less!

Yes, every first child from Jenna and Barbara Bush (who were nabbed for underage drinking shortly after their dad became president) to Malia and Sasha Obama were under microscope. But there’s no denying that Barron gets it worse than all of them.

He’s not a normal college student; he’s a hostage to toxic culture that can’t cut him a break.

So, I say – play on playa’. You’ll never be as bad as Hunter Biden.

Out with a bang 

Nicole Kidman has had a rough couple of weeks, and I’m not talking about her surprise divorce announcement.

She made the huge mistake of cutting herself some break-up bangs.

Who has the heart to tell her she looks just like Keith Urban? Worse! She’s teetering on Greta Thunberg territory.

Who has the heart to tell Nicole Kidman she looks just like Keith Urban?

Suicide mission

Speaking of everyone’s favorite Hamas apologist, Greta was – once again – detained by Israel as she attempted to break their blockage of Gaza.

Now, the Swedish climate darling claims she was ravaged by bedbugs and practically starved in Israeli detention.

Here’s an idea for the Israelis – next time, let her through.

Speaking of everyone’s favorite Hamas apologist, Greta was – once again – detained by Israel as she attempted to break their blockage of Gaza

Adios!

Spoiler alert: Alec Baldwin’s annoying septo-mom Hilaria was eliminated from this week’s ‘Dancing with the Stars.’

She set tongues wagging by not wearing her wedding ring – apparently, it gets in the way of her Cha Cha.

I doubt her geriatric husband clocked it, he hasn’t noticed she’s been faking a Spanish accent for a decade.

Spoiler alert: Alec Baldwin’s annoying septo-mom Hilaria was eliminated from this week’s ‘Dancing with the Stars’

Bennifer’s back?

Someone get me a neck brace, I’m in too much pain from all this whiplash!

Last week, Jennifer Lopez was jabbering on about how her divorce from Ben Affleck was the best thing that ever happened to her.

But at the premiere of ‘Kiss of the Spider Woman,’ the two of them were all over each other.

Maybe they think their ginned-up antics are going to help sell the movie? But I’m getting very strong Gigli vibes.

At the premiere of ‘Kiss of the Spider Woman’ the two of them were all over each other

Hardy har har

Mean Girl Meghan Markle was caught on camera appearing to snicker when a Balenciaga model nearly ate it on the runway at Paris Fashion Week.

I can only imagine that the Duchess of Doom was just relieved to see someone else falling on their face for once.

Latinface

The cows of ‘The View’ were heatedly discussing Bad Bunny’s selection for the Super Bowl halftime show – and fears that Immigration and Customs agents will be trolling the gridiron – when Whoopi Goldberg was struck by genius.

‘Everybody, get a little cocoa butter, sit in the sun, that’s the first thing. And then – this is probably the only time you can ever do this – give yourself a Latin accent.’

Uh… Whoopi, isn’t that racist?

Psychodrama

Kristin Davis, aka Charlotte the prude from ‘Sex and the City,’ publicly apologized to Bridget Moynihan for apparently being a total jerk to Moynihan when she played Big’s wife Natasha.

‘I was so mean to you. I was in character!’ she warbled.

And just like that, I’m reminded why no one cares about these vapid dingdongs.