Labeling her as the Duchess of Delusion might seem fitting for some, given the latest revelations from Meghan Markle’s cover story in Harper’s Bazaar. In this profile, she reiterates her newfound freedom to finally share her narrative—a declaration echoing since the infamous Megxit.

The article paints a vivid scene as it recounts journalist Kaitlyn Greenidge’s second meeting with Meghan. This encounter takes place in an elegant Upper East Side brownstone, owned by one of Meghan’s acquaintances. The owner remains a mystery, though their affluence is evident with the presence of a glass elevator.

It’s intriguing, given Meghan’s past remarks during her 2021 interview with Oprah. She famously downplayed the allure of royal titles, emphasizing her American roots and claiming limited knowledge of the British Royal Family.

As Greenidge arrives at the house, she is greeted by a ‘house manager.’ The setting is serene until the manager suddenly announces, almost theatrically, “MEGHAN, DUCHESS OF SUSSEX!” This moment encapsulates the complexity of Meghan’s story, mixing elements of grandeur and a desire for simplicity.

Now, remember: As Meghan told Oprah during that explosive sit-down in 2021, the ‘grandeur’ of a royal title meant nothing to her. She’s American, after all. She barely even knew who the British Royal Family were!

So: Greenidge knocks on the door. A ‘house manager’ answers. Greenidge steps inside, and it’s quiet until the house manager bellows, out of nowhere, to no one: ‘MEGHAN, DUCHESS OF SUSSEX!’

No one else is in the house.

In a new cover profile for Harper’s Bazaar, in which Meghan Markle claims, yet again, to finally be free to tell her story – we’ve only heard this every hour, on the hour, since Megxit – we are treated to a tableau like no other.

How mortifying. How insecure and embarrassing. It’s so gauche, like something out of ‘Black Mirror’ — this woman who seems to have gone quite mad, rattling around some borrowed townhouse with a servant announcing her movements by name and title.

Does this go on everywhere?

Does she have someone bellowing ‘Meghan, Duchess of Sussex!’ as she enters hotel lobbies, bathrooms and restaurants? Ted Sarandos’s office at Netflix?

Kris Jenner’s birthday party?

What about the Balenciaga show, where she did that full Sith Lord walk to her seat?

So much for Meghan’s title meaning nothing.

Clearly, it means everything to her — the only thing, aside from her ever-present victimhood, that makes her feel validated. Worthy. Important.

What a ridiculous, empty person she is. How deeply uncool.

If William strips those titles, you can easily imagine that she’ll go full Norma Desmond, swanning around Montecito, insisting that everyone still refer to her as ‘The Duchess’.

Now: As to the merits of this Harper’s Bazaar profile, I cannot find a single reason it should exist. Meghan, of course, is promoting what looks to be her final installment of ‘With Love’ on Netflix, a holiday special about ’embracing traditions and making new ones’.

Well, you have to make new ones when you’ve severed ties with your husband’s entire family and most of your own.

Not that Harper’s Bazaar or Greenidge bring up this contradiction. Instead, we get all of Meghan’s greatest hits, the mind-numbing anecdotes and musings about ‘authenticity’ we’ve heard lo these many years.

She tells us that she’s ‘learning French on Duolingo’ — just as she claimed to Bloomberg’s Emily Chang weeks ago, divulging it with all the frisson of a state secret.

Once, just once, I’d love a so-called reporter to ask Meghan to say something in French. Anything.

We get the whole backstory again: The letter to the soap company, the Los Angeles riots, Suits, the failed lifestyle blog, meeting Harry, instant global fame and Mexgit, talk of how she ‘shows up’ in life, how she likes ‘the community of work’ — all these nonsense phrases that mean nothing.

She also reveals herself to be kind of a jerk. Just a cold and rude woman, let alone a royal.

When asked what she’s learned from making mistakes, she says: ‘You learn not to do it again.’

How condescending. Also, how inaccurate. It seems Meghan has learned nothing from her mistakes!

She embodies that age-old definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

It’s reflected in the magazine’s accompanying photo shoot, Meghan posing as if she’s a six-foot supermodel with her limbs akimbo, an ankle twisted, in her finest Carolyn Bessette drag.

There’s another amazing scene at the top of this piece, Meghan going to meet some tween girls of modest means at the La Brea Tar Pits fossil-dig site in Los Angeles.

These kids don’t even know who’s coming in on this white golf cart until — you guessed it — a disembodied voice bellows, ‘Meghan, Duchess of Sussex!’

Seriously: To tweenage girls, Meghan comes in hot like Cleopatra — on a golf cart.

Oh — and she admits she invited herself to the Balenciaga show!

This beats the episode of ‘With Love, Meghan’ in which she brutally corrected Mindy Kaling for calling her ‘Meghan Markle’.

‘I’m Sussex now,’ she crowed.

This also beats The Cut interview from 2022, headlined ‘Meghan of Montecito’, in which Meghan told reporter Allison P. Davis that she was ‘ready for her next act’. Sound familiar?

She also memorably told Davis how to describe her nonverbal groaning.

‘She’s making these guttural sounds,’ Meghan told Davis of herself, as if Meghan were writing the piece, ‘and I can’t quite articulate what she’s feeling in that moment because she has no word for it. She’s just moaning.’

After the Tar Pits with the poor kids, it’s off to the Polo Lounge at the Beverly Hills Hotel, where Meghan is served a cappuccino with a picture of her face imprinted on the foam.

‘Oh,’ she says. ‘I recognize this picture. That’s from our trip to South Africa.’

Is she for real?

Remember: We’re all about fun and being relatable, but our face is in the foam and we’re having someone yell, ‘Meghan, Duchess of Sussex!’, every time she crosses a threshold.

It wouldn’t be a Meghan profile if she didn’t brag about how much Harry — excuse me, ‘H’ — loves her.

‘He loves me so boldly, so fully,’ she says, hand over heart. Subtle, as ever (wink).

‘No one in the world loves me more than him, so I know he’s always going to make sure that he has my back,’ Meghan says.

With Harry, she explains, ‘you have someone who just has this childlike wonder and playfulness… he brought that out in me.’

Call her — call all of it! — wonder. Call her playful. Call her ‘authentic’.

Just don’t call her Meghan.