When Matilde decided to move to Australia, she anticipated that the country’s renowned sociable and laid-back atmosphere would facilitate her transition. However, her experience turned out to be quite the opposite.
Australia is often celebrated for its residents’ friendly and approachable nature. Yet, Matilde, an Italian expatriate who has established her life in four different nations, found that this reputation didn’t necessarily translate into building friendships easily.
Having spent her formative years in Italy and having lived in countries such as Switzerland, the UK, and Canada, Matilde described Australia as the most challenging place to forge deep connections. This wasn’t due to any unfriendliness on the part of Australians but rather because they seemed content with their existing social circles.
“Australia has been the hardest country to make friends in,” Matilde remarked in a video, reflecting on her experiences. She felt that Australians were friendly but already satisfied with their current group of friends, making it difficult for newcomers to break in.
Initially, Matilde had high hopes that Australia’s outgoing culture would make her settling-in process smoother, but reality proved to be more complex than she had anticipated.
Before arriving, Matilde expected Australia’s famously social culture to make settling in easier.
‘The perception I had of Australians was that they were very extroverted, friendly, and eager to make new friends,’ she explained.
Instead, she found many people appeared content with long-established friendship groups.
Matilde, who grew up in Italy and has also lived in Switzerland, the UK, and Canada, said Australia was by far the most difficult place to form meaningful friendships
‘They want their friends from school. They want their inner circle. They want to be friends with who they know.’
Her comments struck a nerve because they highlighted something many migrants, interstate movers, and even lifelong Australians have quietly observed for years: meeting people isn’t the problem.
But building a friendship that extends beyond occasional chats and casual catch-ups often is.
One Sydney local who recently relocated to Brisbane said they experienced the same thing.
‘Everyone is always friendly, but it always feels like you’re making surface-level acquaintances rather than genuine friendships,’ they wrote.
Another summed it up more bluntly.
‘People are friendly here but don’t want to make actual friends.’
For Matilde, the disconnect comes down to the type of conversations people are willing to have.
Matilde’s comments struck a nerve because they highlighted something many migrants, interstate movers, and even lifelong Australians have quietly observed for years
‘They’re really good at small talk and it’s something I absolutely cannot do,’ she said.
‘I don’t want to talk about the weather. I don’t want to talk about what I did over the weekend.’
Instead, she wants to understand people on a deeper level.
‘I want to talk about who you are. I want to talk about where you’re from and your experiences.’
That desire for emotional closeness isn’t unusual.
In recent years, loneliness has become a growing topic of conversation around the world, particularly among adults who have moved cities, changed jobs, or found themselves rebuilding social circles later in life.
While making friends as a child often happens naturally through school, adulthood tends to be far more structured. Existing commitments, families, careers, and routines leave less room for new relationships to develop.
Some Australians argued that was exactly what Matilde was experiencing.
‘How else do you become friends without first starting with small talk?’ one person asked.
‘I’ve never jumped into a friendship without [finding out what a person is like first].’
The commenter explained they had built friendships through school, work and social groups over decades.
‘Start with the hated small talk and take it from there.’
Others suggested Australians can be slow to open up rather than unwilling.
‘People don’t want to invest time in temporary friendships. They know you’re not there permanently, so there’s no point in going deep,’ one wrote.
Yet many locals admitted they recognised the problem themselves.
‘I was born here in Australia and completely agree. It’s very cliquey and it doesn’t matter which state. I have zero friends and I’m in my mid-50s,’ one woman said.
‘I’m nearly 30 years old and I have two friends that I hardly ever see,’ another added.
Several Australians said travelling overseas made them realise how differently social interactions can unfold elsewhere.
‘I’m from Australia and recently travelled solo overseas. I was shocked by how easy it was to make friends in public. It’s just not something that happens here,’ one person wrote.
Whether that’s because Australians are genuinely harder to befriend or simply take longer to let people into their lives remains open to debate.
But Matilde’s experience touched on something many adults understand all too well: it’s possible to spend an entire day surrounded by friendly people and still go home feeling alone.
And for newcomers trying to build a life from scratch, that difference can feel enormous.
