Kody Brown: I'm a Huge Mess, Okay?!? Christine Left Me Heartbroken!

Kody Brown held very little back on Sunday night’s brand new episode of Sister Wives.

“I’m struggling so much with this divorce,” the 53-year old admitted after Christine packed her bags and moved out of Flagstaff, a development that took place just about a year ago.

On an installment filmed right around that time, Kody elaborated on the trickle down effect of this decision.

“It’s probably poisoning my relationship with Janelle a little bit and definitely poisoning my relationship with Robyn,” he said.

The father of 17 has been a polygamist for his entire adult life; it’s all he knows.

“I haven’t figured out what I am when we’re not this family,” he continued. “I’m out of my frame and I’m out of my purpose. I’m spiritually off course. I’m a mess.”

Kody doesn’t often speak this way, of course.

He’s typically come across as angry and bitter amid Christine’s move back to Utah.

For her part, Christine acknowledged the challenge of where she stands at the moment.

“No one ever wants to leave a marriage,” she confessed during Sunday’s episode. “I’m leaving broken hearts behind and that’s what’s hard. Starting over is hard.”

Janelle, meanwhile, noted that “there’s no rules” and “no guidelines” as to how the plural family ought to proceed now that Christine has left the group — which is something that Kody was NOT handling well.

“I don’t think any of us knows what goes on now,” Janelle said.

Kody Brown is irate in this photo. He’s reacting to the news that Christine no longer wants to be his sister wife.

While dealing with the Christine fallout on Sunday, Kody added that his relationship with Janelle was also in a bad place… due to her allegiance to Christine and the drama surrounding her RV lifestyle.

“It’s been less than a picnic,” Kody told the cameras about Janelle living on their Coyote Pass property instead of in a house.

“So it’s like, ‘Oh, we’re going to ignore the problems in the relationship.’”

Not really, according to Janelle’s aunt, who very recently said her niece has split from her selfish husband.

Still, though, this episode mostly came back to Christine.

“I don’t like to be here. I would prefer to be anywhere else,” the mother of six said about actually being in Arizona.

“Because anywhere else, I’m strong and independent and fun and fearless and can rise to any occasion.

“You put me back here and I’m a wife in a loveless marriage that was going nowhere, and I don’t like to be that. It’s like a farewell to that too.”

Christine, who moved most of her belongings to her new residence in Utah early in the episode, added at one point, while on the verge of tears:

“It’s hard to leave. Ending a chapter is really hard no matter what.”

Kody felt the same.

“She’s moving today. There’s a sense that I feel like I’m, in a way, coping,” Kody told the cameras.

“I really want to tell her, ‘I loved you. I loved you, why did you betray me?’ I worked for this. And that’s almost just pathetic because she’s leaving.

“She’s done. I’ve gotta accept that, but I don’t want to. It’s breaking my heart.”

Once Christine pulled out of her driveway, however, she felt like a whole new woman.

There was no turning back.

“Everything that I was feeling before about being nervous is gone all of a sudden. We had a lot of good memories in this house,” she reflected on air.

“A lot of great times and great parties and great gatherings. But I am so excited to just move on. Today, I get to be at home.”

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