Oh, to be a paparazzi drone hovering over Venice this weekend.

Not here to admire the canals or the charming architecture rich with Italian history, but to capture the sensational spectacle: Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez’s $20 million wedding, touted as the most extravagant event of the century.

While I reluctantly confess to being captivated by the glitz, the wealth, and especially Lauren’s fabulously tight and undeniably costly gold corset, I can’t help but chuckle at the circus this event has become.

And that’s not my turn of phrase either. Furious locals are said to be calling it ‘il circo‘.

As the rest of the world searches for ways to cope with WWIII anxieties, the tech mogul turned third-richest man and his space enthusiast partner are exchanging vows in a wedding affair so spectacularly disconnected that it almost mirrors performance art.

If you read my columns, you’ll know I like Lauren. She’s got balls, she’s fierce and – as someone who is no stranger to the surgeon’s knife – I think that, at 55, she looks banging hot. She’s probably also quite a nice woman – I mean, Jeff loves her. But this ‘circo’? Jeez. Come on, Lauren, even your biggest fan over here is cringing.

The geeky bookseller who became the world’s third-richest man and his space cowgirl are saying ‘I do’ in Venice this weekend. Furious locals are said to be calling it ‘il circo’

If you read my columns, you’ll know I like Lauren – but every break-up has a winner, and I’m afraid I have to side with her ex-husband Pat Whitesell, the poor guy she left for billionaire Jeff

Hollywood agent Patrick (pictured with wife Pia in Australia last December) has been quietly kicking goals since Lauren decided to run off with Bezos. You love to see it

Let’s start with the foam party – because there is nothing quite as classy and romantic as sliding about in shared bath water filled to the brim with Fairy liquid. Then the invitations that some remarked looked like they’d been knocked together by a sixth-grader using Canva for a school project.

While the guest list reads like Hollywood royalty (hello, Kim Kardashian and a single-and-ready-to-mingle Orlando Bloom), there is one man who has managed to outshine and, quite frankly, outclass the whole ridiculous spectacle: Patrick Whitesell.

Remember him? Maybe not, as he does like to keep out of the media glare. He used to be married to Lauren, before Jeff took one look at her and decided, ‘She’s mine.’

These days, 60-year-old Pat prefers to chill at home in his $57million Bel-Air mansion – far, far away from foam parties, creased linen shirts and loafers that have only ever touched the floorboards of multimillion-dollar superyachts.

He’s known as the ‘super agent’ of Hollywood. As the executive chairman of Endeavor – once a talent agency, now a mega-company that owns everything from IMG to UFC – he has represented the likes of Ryan Reynolds, Hugh Jackman and Ben Affleck.

Yet the most impressive thing about Pat is his stunning Australian wife, Pia Whitesell.

We knew her as Pia Miller back in the day when she was married to a local footballer. She is also – probably – the most beautiful woman to come from the Southern Hemisphere.

But long before he set his sights on Pia, 41, Pat was married to Lauren and one day made the rookie error of introducing his wife to a friend who was far, far richer than him: Jeff. It was an introduction that detonated his marriage.

Kendall and Kylie Jenner arrived via water taxi for the first day of Jeff and Lauren’s wedding

Sixteen years apart: Patrick is seen with ex-wife Lauren Sanchez at the Vanity Fair Oscar Party in 2009, and at the same event in 2025 with now-wife Pia Whitesell

Pia is – probably – the most beautiful woman ever to come from the Southern Hemisphere

Poor Patrick, for all his wealth and success, was left looking like a prized turnip when Lauren and Jeff’s affair was later splashed across the tabloids.

Reports at the time indicated he was ‘blindsided’ by the affair. In contrast, sources close to Jeff and his then-wife MacKenzie Scott insisted they had separated before he began dating Sanchez.

It was all quite a mess – a very public and embarrassing one, and particularly for Patrick, who is used to going into damage control for his celebrity clients, not himself.

But Patrick didn’t get mad – he got even.

After his wife left him, he bagged a beautiful woman almost two decades his junior. They got engaged, then married. He flew to Sydney to charm her family. Now Pia and her two sons from previous relationships are living the dream at Pat’s LA mansion.

I’m sure Jeff and Lauren are happy as Larry in Venice right now, but every break-up needs a winner, and it’s clear as day who the winners are here.

I’m sure Jeff and Lauren are happy as Larry in Venice right now, but every break-up needs a winner, and it’s clear as day who the winners are here, writes Mail+ columnist Amanda Goff

Because amid the madness, the circus, the drones and diamonds, Pia sent a message days before the wedding that everyone seems to have missed.

She posted the most deliciously icy comeback on Instagram. Kicking back in the pool at her Bel-Air home – with not a paparazzo or cowboy boot in sight – she took a snap and captioned it: ‘How’s the serenity.’

It was a perfectly coded message for her fellow Aussies back home: A quote from a beloved film, The Castle, uttered by a man admiring the modest view from his holiday caravan, completely unfazed by the nearby power lines and airport blare.

The meaning was clear: Forget the noise. We’re perfectly happy right here. 

Amid the madness, the circus, the drones and diamonds, Pia sent a message days before the wedding that everyone seems to have missed… ‘How’s the serenity.’

Now Pia and her two sons from previous relationships are living the dream at Pat’s LA mansion

Patrick chose happiness over bitterness – and that is the best revenge . Indeed, he even beat his ex down the aisle, marrying Pia in 2021

Well played, Pia. I can just picture Patrick out of shot, sipping a martini next to you.

It was cheeky, it was understated, and it was flawlessly timed. Bravo to the Whitesells. If this was a game – and isn’t love a game? – then I crown you the winners.

No need for screaming headlines or public displays of tacky wealth. Just a slightly smug silence that says to the rest of the world: ‘Keep the madness – we’ll have the peace.’

Patrick chose happiness over bitterness – and that truly is the best kind of revenge. Indeed, he even beat his ex-wife down the aisle, marrying Pia in 2021.

Now, I may have picked a side here – but I would still like to extend my congratulations to Lauren and Jeff on their wedding weekend. Yes, it looks tacky, but some people like that! I hope the cake is nice, don’t slip in the bubble bath, and hopefully that corset didn’t crush any internal organs.

While I offer a hand to the happy couple, I doff my hat to the ex-husband.

There are few things in life more satisfying than the cuckold’s revenge, and he pulled it off with true Hollywood flair. I’m sure he was the talk of the wedding the moment Jeff and Lauren were out of earshot.

Why wouldn’t he be? He was humiliated by one of the wealthiest people on Earth, but emerged the richer man.