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While the word “no” might be easily dismissed by many, for individuals with ADHD, hearing it can provoke a debilitating response, leading to both emotional and physical distress. This reaction is linked to a phenomenon known as Rejection Sensitivity Disorder (RSD). Although not officially recognized as a medical condition, RSD is frequently reported by those with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

RSD is characterized by an intense fear of rejection, which can lead individuals to prematurely end friendships over perceived slights, decline new opportunities out of fear of failure, avoid career or business ventures, and remain in unhealthy relationships far beyond their expiration.

This concept is intimately known to Alex Partridge, author of the newly released book, “Why Does Everybody Hate Me?”. Contrary to what some might assume, Partridge’s experiences with RSD may surprise those who follow him.

At 37, Partridge might not appear to be someone who struggles with confidence, decision-making, or self-esteem. To his substantial social media following, he often seems to exude self-assurance.

On paper, Partridge, 37, doesn’t seem like the sort of person who would struggle with confidence, decision-making or self-belief – and to his army of social media followers, he appears to brim with confidence. 

He is undeniably successful, and his CV is impressive. He founded social media behemoths UNILAD and LADbible when he was a 21-year-old university student, and is now best known for fronting ADHD Chatter, one of the UK’s top mental health podcasts, which is listened to by millions of people across the world every week. 

But appearances can be deceiving. 

Speaking to the Daily Mail, he said: ‘I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but I’d go as far as to say that RSD nearly killed me.

Alex Partridge has penned a book about rejection sensitivity disorder 

‘I drank myself into hospital on numerous occasions, and it all could have been avoided if I had known how to set boundaries – but I found saying “no” to people too scary.’ 

Like thousands of Britons – particularly women – Alex didn’t discover that he has ADHD until he was an adult, getting his diagnosis at the age of 34. 

American psychiatrist William Dodson has theorised that between birth and the age of 12, children with ADHD receive 20,000 more negative or corrective messages than their neurotypical peers – and it creates the perfect conditions for RSD to take root.

‘Some of the negative comments ADHD children hear are “Why are you so emotional? You’re too dramatic. Stop fidgeting. You’re too sensitive. Calm down. Be normal. Why are you so weird, why are you too much?”‘ said Alex.

‘When you are bombarded with all of these extra criticisms, your nervous system almost anticipates and expects to receive more.

‘That’s where the “dysphoria” in rejection sensitivity dysphoria comes from, because often you’re turning something that isn’t really a criticism in your mind into a big one, because you just expect it.’

Alex isn’t the only person in the public eye who has spoken about struggling with a pathological fear of rejection. In January, Paris Hilton revealed that she is . 

[PARIS HILTON] DEMON IN MIND 

Frustratingly for people with RSD – and especially for the people close to them who want to see them thrive – these negative messages can stop them from fulfilling their potential or enjoy all that life has to offer. 

‘RSD will suck the potential out of people, because over the years, you’ve learned that it feels safer not to try,’ said Alex.

‘It’s tragic because you don’t start that business, or you don’t apply for that promotion. We avoid the conversations we should have with a partner to get out of a relationship that isn’t making us happy anymore. 

‘It can look like not doing things that you’re capable of doing, including projects, hobbies and fun things, because you’re scared of the feedback that the world will give you if you try.’

But this isn’t to say that RSD causes people to hide away in the shadows for fear of being noticed – when it is triggered, it can cause explosive behaviour. 

‘RSD can cause an instant reaction,’ Alex explained. ‘When it is triggered, the logical part of the brain just completely shuts down. 

‘I think it is the hardest part of having ADHD and why so many people struggle to maintain friendships, jobs and sabotage and break up their relationships. 

‘Sometimes you say stuff you can’t come back from, or you are too embarrassed to address the outburst when you’ve calmed down. That’s the most heartbreaking thing about it.’ 

Alex shares several coping strategies for navigating RSD in his book – although he admits that ‘when you are triggered, quite often you forget them because you just all you care about is the feeling and reacting to it.’ 

His main piece of advice is to remember that when RSD rears its (often ugly) head, you’re not really angry at the situation or person in front of you. 

‘Remind yourself “this is me responding to 20,000 horrible comments that weren’t my fault, and therefore, the big feelings I’m feeling today are also not my fault”,’ he said, 

‘It will help reduce some of the internal shame and be kinder to yourself.’