Jill Duggar had admitted that she’s ‘not on the best terms’ with her whole family these days, after previously revealing that they’re ‘not always’ supportive of her decisions.
The 29-year-old former reality TV star has been sharing some surprisingly candid details of her life in a series of YouTube Q&As with her husband Derick Dillard, 31 — and in a new one uploaded today, Jill opened up more about strained relationships with members of her family.
‘There’s been some distancing there,’ she said. ‘We’re not on the best terms with some of my family. We’ve had some disagreements and stuff, but we’re working towards healing, definitely, and restoration, but we’re having to kind of just take some time and heal.’
Distance: Jill Duggar had admitted that she’s ‘not on the best terms’ with her whole family these days
Since Jill and Derick stopped appearing on TLC’s Counting On — and Jill has started the process of departing from some of her family’s stricter beliefs — things have become strained between the Dillards and some of Jill’s family, including her parents.
Fans have noticed that they are frequently absent from family gatherings, and Derick has acknowledged a rift on Instagram, sharing that Jim Bob restricts their access to the house and accusing him of being more concerned with money than his children’s well-being.
Jill looked a bit sad but firm in her convictions as she touched upon family drama in their new YouTube video.
‘[We’re] doing what’s best for our family right now and just working through it, I guess,’ she said.
‘It’s difficult, but we are praying and trusting God that the timeline is his, and what that looks like and everything. So we definitely appreciate your prayers, but we don’t want to go into detail too much.’
In a previous video, Jill admitted that her family is ‘not always’ supportive of what she does, but while she wants to have ‘deference’ toward them, she refuses to be ‘led by fear” and ‘controlled by what somebody else is gonna think.’
‘[We’re] doing what’s best for our family right now and just working through it, I guess,’ Jill said (pictured with parents Jim Bob and Michelle)
She previously revealed that her family is ‘not always’ supportive of her choices, adding: ‘Some of my siblings are probably more likely to have something to say about it than others’
‘Are they supportive? Not always,’ she admitted. ‘Everyone’s gonna have their opinion about different things. Some of my siblings are probably more likely to have something to say about it than others. Some are more like, “Hey, I’m happy for whatever y’all are deciding.”
‘Not all of them are cool with it but some of them are more cool with it than others,’ she added.
Though she said it’s still important to listen to the advice of people close to you, she also insisted that ‘you don’t want to be overly fearful and be led by fear.’
‘You want to have deference but you also don’t want to be controlled by what somebody else is gonna think,’ Jill explained.
While the family drama has meant that Jill and Derick have been excluded from some family get-togethers — Derick griped this summer that it would have been nice if they’d been invited to a big family Zoom party that was held during the pandemic — they aren’t left out of everything.
‘We’ve been at weddings and funerals, and I guess if we’re not shown [on the show] it’s because we’re edited out,’ said Derick.
No problem with this one, we guess! After Jill spoke about family issues, her sister Jessa stopped by with coffee
Can’t even virtually hang? Jill and Derick have been excluded from some family gatherings, including this one on Zoom
Awkward? Even sex pest Josh’s family was invited, though Josh was edited out when the clip appeared on TLC
The presence of TLC’s cameras hasn’t stopped sex pest Josh from getting invitations to smaller family events, though he, too, is edited out.
While Josh was booted from the show after his cheating and molestation scandals in 2015, Derick and Jill chose to leave — and shed new light on why in their latest video.
‘We left the show three years ago because basically our family goals that we had for ourselves didn’t align with what we found out,’ Jill said.
‘We ended up finding out that we didn’t have as much control over our lives as it related to the show and stuff as we felt like we needed. So, we had to make a decision at that time to kind of put the show aside just to pursue our own goals.
‘It was just, like, a good decision for us. Nothing against our film crew or anything. They’re great, we love them,’ she added. ‘It was a really difficult decision but something that we really needed to do for our family.’
Derick added that they learned some ‘information’ just before they quit and were ‘put between a rock and a hard place’ where they had to choose between their ‘family goals’ and filming.
Healthy habits: In the new Q&A, Jill also said that therapy has been ‘so good and so healthy and I think we recommend it for everybody’
‘We will not go back on the show under the circumstances we were under at the time that we left, meaning, just as a family we have to be able to make decisions that allow us to navigate our lives and have the information and control so that we know whether or not we can even plan anything for our lives,’ he said.
The pair agreed that they had no regrets about leaving, and are grateful to get more family time and control over their time.
‘We have our lives back now,’ Jill said.
Jill also returned to the revelation that she and Derick are in therapy, telling fans that she’s seen ‘good changes’ in herself since she started and that it’s ‘helping us process things.’
‘It’s so good and so healthy and I think we recommend it for everybody. I think it’s just good, helpful. Especially, like, even right now with COVID and everything, when the stress levels are high as it is, I feel like therapy is so helpful,’ she said.
Jill and Derick’s Q&As have included quite a few revelations, including that they use birth control.
Derick had commented on social media in the past that he is not against birth control, admitting that his own parents used it — but this was the first time that he and Jill confirmed outright that they use it, too.
Surprise! Jill — one of 19 children born to parents who have said they left family planning up to God — previously confirmed that she and Derick use birth control
No glove, no love! The 29-year-old revealed in a Q&A video on YouTube that she and Derick use non-hormonal birth control methods to prevent pregnancy
‘Yes, we use birth control,’ Jill said, ‘but we prefer to use non-hormonal birth control methods, just because we don’t want to use anything that could potentially cause an abortion.’
It is a myth that the Pill can cause abortion, since it works to prevent an egg from being fertilized in the first place. In cases where women do become unintentionally pregnant while on the Pill, the fetus can be exposed to high levels of progestin and/or estrogen, but neither causes abortion — and research indicates that it won’t negatively impact the fetus, either.
However, this myth is one that has been promoted by members of Jill’s family, including her parents, Jim Bob and Michelle.
The couple initially used hormonal birth control after welcoming their first child, Josh, and Michelle miscarried while taking it. They saw the miscarriage as a sign from God and gave up birth control thereafter.
Though Jill hasn’t adopted their anti-birth-control stance, she does seem to have taken on their scientifically-unsound belief that the Pill can cause abortion.
‘There are probably uses for hormonal methods of birth control for, like, regulating things, and stuff like that. But for us, we just want to be careful about that, and we’re just, like, more natural-minded,’ she said.
Jill and Derick have two kids, Israel and Samuel, and said they would like more: ‘I don’t know that we have a number. Probably not 20 kids, but again, we’re not gonna rule anything out’
‘I know that sometimes there can be more longer-lasting effects from hormonal birth controls and stuff like that. So we just steer clear of those… Eventually, we want to have more kids and stuff. We’re willing. So we don’t want to mess too much with all that,’ she said.
Derick added that they also want to be able to easily stop birth control whenever they want to get pregnant and have more siblings for five-year-old Israel and three-year-old Samuel.
The couple also answered a viewer question about whether they have non-Christian friends and are ‘accepting’ of the LGBTQ+ community.
‘Yes, we have lots of non-Christian friends,’ Derick said. ‘We have friends that are part of the LGBTQ+ community.
‘I think it’s a misconception that just because you disagree with someone that you can’t be friends. And in light of the recent passing of Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I think Justice Scalia and Justice Ginsburg’s relationship in the legal profession was a good example of that. From what I hear, they had a great relationship despite having sharp disagreements at times.’
Jill chimed in: ‘You can disagree with someone and still be respectful, and still be friends.
Healthy attitude: Though she said it’s still important to listen to the advice of people close to you, she also insisted that ‘you don’t want to be overly fearful and be led by fear’
‘As Christians, we believe that there are certain things that are sinful, like adultery — so, cheating on your spouse or something — or sex before marriage, [or] homosexuality. Those are things that we believe are sinful.
‘But there’s a lot of things [that are sinful], too, so it doesn’t mean that we might not be friends with people, because ultimately, we’re all sinners.
‘If I’m around somebody, they might know what I believe, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna just rub it in their face all the time either. So, I have friends who I hand out with, and we do not agree on everything.’
Derick also noted that, hypothetically, if a transgender friend invited them over, he would respect that friend’s chose pronouns.
‘I’m gonna use whatever pronoun they want me to,’ he said.
However, he added, their faith is ‘very important’ to them, and ‘generally people talk about what’s important to them’ — so being friends with a gay person or trans person isn’t going to stop them from talking about their beliefs. But they do recognize that there is a time and a place for every discussion.
‘I think it’s healthy to have discussions and even debates, for those of you who like to debate, in the right space,’ Jill said. ‘But you want to be respectful, self-controlled. Oftentimes, I see people who are not and that’s disheartening.’
Flashback: Derick came under fire in 2017 for calling being transgender a ‘myth’ and saying he ‘pitied’ fellow TLC star Jazz Jennings (pictured)
Belief system: Yet Jill and Derick both still said they believed homosexuality is a sin
Derick added that the mark of a good friendship is when you can discuss a hotly debated topic and then ‘go have a beer afterwards.’
His remarks about using a trans person’s preferred pronouns may be a shock to Duggar followers given Derick’s past comments about trans TLC star Jazz Jennings.
In 2017, Derick went on a Twitter rant against Jazz when her show was promoted by the network, writing: ‘What an oxymoron… a “reality” show which follows a non-reality. “Transgender” is a myth. Gender is not fluid; it’s ordained by God.’
‘I pity Jazz, 4 those who take advantage of him in order 2 promote their agenda, including the parents who allow these kinds of decisions 2 be made by a child. It’s sad that ppl would use a juvenile this way. Again, nothing against him, unfortunate what’s on TV these days.’
At the time, Derick did not use Jazzs preferred pronouns — she/her — though his opinion and behavior may have evolved in the past three years.
Finally, the couple opened up about finances, reiterating the claim that they were not paid by TLC for appearing on Counting On.
‘Up until the time we left the show, we hadn’t been paid for anything,’ Jill said.
Rule makers: Jill’s parents, Jim Bob and Michelle, are incredibly strict
‘Of course, there were perks that came along with filming, you know, if we were traveling or whatever they might have covered those expenses. And we were grateful for those.
‘But we hadn’t been paid until we were really pressing about it and ended up getting an attorney involved and stuff,’ she said.
‘Basically, once we got an attorney involved, we were able to recover a portion at least of what Jill should have been paid,’ Derick added, but said that it only amounted to a bit more than minimum wage.
Derick has slammed TLC and Jill’s father Jim Bob in the past with similar accusations, insisting on more than one occasion that Jim Bob controlled the contracts — and the purse strings — when it came to the show.
In a previous Q&A video, Jill admitted that some of her views, which are still guided by her faith, have changed a little bit now that she has been able to do more research.
Several of the changes she’s made have been to her appearance. She and her sisters were all raised with very long, curly hair, but recently Jill chopped off quite a few inches.
Modesty: Jill started wearing pants and shorts as a married adult after growing up in only skirts and dresses
Makeover time: Derick added that ‘not being closely associated with the show anymore has allowed that decision to happen more organically’ (the Duggars pictured in 2002)
‘My hair was so heavy and it was giving me headaches,’ she said. Because it was a ‘decent amount,’ she was also able to donate it.
She also got her nose pierced a few years ago after discussing it with Derick.
‘I liked it, we talked about it. I kind of always thought they were cute, nose piercings. But … even if I liked something before, I wouldn’t have done it because of maybe some of the backlash that I would get from people close to me, or something. I just hate confrontation so I would have avoided it,’ she said.
‘I think growing as a person, growing closer together as a couple is helpful. So when Derick told me he was cool with me getting my nose pierced… we decided that it was cool.
‘Because of the journey that we’ve made as a couple, I was more comfortable with decisions that we make as a family. Like basically having healthy boundaries and everything, and being OK sometimes with other people not being OK is a hard thing but as long as we knew that the decisions were not wrong, they were just ones that other people might not make for themselves, then that’s, like, good for us,’ she said.
Transparency: The couple has been candid in several Q&A videos on YouTube
He approves: Jill said she always thought nose piercings were ‘cute,’ and when Derick said he was OK with it, she got one for herself
Derick added that ‘not being closely associated with the show anymore has allowed that decision to happen more organically.’
As for wearing pants, Jill said it wasn’t ‘a reactionary thing,’ but she did follow the bible’s words to ‘leave and cleave’ and that led her to ‘reevaluate things.’
‘I felt like I could be modest and wear pants,’ she said.
She and Derick aren’t even anti-tattoo, though neither has one just yet.
‘We’re not against tattoos,’ said Jill. ‘Biblically, I don’t think there’s something wrong with it.
‘I’m a very sentimental person, so I could see myself getting a tattoo… except for that I hate needles,’ she added.
Finally, the couple talked about the possibility of growing their family, revealing that they would like more kids but don’t know how many.
Off they go! The couple’s oldest son, Israel, recently started attending kindergarten at a public school
‘Yes, we would love more kids if God chooses to give us more,’ said Jill.
‘How many? I don’t know that we have a number. Probably not 20 kids, but again, we’re not gonna rule anything out. If God wants us to run an orphanage or something…’ she went on.
‘Derick’s mom was adopted, so adoption has always had a special place in our heart.’
In their first candid Q&A video, the pair talked alcohol.
‘We try and practice what the bible says about anything, and as far as alcohol, the scripture is pretty clear that drunkenness is absolutely sinful,’ Derick said.
‘Neither one of us has ever drank to drunkenness and don’t ever plan to. But that doesn’t mean that Jill wouldn’t have a piña colada at dinner or something.’
‘We also just want to be careful and sensitive to other people, too. You just have to know yourself and your boundaries,’ added Jill.
Freedom! Jill was pictured enjoying a piña colada while out for a date night with her husband Derick Dillard this summer, and she confirmed she drinks alcohol but doesn’t get drunk
‘Even with our kids and stuff, eventually — obviously, they’re really young right now — but eventually, I think it’s good… for them to see, like, a healthy balance in our lives,’ she went on.
She also admitted to People that her attitudes are a departure from how she was raised.
‘Growing up, the whole idea of drinking was not encouraged,’ she said.
‘I know my parents would not be happy with it, and I know that my siblings, some more than others, would probably have an issue with it. Other ones would probably be like, “Whatever’s good for y’all, that’s fine. Live your life.”
‘So far nobody’s said anything to us about it,’ she added.
‘We have boundaries,’ she went on. ‘In our faith, we believe like we’re not supposed to get drunk.
‘So, with drinking, it’s not like we’re just like going crazy. It’s more socially here and there, or at home, for a date or something. Our kids are pretty young right now, but I think it’s good for them to see a healthy balance.’
Source: Daily Mail