While many teenagers were experiencing their first crushes and navigating the complexities of young love, Lauren Harkins stood out with a markedly different perspective. As her peers delved into the world of dating, Lauren found herself disinterested in such pursuits.
Observing her friends endure the tumult of breakups and the inevitable drama that accompanies high school romance only reinforced her decision to steer clear of these experiences. For Lauren, the realm of love wasn’t appealing.
This outlook on romance persisted well beyond her teenage years, remaining unchanged through her 20s and into her 30s. Now, at 35, Lauren has never been on a date, shared a kiss, or engaged in sexual activity, and she embraces this path she has chosen.
Despite encountering significant criticism online, Lauren, who describes herself as a ‘late bloomer,’ stands by her decision to forgo intimacy without any regrets.
“I never felt embarrassed or left behind when my friends started finding love. In fact, my choice to abstain from dating made me feel more confident,” Lauren, a resident of Portland, Maine, shared in a recent interview with the Daily Mail.
She elaborated that her initial decision to avoid romantic relationships stemmed from a lack of interest in the pressures and expectations typically associated with young love.
‘It wasn’t because of lack of opportunity,’ she vowed. ‘I just had a strong sense that it wasn’t my season yet.
‘I wanted to focus on building myself, understanding what I valued and creating a life that felt aligned before inviting someone else into it.’
Lauren Harkins is a 35-year-old virgin and she spoke about her decision to refrain from sex with the Daily Mail
While many other teens were developing their first crushes and navigating their first romances, Harkins said she had little interest in dating when she was younger
And watching her friends go through some hard splits only ‘reinforced’ her decision.
‘I could see how emotionally consuming [relationships] could be, and I knew I was still in a phase of self-discovery,’ she continued.
‘I didn’t want to rush into these kinds of attachments before I understood myself and my direction more clearly.’
Despite having a late start, Harkins is now ‘open to love’ and strongly believes she’s going to find it. But she added that she still has no interest in ‘casual’ sex and doesn’t think she ever will.
‘I don’t approach sex or intimacy casually because I think it carries emotional and energetic weight,’ she explained.
‘Who you connect with matters, and I’ve always been intentional about protecting that part of myself.
‘I’m not chasing [love] or looking to rush into anything. I want to meet someone from a place of stability and true alignment.
‘I feel confident that I’ll find love in the coming years, and I trust myself to recognize it when it’s right.’
Join the debate
Is society too quick to judge people who choose to wait for love and intimacy?
Harkins’ attitude towards romance didn’t waver through her 20s and 30s, and now at age 35, she has happily never been on a date, kissed anyone or had sex
Harkins’ unusual stance has led to her receiving immense backlash online, with haters branding her as ‘expired’ or ‘narcissistic’ in the past
Harkins’ unusual stance has led to her receiving immense backlash online, with haters branding her as ‘expired’ or ‘narcissistic’ in the past.
But she’s unfazed by the hate, telling the Daily Mail: ‘People are free to feel however they want – it doesn’t affect me or where I’m headed.
‘I make a conscious effort to not take online negativity personally. It can be tempting, but I don’t believe in punching down.’
Harkins explained that many people accuse her of lying about not having sex because of her confidence, or claim that she doesn’t ‘seem like a virgin’ – which she finds ridiculous.
‘To me, this simply reflects how narrow and outdated many of our assumptions still are – and I’m more than happy to challenge those stereotypes,’ she said.
She insisted that despite the criticism she has also received an ‘overwhelming’ amount of positive messages from people who say her story has ‘helped them feel less alone.’
Harkins explained that many people accuse her or lying about not having sex because of her confidence, or claim that she doesn’t ‘seem like a virgin’ – which she finds ridiculous
Despite having a late start, Harkins is now ‘open to love’ and strongly believes she’s going to find it
But she added that she still has no interest in ‘casual’ sex and doesn’t think she ever will
‘I hope people take comfort in knowing there’s nothing wrong with moving at your own pace,’ she said.
‘We’re not all meant to follow the same path, and no one knows you better than you know yourself. Honor that. And don’t be afraid to stand alone while you get to where you’re going.’
Harkins has ‘no regrets’ and is excited for what the future holds.
‘I’ve held the line on my standards, values and integrity, and that’s something I will continue to carry forward for the rest of my life,’ she concluded.
‘I move if and when it feels right, not out of pressure or expectation, and I trust that what is meant for me won’t pass me by. I genuinely love my life, and I love the person I am.’
