Communities Unite in Collective Grief After Tragic Bondi Terror Attack: A Story of Support and Resilience

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Crowds continue to flock to a floral tribute at Sydney’s Bondi Beach, as a shared sense of loss is felt across Australia and around the world, following the terror attack at the beach on Sunday 14 December.

This loss is especially felt among Jewish communities who were targeted in the antisemitic attack, as Cara told SBS News.

“For Jewish people, every single person who has been murdered here is like our brother, like our sister, like our mother, like our father.”

“We are collectively grieving together,” she said.

“Gathering each night to light the menorah, a symbolic nine-branched candle holder, is usually a joyful ritual, a moment filled with light,” he explained.

“However, in the shadow of terrorism, this unity can also serve as an act of resistance,” he added.

The flower memorial is just one example of a site for collective grief following the shooting, which killed 15 people.

Grief Australia’s chief executive Christopher Hall said collective grief is a “shared experience”, where people gather to “have their own experience of grief recognised and validated”.

“Sometimes, it’s a desire to restore that sense of safety, of connection,” Hall said.

“It conveys a message that your suffering is acknowledged, and you are not isolated,” he continued.

Hall added that society has moved away from the idea that people move through grief in an “orderly or predictable way”.

He acknowledged there will be differences in the way people engage with grief, but said collective grief is “partly a desire to connect with others and overcome a sense of powerlessness in the wake of loss”.

“I think it’s also very helpful for grieving people often to grieve with others, to actually see other people expressing emotion, of sharing their suffering,” Hall said.

He emphasized that the Jewish community is diverse, and while they share a collective sorrow, individuals express their grief in unique ways.

Before the gathering, Mordecai remarked, “We must allow each person to speak and share their grief without interruption. Our role is to witness their sorrow and listen, even when their words challenge us.”

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese says arrangements are being made for a day of national mourning for the Jewish community in the new year. On Sunday, one week on from the attack, there was a national day of reflection for all Australians to honour the victims.

Thousands of people gathered for a vigil at the Bondi memorial, and a minute’s silence at 6.47pm (AEDT), the time the shooting started, was observed.

People elsewhere had been asked to light a candle and place it in their front window, before observing a minute’s silence at 6.47pm.

Rabbi George Mordecai is from the Emanuel Synagogue in the Sydney suburb of Woollahra, not far from Bondi.

Hall observed, “This strong urge to come together leads to the creation of temporary or lasting memorials, forming an emotional space where the living engage with memories of those who have passed.”

Mordecai said while there’s been “a lot of anger, sadness and fear”, there’s also been an “outpouring of warmth” from the greater Australian community.

“It’s really warmed my heart,” he said.

“I’d be walking on the street and people see my kippah on my head and they’d come up to me and say: ‘We’re with you’”.

In an attempt to rebuild a sense of safety and hope, Mordecai hosted a listening circle at the weekend, where Jewish people and others can gather to share their grief.

Ahead of the event, Mordecai said: “We’re not allowed to interrupt that person while that person is speaking and expressing their grief. And we are bearing witness to their grief and listening even across difference, even when it’s difficult for us to hear maybe.”

‘Love with nowhere to go’

Hall said rituals are an important part of the grieving process as they offer a sense of purpose and agency.

He said people might have conversations with others, participate in activism or engage in charitable work, as seen through the thousands of people lining up to donate blood following the mass shooting.

“I often describe grief as love with nowhere to go,” Hall said. “It’s this energy that seeks expression”.

Hall said our Western culture “lacks robust rituals for traumatic loss”, and that people coming together is an important act as “social beings”.

“This is where we see this often overwhelming desire to meet communally, to create these temporary and sometimes permanent memorials, which serves as a sort of an emotional landscape where the living encounters the memory of the deceased,” Hall said.

Communities grieve ‘sense of safety’

It’s not just the Jewish community in Bondi reeling after this tragic event.

A Hanukkah celebration in London on Tuesday evening turned into a vigil for victims of the Bondi attack, while a celebration in Jerusalem united Jewish organisations to honour the victims.

Professor Nicole Sadler is the CEO of Phoenix Australia, a centre for post-traumatic mental health.

She said traumatic events can create layers of grief across multiple communities, particularly around a loss of a “sense of safety and security”.

Sadler said some people will grieve the loss of what Bondi meant to them, while others will be affected by the impact of this happening at the start of a religious celebration. The shooting happened on the first evening of Hanukkah, the Jewish festival of lights, which is celebrated over eight days.

“All that can contribute to a sense of loss, and we might think about those in collective ways,” she said.

Sadler said social support is one of the most helpful measures in being able to recover from the trauma of these events.

“So anything that is about reestablishing a community, bringing the community back together, acknowledging what has happened to the community.”

‘Reclaim the beach’

In an effort to re-establish that sense of community, hundreds gathered for a commemorative swim at Bondi beach on Wednesday morning to honour the victims and express solidarity with the Jewish community.

Courtney Moran is a member of Bondi Fairy Penguins swim club — which was one of the groups behind Wednesday’s swim event.

She told SBS that Bondi locals wanted to “stand alongside the grief” of the Jewish community.

“We really want to reclaim the beach and start to move forward and recreate those memories of Bondi Beach being a safe and happy place,” Moran said.

“I think ritual gives grief a bit of structure, especially when the words fall short”.

“The ocean holds a lot of people without judgement. “It allows emotions to be felt physically through breath, movement, cold and stillness rather than kind of being explained.”

Grief rituals in Judaism

In Judaism, the initial seven-day period of bereavement is known as shiva and involves a host of rituals while mourners remain at home to grieve the deceased — including reciting of the Kaddish, a hymn of praise to God, as well preparing a meal for mourners upon their return from the cemetery.

Rabbi Yossi Friedman said the typical custom in Judaism is to lay a stone in honour of the deceased as it “represents permanence”.

Standing in front of the floral tribute, Friedman said the flower memorial is a moving show of solidarity from non-Jewish Australians.

“Beautiful that we have here, we have stones, we have flowers,” Friedman said. “Each one personalised by people who have really been touched by this tragedy.”

Rabbi Mordecai said it’s also important that grief isn’t politicised, especially during this sacred bereavement period.

“I do want to say it’s really troubling for me when I see our grief being politicised right now in the general community,” he said.

“For us right now the seven days following a funeral of a loved one in Jewish tradition is a very holy time”.

Mordecai said the power of dialogue and listening “cannot be overstated”, pointing to his involvement in interfaith dialogue with Palestinian, Arab and Muslim communities.

“Let Australia grieve too, not just the Jewish community,” Mordecai said.

“I have no doubt we will get beyond this as Jews, and also the greater community as well.

“We have to form a circle of love to support those who are grieving until they’re ready to step out of that grief, and that could take a long time and we have to allow for that.”