"The Unvarnished Truth: The Challenges of Dating in Rural Australia"

Share this @internewscast.com

Grace Smith lives on acreage west of Barraba, around an hour from Tamworth in north-eastern NSW. The picturesque and historic rural town offers everything she loves — friends, community, her home and horses, and strong job prospects in agriculture. But it lacks one thing: someone to date.

With just 1,328 residents and a median age of 58 — 20 years above the national average — Barraba’s dating pool is limited. Now in her mid-30s and wanting a family, Grace admits she’s “feeling the pressure”.

All her relationships have been long-distance, an arrangement she said rural people accept but city-based partners often struggle with.

“Country people don’t think distance is an issue. For people in more metropolitan areas, it’s often the biggest hurdle. For them, if we’re not seeing each other at least two or three times a week, it doesn’t count as a relationship,” she told The Feed.

“It’s disheartening.”

Grace Smith says she is trying to attend as many social events as she can to try to meet a potential partner. Source: Supplied

Grace says in her experience, many city dwellers are reluctant to embrace rural life.

“Our lives revolve around agriculture and it’s demanding. It’s rare to find somebody willing to take that on. I think city or coastal people often feel more out of their depth here than a country person would in the city.”

She also believes values are more traditional in the country.

“Casual hook-up culture is a lot less prominent. Out here, people want a partner to start a family or build a business with. They want somebody in their corner. I don’t think people in the city feel that as strongly.

“Dating in the city has its own challenges, but we have it harder.”

‘By night, it’s dead’

Brady Robards, associate professor of sociology at Monash University, describes urban dating markets as “thick” and rural ones as “thin”.

“In thicker markets, you can be more selective. There’s always the sense that if you keep dating, you’ll eventually find the perfect person. But if you want to settle down quickly, that choice can be overwhelming.

“In thinner markets, options are limited, so each side has its pros and cons,” he told The Feed.

Aside from the geographical isolation and limited dating pool, there are other challenges for singles in rural Australia. Small, close-knit communities make it harder to form new relationships or freely express yourself, especially true for LGBTIQ+ people. Many farming areas also face a shortage of women.

Rear view of a woman and a man embracing while standing in a paddock.

Many rural Australians struggle to find a potential partner who shares their values and lifestyle priorities. Source: Supplied / Howdy

This is a problem 31-year-old Tom Mitchell knows firsthand. The farm manager moved four years ago from the NSW Hunter Valley to Porters Retreat near Oberon, NSW. It’s a community of just 64 people, according to the 2021 Census.

Like Grace, he’s become accustomed to long-distance dating.

“Every relationship I’ve had, I’ve been a couple of hours away. It’s not easy. You need a lot of trust and travel takes time. Agriculture is demanding, so getting away often means planning your entire week around it,” he said.

Tom said finding someone to date in Porters Retreat “has been a nightmare”. He refuses to give up his country lifestyle for love, meaning any partner “has to understand the rural lifestyle or be willing to partake”.

Robards said our environments shape us, so city dwellers and country people often have very different values and expectations.

“Those who thrive in cities, with nightlife and cultural options, are usually attracted to a different life than those raised in regional areas,” he said.

In Tom’s experience, city people rarely adapt.

“There’s blood and there are long hours; it’s not exactly glamorous. You might spend all day on the farm, then head out shooting at night to control animals on crops. The city girl usually doesn’t agree with that.

“And the isolation is tough. By night, it’s dead. Some might appreciate it, but I haven’t found one yet who does.”

Broadening the search

Loneliness affects around 35 per cent of rural Australians, harming physical, emotional, and social health, according to 2024 research by Charles Sturt University. In one study of 225 participants over 18, nearly a third were single.

Mia Ryan, who grew up on a farm in the Hunter Valley, knows the struggle of building connections across distance.

“For a country person to go on a date, that’s a really big thing. There’s more pressure and more effort,” she said.

A woman in a stetson hat tends to a horse.

Mia Ryan is the founder of a rural dating app. She says the geographic isolation of rural life makes forming relationships difficult. Source: Supplied

In an attempt to help rural singles connect, in March 2024 Mia launched dating app Howdy in March 2024. It has already been downloaded 20,000 times — three quarters of those by people in rural areas, and the rest by those in regional or urban centres open to a rural lifestyle.

This month, Mia celebrated the first wedding of a couple that met through the app, while she also loves hearing engagement and pregnancy news from users.

She says distance isn’t a barrier for users, with 80 per cent of couples formed on the app living more than 500km apart.

“If they find someone who understands their lifestyle and wants it too, the distance doesn’t matter. They’ll make it work,” she said.

Mainstream dating app Hinge has also noticed Australian users becoming more accepting of distances.

It reports they are increasingly willing to travel for love, with the average maximum distance set at 90km. In the past three months, 21 per cent have expanded their dating radius.

“This reflects a broader trend,” said Logan Ury, Hinge’s lead relationship scientist. “Daters are clearer about what they want, and willing to go farther to find it.”

For rural singles, Ury advises setting clear expectations around communication, planning visits to look forward to, and focusing on meaningful time together. Technology can also bridge the gap, he says — from virtual dinners and movie nights to simple daily check-ins.

Discussing long-term goals and creating small rituals is also key to making long-distance relationships last.

Singles events

Mia wanted to address what was for many singles a bigger issue than distance: a lack of confidence and experience.

“People crave connection, but isolation means they don’t always know what to do next or feel confident enough to approach someone,” she said.

While Bachelor and Spinster Balls, or B&S balls, are still bringing young, rural single people together, Mia said they’re not for everyone.

“They can be a bit wild,” she said. “I wanted to recreate the old-school country dances our grandparents talked about.”

Her app’s first singles event, held in Orange in August, drew around 250 people, with the next set for New Year’s Eve at Tocal Agricultural College near Newcastle.

“In Orange it was quite a civilised night, with even numbers of men and women. We had talks on dating and confidence. Ages and genders didn’t matter — everyone was there for the same reason, which meant everyone was very open-minded and happy to connect. People came from almost every state, which was amazing.”

Four women in formal dresses pose for the camera.

The first Howdy singles event in Orange in August attracted 250 people from almost every state in Australia. Source: Supplied

Tom has started seeking out more social opportunities — from rodeos and camp drafts to birthday parties, even if they’re hours away. But he said the singles event in Orange was “much easier” because everyone there was single.

“You don’t have to wonder who’s single and who’s not. It takes out a lot of the guesswork.”

He even met a woman from Windsor, outside Sydney, who he says “likes the country lifestyle” and who he’s now dating,

Grace, meanwhile, has stepped back from dating apps after some bad experiences and is focusing on meeting people in real life through singles events.

For her, finding the right match comes down to shared values and a passion for rural life.

“You need someone who’s not only okay with distance but willing to take on the rural lifestyle with you,” she said.

“If they’re not prepared to step into your world, there’s no potential.”