The phone buzzes. Would your 10-year-old be interested in a chat with the president? He’s currently keeping an eye on Santa Claus from his Palm Beach living room.
“We want to ensure there’s no infiltration from a rogue Santa into our country. So, rest assured, Santa is good. He loves you and Oklahoma, just as I do. Oklahoma was incredibly supportive during the election, so I have a special fondness for it. Promise me, you’ll always stay in Oklahoma, okay?”
“You mean the clean, beautiful coal?” Trump interjects with a grin. “I just had to say that, forgive me.”
The next call comes in, and there’s a pause on the line.
“How do you like this room, everyone? No issues with ceiling height,” the president remarks to break the silence, glancing at the ornate golden ceiling. “Are you there, general?”
A five-year-old from Pennsylvania is patiently waiting on the line.
“Pennsylvania is great. We won Pennsylvania actually, three times, but we won Pennsylvania. We won it in a landslide. So I love Pennsylvania,” Trump declares.
Santa is now above Copenhagen.
“Could do this all day long,” the president proclaims. “We have to get back to China, Russia, Ukraine. We have to get back to other things, but this, you could do this all day long. Okay, general, we’re ready.”
Melania Trump has hung up her phone.
“How are you doing, first lady?” the president asks from across the room.
“I’m waiting for a phone call,” she replies.
