Brando. Redford. Newman. McQueen. De Niro. Depp. Pitt.

Chalamet?

With Timothée Chalamet clinching the Golden Globe for Best Actor, Hollywood seems intent on positioning him not just as a top-tier heartthrob but as a modern symbol of masculinity.

And why wouldn’t they? Despite his youthful appearance, Chalamet, a 30-year-old with an endearingly sparse mustache, embraces this role with enthusiasm.

He struts with swagger reminiscent of classic tough guys, much like his character Marty Supreme—a hustler navigating the gritty, high-stakes world of underground ping-pong in New York City.

Ping-pong.

Hollywood remains on suicide watch.

It’s hard to think of a recent actor more brattish, more rodent-like, more enamored of his own looks and acting prowess that Chalamet — who is also dating Kylie Jenner but often seems embarrassed by that.

Embarrassed of her.

If Timothee’s win at the Golden Globesfor Best Actor in is anything to go by, Hollywood is doubling down on its insistence that he is not only an A-list heartthrob but also their best representation of masculinity.

And that really says something, because the rumor I’m hearing out of Hollywood is that Kylie’s momager supreme, Kris Jenner, has been masterminding Timmy’s thirsty campaign for Oscars glory.

It would make sense. Just look at how quickly Timmy has righted his ship.

It’s not two months since he made a complete fool of himself in a leaked video of an interal marketing meeting at A24 — which he later, conveniently, claimed was a deliberate skit — by ranting about how Marty Supreme is a consequential, important film.

At several points, he looked directly into the camera, made an wild hand gestures and yelled, ‘SCHWAP!’

You have got to be kidding me.

He even managed to turn off the actors who voted for him at the SAG awards last February, where he won for his turn as Bob Dylan in A Complete Unknown.

‘I’m really in pursuit of greatness,’ Chalamet said. ‘I know people don’t usually talk like that, but I want to be one of the greats’.

As if every other person in that room doesn’t?

He’s so tone-deaf, so hubristic, so full of himself that he even repels his fellow Hollywood swamp creatures.

When he won at the Critics Choice Awards last week, his fellow nominee Joel Edgerton looked like he wanted to kill someone.

Ethan Hawke turned to his wife and laughed out loud.

This was, after all, just a few weeks after Chalamet went viral for another interview full of unearned swagger.

Slouched in a chair, comporting himself as though we are lucky enough to hear him speak, he said:

‘This is probably my best performance, you know, and it’s been like seven, eight years that I’ve been handing in really, really committed top-of-the-line performances. And it’s important to say it out loud because the discipline and the work ethic I’m bringing to these things — I don’t want people to take it for granted. I don’t want to take it for granted. This is really some top-level sh**.’

That video has reportedly since been taken down online, but his cohort won’t easily forgot.

Mocking Chalamet on the Critics Choice red carpet were Hacks creator Paul W. Downs and actress Meg Stalter who savaged Chalamet and Kylie Jenner by dressing as they did for a Marty Supreme premiere — in bright orange, Downs with a replica of Chalamet’s black leather crossbody bag, in the shape of a ping pong paddle, slung across his torso.

Chalamet didn’t see that in real time. Why? Because he and Jenner arrived 90 minutes late, skipping all the boring stuff until his name was called.

And whether Jenner will show up with him is always in question. They’ve been dating for several years, but Chalamet reportedly breaks up with her constantly, allows her to be humiliated, and won’t call her by her name (wink-wink) when he wins awards.

He simply calls her by the generic ‘my partner’.

If Kris Jenner gets Chalamet the Oscar he’s so clearly gagging for, he’s surely going to have to pay up — metaphorically speaking, that is.

Just before the Globes, Kirsten Dunst posted a picture of her husband Jesse Plemons, nominated himself for Bugonia, and captioned it with four simple words: ‘Some top-level sh**.’

Since that massive self-inflicted wound, Chalamet has done a swift turnabout, playing humble on stage and acknowledging his fellow nominees.

And why not? Chalamet, who looks 12 but is actually a 30-year-old man with a struggle mustache, sure seems to think of it like that.

Gone, too, are the kooky outfits. Now we’re just in boring suits or all-black — and he even ditched Jenner to walk the Globes red carpet on Sunday.

And that narrative threatened to overshadow his win. A lipreader told the Daily Mail that the two were fighting at their table.

Chalamet seemed to allow a lesser-known actress to greet him effusively while blatantly snubbing Kylie, who had gestured to say hello.

It all just exemplifies Hollywood’s death spiral, this rude, boorish, self-congratulatory behavior that brooks no etiquette, politeness or sense of proportion.

Sean Penn smoked, in flagrant violation of the venue’s no-smoking rule, through the ceremony. Several stars simply got up and left after doing their categories. Amanda Seyfried visibly pouted when she lost. And Julia Roberts interrupted herself from naming the winner of the night’s biggest award (best picture) to talk about how she just lost and rambled on and on while every nominee was surely in agony.

So as Hollywood wonders how to correct itself, look no further than the 2026 Golden Globes, and the young star they’re so sure is our next leading man.

A sorry excuse for one.