The daughter of serial killer Dennis Rader has spoken about what it’s like being the child of a murderer in a podcast.

Kerri Rawson’s father, known as the BTK killer, terrorized Wichita, Kansas for years. His moniker, which stands for “bind, torture, kill,” was self-assigned and reflective of his method of operation. His reign of terror, characterized by horrific murders and taunting letters, continued until 1991.

The now 80-year-old killer confessed to taking the lives of ten individuals, including two young children ages nine and eleven, in Wichita from 1974 to 1991. Investigators, however, have also connected him to two other possible victims.

Rader’s downfall was a result of his own arrogance. He had been covertly communicating with the police, particularly Wichita Police Lieutenant Ken Landwehr, who Rader thought shared a unique relationship with him. These exchanges often included his odd BTK emblem and spelling errors, alongside mocking remarks about his heinous acts.

By 2004, it had been 13 years since his last known murder, leading to a newspaper publishing an article implying that the public had moved on from the BTK legacy. This evidently provoked Rader, prompting him to resume his communication with authorities.

Within his interactions with Lieutenant Ken Landwehr, Rader inquired if he could safely send a floppy disk without leading the police back to his computer. Deceptively, Landwehr assured him it was safe. When Rader sent the disk via a local TV station, investigators traced it to a local Lutheran church, identifying Rader as the president of the congregation there.

Kerri discovered her father’s gruesome history in her mid-twenties. She openly discusses the challenges of reconciling with his actions, elaborating on her personal struggles in several of her publications.

She has also appeared in a number of interviews, and was the subject of an episode of ABC’s 20/20 True Crime Vault podcast, titled My Father BTK, which was published in July this year (after originally airing in 2019).

Kerri Rawson (pictured, left) is seen with her father, the serial killer Dennis Rader in May 1999 – after he had killed 10 people

Rader committed his first murder four years before his daughter was born, and continued in nightmarish secrecy through her childhood until she was 12.

After being convicted of 10 murders, Rader was handed 10 consecutive life sentences and, with no chance of parole for 175 years, will die in prison. He escaped execution because Kansas had no death penalty at the time of the murders. 

Speaking on the podcast about when she learnt the FBI had arrested her father on suspicion of the murders, Kerri said she wanted to ‘pass out’.

She added: ‘I was like, my father’s a good guy. He’s Boy Scout leader, president of the church. You’ve got the wrong man, because you don’t believe it’s true, and you don’t want it to be true. You know, the father, you know, is not capable of any of [that].’

In fact, it was holding down this façade as a family man with an everyday job that meant Rader was able to remain above suspicion for the notorious killings.

However, one of his jobs helped him commit the crimes: from 1974 to 1988, Rader worked a humdrum job for ADT Security installing home security alarms. The role gave him eerie access to people’s homes and an intricate understanding of personal security, which he would use in his crimes such as cutting the phone lines before creeping inside.

According to Kerri, learning the truth about her father made her feel that ‘every moment of [her] whole life was a lie, even back to before [she was] born’. 

When asked if she was worried her mother had also been involved in the crimes, Kerrie said: ‘No, I never imagined that my mom was involved in anything bad. I was very worried about her, and wanted to call her and let her know I was okay, and I wanted to know how my brother was doing. 

Kerri (pictured, right) has said ‘nobody wants to believe their father could be capable of such monstrous things’ (Dennis Rader, pictured left)

‘He was stationed in Connecticut with the Navy and so I wasn’t able to talk to my mom or my brother for six or seven hours after the arrest.’

Mrs Rader – who was granted an emergency divorce from her killer husband in 2005 –  sounded heartbroken and grief stricken after hearing about the arrest Kerri revealed.

Kerrie has spoken about how difficult it was to learn about the crimes, telling PEOPLE in 2019: ‘It took more than 10 years before I could even sit across from someone and even talk about this. Nobody wants to believe their father could be capable of such monstrous things.

‘If my mother, brother or I ever had any inkling, we would’ve gone screaming to the police.’ 

Despite his unimaginable acts, Kerrie has said that during her childhood, Rader would normally resemble an average middle-America dad – but he would occasionally show flashes of a violent temper.

In her book A Serial Killer’s Daughter: My Story of Faith, Love, and Overcoming, she wrote: ‘The key to surviving life with dad? Watch the pot closely, turn down the heat, and know when to get out of its way before it blows.’

Describing the moment she was told about the killings, she wrote: ‘I grabbed at the wall jutting out near the stove. I was shaking all over. The room turned red. Dark splotches came into view. I was falling into a black hole, with no idea of how I was ever going to get out.’  

Despite the extreme trauma of learning her father was a serial killer, Kerri has gone on to help law enforcement solve cold cases.

Dennis Rader (pictured) was convicted of killing 10 people – but it is believed that he may be responsible for more murders

In January 2023, she first became aware of new cold cases linked to her father through the investigation into the disappearance of Cynthia ‘Cyndi’ Dawn Kinney, a 16-year-old cheerleader who was last seen in 1976.   

In June that year, she said she then became aware of the unsolved murder case of Shawna Garber, whose remains were found near Pineville, MO, in December 1990, which motivated her to volunteer to help investigators.

At the time, Osage County, Oklahoma, Undersheriff Gary Upton said the investigation into whether he was responsible for additional crimes started with the re-examination last year of the 1976 disappearance of Kinney in Pawhuska.

Rader has been questioned over the two disappearances before, and denied killing either woman but did previously say he ‘enjoyed’ his meeting with investigators over the Garber’s disappearance. 

The cases were reopened, and Kerrie was enrolled to help. She had not seen her father face-to-face  since his arrest in 2005. Rader had been unhelpful in discussing the unsolved cases with police, and it was hoped his daughter could help break him down and reveal further details of his gruesome crimes.

She fly out to see her father in Kansas for a total of three hours in June and July of 2023.

Speaking about the meeting at the time, she said: ‘I hadn’t had contact with him for 18 years, besides letters. To sit across from him was quite staggering.’

She added that Rader was ‘shocked’ by her visit as she hadn’t told him she was coming, and she found that her father’s health has deteriorated significantly to the point where she ‘doesn’t know how much time he has left.’

BTK’s ten victims: (L-R) January 15, 1974: #1 Julie Otero (aged 33) Strangled with a rope; #2 Joseph Otero (aged 38) Suffocated with a plastic bag; #3 Josephine Otero (aged 11) Hanged with a rope; #4 Joseph Otero, Jr. (aged 9) Suffocated with a plastic bag; April 4, 1974: #5 Kathryn Bright (aged 21) Stabbed 3 times in abdomen with a knife

(L-R) March 17, 1977: #6 Shirley Vian (aged 24) Strangled with a rope; December 8, 1977: #7 Nancy Fox (aged 25) Strangled with a belt; April 27, 1985: #8 Marine Hedge (aged 53) Strangled with hands; September 16, 1986: #9 Vicki Wegerle (aged 28) Strangled with Nylon stocking; January 19, 1991: #10 Dolores E. Davis (aged 62) Strangled with pantyhose

She described him as ‘fragile’, and was wheeled into their visitation in shackles and a wheelchair. Due to his poor eyesight, Kerrie said he didn’t even recognise her at first.

‘His eyesight is really bad and he couldn’t tell who I was right away, but he was shocked,’ she said. ‘He’s in a wheelchair, but he could still give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. It was like a reunion.’

However, when she started pressing for details about the cold cases, Rader brushed her off, dashing hopes he would give grieving families some relief after previously refusing to cooperate with police.

‘He’s still sharp as a tack,’ she said, despite his ailing health. ‘He was coming up with alibis, I mean he could tell I was there for answers. It was surreal.’

Another issue Kerrie spoke about was her father’s court appearances. Rader plead guilty to 10 counts of murder, thereby waiving his right to a jury trial.

However, he appeared in court in June 2005, where he allocuted about the crimes in chilling detail.

Kerrie revealed she had not attended the hearings, explaining: ‘I wouldn’t have been able to do it. I was torn because you want to be there supportive for your father, but the media presence was massively heavy.’ 

Having this type of crisis of identity when a parent has been found guilty of gruesome crimes is not uncommon, according to Dr. Katherine Ramsland, a Professor Emerita of Forensic Psychology at DeSales University, and the author of Confession of a Serial Killer – The Untold Story of Dennis Rader, the BTK Killer.

She worked with Rader himself to analyse his psyche, and delve into the motivations behind his gruesome crimes.

Speaking to Daily Mail, she that there is no single response among those whose parents are serial killers. 

‘The daughters of serial killers I’ve known have struggled over the shock and betrayal of a father (or mother) who has turned out to be a monster,’ Dr Ramsland explained.  

‘The responses differ. Some withdraw, some go public, some change their name and try to live a normal life. A few have been forced into crimes, and some of them have turned their parent in.’

She continued: ‘Whether they forgive or they reject, they’ve been emotionally damaged. Their sense of instability might continue for years. Maybe they’ll never trust again. Some find solace in religion, community, and family. Others hope for the offender to revert back to the person they once knew. A few just cut the offender out of their lives. 

‘Their entire sense of identity has been altered. How they deal with it depends on their perception of the circumstances and their level of resilience.’