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I only scored one goal in a very ordinary Sunday pub league career and it said everything about the standard that the referee asked if I thought I may have been offside.
In his defence, he was working with a hangover and without linesmen. What defence Michael Oliver at the Etihad Stadium last Saturday, though? What defence his assistants? What defence the VAR official Tony Harrington?
Their failure to call offside against Manchester City’s Manuel Akanji as he stood in front and to the right of Fulham goalkeeper Bernd Leno as Nathan Ake headed in. That was all a bit Sunday League, too, wasn’t it?
On the FA website, the explanation of ‘Law 11: Offside’ runs to 984 words and feels about three times as long when you try to read it. It is utterly dizzying. Almost unfathomable, so numerous and pedantic are the clauses and sub clauses. No wonder the match officials sometimes get things wrong.
Nathan Ake’s goal against Fulham was overshadowed by an offside call that was not given
Marco Silva was left incensed by the decision, raging it was ‘impossible’ for the goal to stand
In terms of the Fulham incident, it seems Akanji was deemed to be ‘not interfering’ because he was not directly in Leno’s line of sight. However, the fact the City player had to take evasive action as the ball passed by him means he was ‘making an obvious action which clearly impacts on the ability of an opponent to play the ball’.
That’s one of those sub clauses, right there. See what I mean?
Oliver and Harrington should have known and applied the rules. Of course they should. That’s what they are paid to do.
Equally, the unnecessary complications around this one and many others are so utterly imbecilic that they lead directly to damaging afternoons like this.
Let’s put this simply. Akanji was standing on the six-yard line, dead centre of goal. He was a full yard behind the last Fulham defender. So he was offside. That’s it. Leno can see him. As the ball comes his way, he doesn’t know what the City player is going to do. Akanji may do nothing. He may do something.
The key is that Leno doesn’t know and, as such, his mind cannot be clear.
How hard can this be to understand? It’s the equivalent of standing at a wash basin and somebody else coming to stand at the next one. They are not touching you. They are not talking to you. But they are there and you know it. As such, your focus and attention shifts. Not greatly. But enough.
Ake scored City’s second goal despite Manuel Akanji standing in an offside position (left)
Handball has become similarly lost in uncertainty.
When I was young I knew what handball was and that’s because it was simple. Now it’s not, so I am no longer sure that I do. What I do know is that defending players must occasionally wonder where exactly they are supposed to hang their arms. So why has this become so complicated and so nuanced? Why have key laws in our game become so unclear?
Mail Sport’s Football Editor Ian Ladyman feels the current laws clutter the game and they need to be revised to help officials
The International Football Association Board are the body that have the power here. Arsene Wenger sits on their Football Advisory Panel. Smart guy, Arsene, but prone to unhelpful, left-field thinking. One of his suggestions was to allow players to take throw-ins with their feet. Mind you, he is also in favour of a biennial World Cup, so maybe we should have known.
Some things in football have improved this season. The clampdown on time-wasting, for example. But others will stay the same so long as we continue to clutter our game, and the minds of those who play and officiate it, with the type of nonsense that feels as though it’s come from the nightmares of some half-cut computer game programmer.
There are many issues swirling around football this week. Some are discussed elsewhere on this page. Jordan Henderson and Saudi Arabia. The safety at stadiums of those working for television. Machinations at the Spanish FA.
It’s all important but nothing will ever be more paramount to the future wellbeing of football than how it looks and feels to watch, play and referee. That’s the future health of the game, right there. This is what people talk about on buses, in pubs, round the dinner table and at work. This is the sport. This is what it’s actually about.
Fulham were drawing with City at the time of this incident. Half-time was upon them. But 1-1 became 2-1 and that changed everything. They lost heavily but boss Marco Silva was wronged and so, by extension, are all of us. Every single weekend.
RICE MUST SCORE MORE? NONSENSE!
Does Declan Rice really have to score goals at Arsenal? I am not so sure.
Mikel Arteta is not short of attacking quality in his squad and the suggestion Rice may end up at centre half for England points to his natural instincts and qualities.
The best holding player I ever saw, meanwhile, was Sergio Busquets of Barcelona and Spain. He scored 11 LaLiga goals in 15 years at the Nou Camp and just two in 143 appearances for Spain.
Busquets has won just about every medal and lifted every trophy available. Rice – and indeed Arsenal and England – would happily swap.
Declan Rice scored last weekend – but he doesn’t need to add goals to be a success at Arsenal
TEN HAG RIGHT TO EXPLAIN SANCHO OMISSION
On our It’s All Kicking Off podcast this week, Chris Sutton and I disagreed on the business of Jadon Sancho and Erik ten Hag.
Chris believes the Manchester United manager should not have publicly questioned Sancho’s performances in training when asked to explain the player’s omission from his squad for the trip to Arsenal last Sunday.
For what it’s worth, I feel Ten Hag had every right to explain his reasoning. Why ask questions if we don’t want the answers to be truthful?
Chris and I record our show in London every Monday and then get together on Zoom to do another little one every Thursday. If you have already listened — or indeed watched on YouTube — then thank you. If you haven’t, please join our little gang.
And if you could rate the show or tell us what you think in the comments, that would be very helpful, too.
HENDERSON’S SAUDI SWITCH MAKES HIM LOOK LIKE A PHONEY
However hard he tries, Jordan Henderson will never be able to marry his supposed support for the LGBTQ+ community and a subsequent decision to play football in Saudi Arabia.
At the very least, it presents him as a phoney. Nobody will ever look at a campaign such as the Premier League’s rainbow laces in the same way again.
And one more thing. Henderson also claims he left Liverpool because he was no longer wanted as a first-team player.
Above all else, I never had the midfielder down as a quitter.
Jordan Henderson looks like a phoney talking about LGBTQ+ while playing in Saudi Arabia
NOW IT’S TIME TO WIN
Gareth Southgate’s players have become very good at talking about their new winning mentality. They have discussed it this week having previously referenced it before the Euros two summers ago and before the Qatar World Cup last November. All that is missing now, it seems, is one thing.
GROUNDS FOR OPTIMISM AT BOTTOM OF UNIQUE PYRAMID
A trip with the family to Alton Towers (£7.50 for a hot dog, by the way) took us through Macclesfield and then on to Leek and the Staffordshire Moorlands.
Beautiful countryside and a couple of slices of football heritage, too.
Macclesfield’s stadium, Moss Rose, is 132 years old but has been spruced up. It sparkled in the sunshine as we trundled past. Leek’s Harrison Park, meanwhile, is a mere baby at 75 but sits right in the middle of its community.
Misdirect a cross and the ball will end up out there among the traffic.
The English football pyramid is unique and important. We should all be grateful that, down near the bottom, good people are looking after it.
