Nicola Sturgeon recently shared her emotional struggle with the guilt she felt after experiencing a miscarriage, a loss she partly attributed to her career ambitions. The former First Minister openly discussed this personal tragedy, which occurred shortly after her marriage to Peter Murrell, from whom she is now separated.
Sturgeon revealed that the baby, whom she would have named Isla Margaret, was lost due to what she perceived as her insufficient desire to become a mother at that time. In an emotional interview, she admitted that even after more than ten years, she continues to grapple with the heartache of this experience.
During a candid discussion on STV’s “The Assembly,” the 56-year-old also addressed her deeply unsettling arrest, a memory she described as ‘horrible’ and one she strives to suppress. Despite the personal revelations, Sturgeon remained discreet about her current romantic life, hinting only at the possibility of recent ‘secret rendezvous.’
And, in a tearful interview, the former MSP suggested she was yet to get over the painful experience more than a decade on.
The 56-year-old, during a no-holds-barred interview on STV’s The Assembly, also spoke of her ‘horrible’ arrest, one which she still tries to block from her memory.
And she remained tight lipped about her love life, but alluded to ‘secret rendezvous’ which may have taken place recently.
Ms Sturgeon faced questions from an audience of autistic, neurodivergent and learning disabled people as part of the TV programme.
Nicola Sturgeon with her now estranged husband Peter Murrell on their wedding day
Ms Sturgeon faced questions from an audience of autistic, neurodivergent and learning disabled people on STV’s The Assembly
It comes as her long political career, which saw her serve as Alex Salmond’s deputy as well as the longest serving First Minister, comes to an end.
She suffered the miscarriage at the age of 40, and has previously told of being photographed at a memorial service while still going through it on January 3, 2011.
And the politician began to tear up as one member of The Assembly mentioned the name the baby would have had, Isla Margaret.
Visibly emotional, she said: ‘The mention of her name just got to me.
‘I think at the time, I didn’t want people to say anything to me, because I didn’t really know how I felt about it.
‘The thing I felt most was guilt, because at first I hadn’t been sure that I wanted to have the baby and I was really worried that it would get in the way of my career and everything.
‘Then when I lost her, I don’t know if she was a girl, I always decided, I always thought she was a girl.
‘When I lost the baby, I just had this overwhelming feeling of it was my fault because I hadn’t wanted her enough.’
Ms Sturgeon added: ‘It’s the kind of thing you think you’ve got over and then, suddenly, sitting on television, somebody mentions her name, and you realise deep down inside you kind of haven’t.’
The former SNP leader announced in January last year that she and Murrell had decided to end their marriage after being separated for some time.
She has since revealed there was more to the split than her estranged husband’s alleged crimes.
Murrell, who was chief executive of the SNP, has been charged with embezzling £460,000 of party funds and is due in court later this year.
Ms Sturgeon, who has been cleared of all wrongdoing, was arrested as part of Operation Branchform investigation into SNP finances in 2023.
She described the moment as ‘horrible’ and added: ‘It was not good. I would not recommend it.
‘I think I sort of put myself into some kind of shutdown state, and since then I’ve just tried to blank it out of my head.’
And in the wide-ranging interview, she was asked if she has had any ‘secret rendezvous recently’.
She remained tight lipped, but said: ‘This is the only time I hope in this whole recording that I’m going to do a politician answer, which is, maybe.
‘This is one of these moments where you’re going to have to judge from my body language and read between the lines.’
The Assembly continues at 10pm on Friday on ITV1, ITVX, STV and STV Player.
