SPOILER ALERT! This post contains details from the Season 3 finale of HBO‘s The White Lotus.

Who would have thought that Saxon Ratliff would have been more enlightened than most by his stay at The White Lotus Thailand?

Even star Patrick Schwarzenegger was a bit surprised by the path his self-assured character takes throughout the eight-episode third season of Mike White’s HBO series. While Saxon may have started the week as the man with all the answers, it’s not long before, instead, he’s desperately searching for them.

Speaking with Deadline the morning after the explosive finale (which he watched Sunday night for the first time alongside his cast mates), Schwarzenegger revealed a subtle moment in the finale that was “probably the most profound moment of my acting career,” when audiences truly see the final threads of Saxon’s arrogant exterior unravel and he gives into the idea of seeking enlightenment.

The actor also took some guesses as to how the Ratliff family might be handling their newfound troubles and why he chose to keep himself in the dark on key plot points regarding other characters.

DEADLINE: You said during last night’s finale Q&A with the cast that you didn’t read most of the scripts beyond Saxon’s scenes. Why?

PATRICK SCHWARZENEGGER: There’s two reasons. Number one, I’m just such a huge fan of this show that I honestly just didn’t want to have the experience spoiled for me, and I wanted to be able to watch the show as a viewer, and I’m so happy I did, because it was so great to know these individual people as actors, but then to actually get to watch them do their work and not know their characters. Saxon, he interacts with a lot of different people at the resort, but there’s also a lot of people that he doesn’t interact with. Then number two is like, if my character doesn’t know, then I don’t need to know. I don’t want to know how the girls are talking about me behind my back, or I don’t want things to potentially influence how I deal or talk with other characters if it’s not known to my character. That’s just my train of thought. I mean, of course, if Mike said, ‘Hey, I need you to know X, Y and Z that’s happening’ or something like that, then, of course, I would. I would do or read whatever he needed me to do, and I did read other parts of it. It’s just I didn’t want to know a lot of the ending and a lot of the other stuff that happens without my character.

DEADLINE: What was most surprising to you about the finale, outside of what happens with the Ratliffs?

SCHWARZENEGGER: I thought that the three ladies, I didn’t know anything of their storyline, because I interact with them in Episode 1 at the pool, and then that’s it. So everything with them was like, I don’t know if it’s shocking, but like with Carrie [Coon] with the Russian guy, and Michelle [Monaghan] with Valentin, I didn’t know any of that. That speech at the end with Carrie was just so beautifully written and done. The whole thing was kind of a shocking ending to me. I mean, I literally cried. During the end of it, I just looked over at Aimee [Lou Wood], and I just grabbed her hand. I think, partly because she dies, and then our relationship, just like in real life…it also was kind of just the closure of this chapter of my life. The past year and a half has been all Lotus and from filming and then doing press the last 10 weeks. And then, I just felt like that death kind of solidified the death of this chapter for me. So it just made me, I don’t know, emotional, I guess.

DEADLINE: I’m not sure I expected Saxon to be one of the most enlightened of the bunch when all was said and done. How did you feel about his character arc? Did it surprise you?

SCHWARZENEGGER: Yeah, it’s so funny, because when I was first reading the script, of course, that was my initial worry. Right away, I was like, ‘Oh my god, is this going to be a one note character?’ Then, of course, you can’t ever judge Mike White on the first few episodes. I mean, he’s too beautiful of a writer and too rich to make someone one note and without a great arc. But I’m definitely shocked and surprised to the extent people ended up swinging towards liking Saxon and really enjoying him and feeling for him. I mean, the amount of people that were messaging me today…like, ‘I can’t believe the scene of you watching Aimee go off made me feel bad for you and sad.’ You start by hating this guy, and then he ends up being someone that you kind of feel bad for and root for by, and he has these humanizing moments that you never thought would be possible.

DEADLINE: Your facial expression in that moment is very subtle, but it says a lot. What was important to you to convey about Saxon in that scene?

SCHWARZENEGGER: Well, that it was actually my first week filming…but it’s probably the most profound moment of my acting career, because as an actor, you try to look for the character arc over the eight episodes. You want to play something so that there is this full circle moment. Mike’s not a big rehearsal guy. He doesn’t really spend a lot of time on table reads or rehearsals or any of that stuff. So the first take, I did it, and I did it as this really kind of sweet moment of coming up and playing really cute with Chelsea and saying that I read her books. Just like, this really sweet moment. Mike was like, ‘Dude, don’t do that. Don’t do that. Just be Saxn. Just talk about how you thought the sex stuff was kind of funny, and kind of brush it off and don’t pay attention to her, and then all I want to do is, I just want to have a camera sit here and look at your face as you watch her run and jump into to Rick’s arms. That’s all I care about. I just want that to be the moment.’

So we switched up the scene, and she ran off into Walton’s arms, and I just cocked my head over and and he just stayed on it for probably a very awkward length of time, 20 or 30 seconds, and then yelled cut. He just came over and did his classic whispering, ‘Perfect’ with his okay sign fingers, and yeah. It was just kind of this internalizing moment. He wants to have the audience left with: Will Saxon change? Then you have him with the book on the boat. That’s his full, full circle moment. Although Chelsea’s gone, did Chelsea open up his eyes, and then did she have him potentially change? And if there was a few more episodes, or if there was a live camera back in Durham, how would we think Saxon changed? He’s just kind of longing for, I think, a real relationship. That’s something you see from him, constantly asking his dad for his approval and always looking to his brother to groom him. Then same with the girls. I think he’s finally having that moment where he’s like, ‘Maybe I want something that’s real.’

DEADLINE: Well, if there was a camera back in Durham, do you think Saxon would be acting different? What’s his life like now?

SCHWARZENEGGER: Obviously I wish that there was more episodes that could be filmed. How much of it do I know about what happens to Chelsea? What do I know about the shooting? [Mike] leaves it ambiguous with that, and also with my dad. He wanted that moment at the end, just like to look at my phone and look up to my dad, and that was it. But I don’t know where it would go. I’m assuming it would probably be an ugly scene back home.

DEADLINE: Do you think that they ever find out that Timothy tried to kill them all and nearly did kill Lochlan? Or is he taking that to the grave?

SCHWARZENEGGER: [Laughs]. I don’t know. I guess that’s a question for Mike. I have so many questions, so I don’t even know.

DEADLINE: You, of course, had a few very buzzy moments with Sam this season that really define Saxon and his growth, but I’m curious what the most impactful scene was for you? What moment did you walk away from having a deeper understanding of this character?

SCHWARZENEGGER: Episode 5 and 6 with my brother was a catalyzing moment of what changes him. However, the scene that I felt was the most kind of gut wrenching and and changing was the part where Chelsea calls him soulless, and the scene with the three girls when they’re kind of antagonizing him at the pool, and saying that he had the threesome and stuff like that. It solidifies the swap of power. Saxon is this one that’s always hitting on everybody, and he’s chiming in, and he’s saying his thoughts, and he’s walking around with his chest puffed up, and that’s the first time that they’re antagonizing him and questioning him and making him feel small — shoulders rounded and and speechless. So for me, that was one of the most fun scenes to play, just because I love both those actresses, but also just, this whole time to be playing this big puff piece of a guy and then watching him just unravel was a really fun scene, I thought, to dive into.

DEADLINE: Saxon and his dad seem very similar in that regard. They enter The White Lotus very self assured and they both unravel over the course of this season. With Saxon already in such a vulnerable state now, how do you think it will be for him to realize that his dad is not necessarily a man he should be looking up to?

SCHWARZENEGGER: I’m sure it’s shattering for him. I think that’s one of the themes that happens throughout the season. I think Saxon is a perfect example, and so is his dad, which is kind of this Buddhist ideology of everything that you thought you stood for, everything that you thought made you you, was stripped away. Who really are you? Saxon and and his father, so much of who they are and what they think makes a man is money, is power, is status, is women, is sex, is all these different things, and all of that gets totally flopped onto its side, right? I mean, their status is taken away. Their money is going to be taken away. Their relationships with sex and his whole sex ideology and what he thinks makes a man gets flipped between him and his brother. Everything just gets shattered, which is part of the beautiful point for him, is that he enters The White Lotus as the most confident, sure of himself person, and leaves, I think, as the most internally confused and longing to be someone else. I think part of that is also his relationship with his dad. I think he’s constantly vying for his attention and his approval and as he watches him unravel, I think it does something to him.

DEADLINE: Do you think he feels vindicated at all about Piper’s epiphany? He did tell her early on that he thought her quest to detach herself from her wealth and privilege was ridiculous.

SCHWARZENEGGER: I think part of him is probably like, ‘I told you so.’ Saxon thinks he knows everything. I mean, he thinks it’s his way or the highway, and it comes from an idea of love that he just can’t bear to see his sister be something — well, to him, that’s nothing. Just being empty and not having work, not having a job, being like lost in Thailand, looking at Buddhism, and just being in a state of confusion. So I think that he’s probably happy that his little sister is coming home and had this reckoning. But at the same time, that’s the other thing that’s kind of a beautiful part of watching it…Saxon doesn’t know all these other things that are happening. He doesn’t know this thing that’s happening between his sister and his brother at the monastery, or between his sister and the parents at the breakfast table.