Real Housewives of New Jersey star Jackie Goldschneider has opened up about her 18-year-long battle with anorexia, revealing that she has finally begun her ‘recovery’ from the eating disorder that ‘took over her mind, her body, and her life’. 

The 45-year-old lawyer revealed in a lengthy Instagram post shared on Tuesday that she had secretly been battling an eating disorder for nearly two decades, explaining that the most recent episode of her Bravo reality show ‘marked the beginning of her recovery’.  

Sharing a throwback image of herself and her husband Evan, Jackie wrote: ’18 years of dangerous habits, secretive behaviors and obsessive eating and exercise patterns that I was terrified to let go of, because I wrapped so much of my identity around being thin. 

‘I was ashamed of my behavior around food and scared that people wouldn’t understand why or how I could do this to myself. I also didn’t know how to get help, as a middle aged woman with 4 young children.’ 

Strong: Real Housewives of New Jersey star Jackie Goldschneider shared a candid post where she admitted Tuesday's episode of the popular Bravo show 'marked the beginning of my recovery from an 18 year-long eating disorder that took over my mind, my body and my life'

Strong: Real Housewives of New Jersey star Jackie Goldschneider shared a candid post where she admitted Tuesday's episode of the popular Bravo show 'marked the beginning of my recovery from an 18 year-long eating disorder that took over my mind, my body and my life'

Strong: Real Housewives of New Jersey star Jackie Goldschneider shared a candid post where she admitted Tuesday’s episode of the popular Bravo show ‘marked the beginning of my recovery from an 18 year-long eating disorder that took over my mind, my body and my life’

Jackie and Evan have two sets of twins — 13-year-old sons Jonas and Adin, and 11-year-old son Hudson and daughter Alexis. 

‘There’s so much shame around ED’s and so many things that people don’t know about them, and because of that, millions of us struggle in silence,’ she continued. ‘A person dies every 52 minutes from an eating disorder, which means over 10,000 deaths each year.’

'18 years of dangerous habits, secretive behaviors and obsessive eating and exercise patterns that I was terrified to let go of, because I wrapped so much of my identity around being thin,' she wrote.

'18 years of dangerous habits, secretive behaviors and obsessive eating and exercise patterns that I was terrified to let go of, because I wrapped so much of my identity around being thin,' she wrote.

’18 years of dangerous habits, secretive behaviors and obsessive eating and exercise patterns that I was terrified to let go of, because I wrapped so much of my identity around being thin,’ she wrote.

Jackie became a housewife on the popular franchise in 2018 on season nine and is currently in the throes of season 12; seen on Tuesday night at the Bilt Rewards x Wells Fargo Private Launch Event at SUMMIT One Vanderbilt in New York

Jackie became a housewife on the popular franchise in 2018 on season nine and is currently in the throes of season 12; seen on Tuesday night at the Bilt Rewards x Wells Fargo Private Launch Event at SUMMIT One Vanderbilt in New York

Jackie became a housewife on the popular franchise in 2018 on season nine and is currently in the throes of season 12; seen on Tuesday night at the Bilt Rewards x Wells Fargo Private Launch Event at SUMMIT One Vanderbilt in New York

She added: ‘In my darkest days, I desperately wanted to see someone who had suffered like I suffered, and who had successfully recovered and lived a happy life. When I ultimately decided to acknowledge and recover from this, I wanted to be that person for as many other people as I could.’

Jackie became a housewife on the popular franchise in 2018 on season nine and is currently in the throes of season 12.

She stars alongside Teresa Giudice, Melissa Gorga, Dolores Catania, Margaret Josephs, Jennifer Aydin and new friend to the franchise, Traci Johnson. 

‘Having these conversations on camera was terrifying at times and heartbreaking to watch back, but I am so thankful that I’m finally on this road and I’m grateful to Bravo for allowing me to break my silence so publicly, so that people know there is no shame in having an eating disorder or in asking for help, and that help is available for anyone at any stage of life,’ she wrote.

‘If you are struggling with an eating disorder please call the National Eating Disorder Association hotline at (800) 931-2237 or visit www.nationaleatingdisorders.org for help getting started with recovery.

Jersey girls: She stars alongside (from left) Jennifer Aydin, Dolores Catania, Teresa Giudice, Margaret Josephs, and Melissa Gorga. Tiki Barber's wife, Traci Johnson, was added as a new friend to the franchise for season 12 (seen at the season 10 reunion with Andy Cohen in 2020)

Jersey girls: She stars alongside (from left) Jennifer Aydin, Dolores Catania, Teresa Giudice, Margaret Josephs, and Melissa Gorga. Tiki Barber's wife, Traci Johnson, was added as a new friend to the franchise for season 12 (seen at the season 10 reunion with Andy Cohen in 2020)

Jersey girls: She stars alongside (from left) Jennifer Aydin, Dolores Catania, Teresa Giudice, Margaret Josephs, and Melissa Gorga. Tiki Barber’s wife, Traci Johnson, was added as a new friend to the franchise for season 12 (seen at the season 10 reunion with Andy Cohen in 2020)

Jackie had a full breakthrough on Tuesday night's episode where she allowed cameras into her therapy appointment, and realized her eating disorder was so out of control that it was physically taxing on her mind, body and spirit

Jackie had a full breakthrough on Tuesday night's episode where she allowed cameras into her therapy appointment, and realized her eating disorder was so out of control that it was physically taxing on her mind, body and spirit

Jackie had a full breakthrough on Tuesday night’s episode where she allowed cameras into her therapy appointment, and realized her eating disorder was so out of control that it was physically taxing on her mind, body and spirit 

‘Thank you for all of your messages of love and support. They have been so empowering and incredibly appreciated!.’

Jackie had a full breakthrough on Tuesday night’s episode where she allowed cameras into her therapy appointment, and realized her eating disorder was so out of control that it was physically taxing on her mind, body and spirit.

‘It takes so much work,’ Jackie said. ‘I see what my calendar has on it and I worry which days are going to require me to eat stuff, and which days I’m going to be required to fake it. It’s all day, every day. I hate it so much, and my body hurts. And I do it anyway.’

‘You are not supposed to have to suffer like this,’ Illene, her therapist, said. ‘When people ask me what causes eating disorders, I always say low self esteem. Because the fact is that the amount of anorexia you are describing has to be seeping into and impacting you all the time.’

‘You don’t have a little anorexia, you are full-blown,’ Illene said. 

Heavy child: 'I think it was so traumatic for me to be so heavy as a child. I remember once I was putting on lipstick in the hallway, and a boy walked by and said ''it won't help.'' And I was like he's right. It won't help because I'm just so freaking gross'

Heavy child: 'I think it was so traumatic for me to be so heavy as a child. I remember once I was putting on lipstick in the hallway, and a boy walked by and said ''it won't help.'' And I was like he's right. It won't help because I'm just so freaking gross'

Heavy child: ‘I think it was so traumatic for me to be so heavy as a child. I remember once I was putting on lipstick in the hallway, and a boy walked by and said ”it won’t help.” And I was like he’s right. It won’t help because I’m just so freaking gross’

'You don't have a little anorexia, you are full-blown,' Illene said

'You don't have a little anorexia, you are full-blown,' Illene said

‘You don’t have a little anorexia, you are full-blown,’ Illene said

‘I know,’ Jackie said. ‘I think it was so traumatic for me to be so heavy as a child. I remember once I was putting on lipstick in the hallway, and a boy walked by and said ”it won’t help.” And I was like he’s right. It won’t help because I’m just so freaking gross.’

She began crying remembering the traumatic time: ‘At that point, I was just cutting breakfast in half, I was losing weight. Then I met my husband. I was like he already knows me as this girl who is looking good. I better keep this going.’ 

Jackie said in a confessional that she knows that Evan loves her regardless of what her body looks like, ‘but one of my irrational fears is that if I put on weight, you know I’m not going to be the same person.’

Back at home, Evan told Jackie that he has seen her nuances for so long. Jackie asked him if those things bothered him. He said yes if it was unhealthy.

‘Something like that is just hard for me to hear,’ Jackie said. ‘I know I just jumped down your throat when you tried to help me but I always just did everything myself.’ 

Evan told her that they were at that age where they had to enjoy life.

‘I kind of tricked myself into thinking that I got to a better place but she said to me that I have full-blown anorexia, which I’d never say those words out loud,’ Jackie said. ‘And I have never gotten to the point that I’m at right now, where I’m like okay I’m ready for some help.’

Supportive husband: Jackie said in a confessional that she knows that Evan loves her regardless of what her body looks like

Supportive husband: Jackie said in a confessional that she knows that Evan loves her regardless of what her body looks like

Supportive husband: Jackie said in a confessional that she knows that Evan loves her regardless of what her body looks like

Back at home, Evan told Jackie that he has seen her nuances for so long. Jackie asked him if those things bothered him. He said yes if it was unhealthy

Back at home, Evan told Jackie that he has seen her nuances for so long. Jackie asked him if those things bothered him. He said yes if it was unhealthy

Back at home, Evan told Jackie that he has seen her nuances for so long. Jackie asked him if those things bothered him. He said yes if it was unhealthy

'When I'm all good can you throw out all my measuring spoons,' Jackie said

'When I'm all good can you throw out all my measuring spoons,' Jackie said

‘When I’m all good can you throw out all my measuring spoons,’ Jackie said

‘I just want to be present in a meal with you,’ Jackie said, with Evan admitting: ‘That helps so much with just a deeper connection.’ 

‘But if I gain weight and stuff, you’re okay with that right?’ Jackie asked.

‘Of course,’ Evan said. ‘I love you no matter what size you are. I’m proud you did it and are taking the first steps.’

‘When I’m all good can you throw out all my measuring spoons,’ Jackie said.

‘There are like a hundred of them,’ Evan said.

‘I know,’ Jackie.

Source: dailymail

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