Serena Williams is likely the greatest female athlete ever, her talent, strength, and widespread appeal elevating her beyond just the realm of tennis.

Which is why her latest partnership, launched with a glossy photo shoot for People magazine, is so repulsive.

Serena is pictured, flawlessly airbrushed and administering a GLP-1 injection to her body, lamenting the common challenge of losing weight after the birth of her second daughter.

‘I couldn’t reach my ideal weight regardless of my efforts, no matter how intensely I trained,’ she expressed tearfully. ‘I’ve never taken the easy way out in my career, always dedicating myself fully. I understand what it takes to be the best.’

Spare me the soft-serve interview. I’m calling total BS. Like, a steaming, putrid pile of hot cow turd.

That filtered photo of her mainlining the skinny juice is really just Serena shooting money right into her already overflowing bank account.

She’s not only using the medication, but she’s also a representative for Ro, a telehealth company that links patients to weight-loss medications and those who supply them. ‘It’s not a shortcut,’ reads Ro’s branding. ‘It’s a lifestyle.’

Really? Choosing an injectable weight-loss solution, despite having access to a vast network of nutritionists, trainers, chefs, and health experts, sure resembles taking a shortcut in my eyes.

And what about the implication it sends to countless women who might successfully reach their weight objectives through calorie reduction, improved dietary habits, and engaging in physical exercise?

‘If Serena is chained to the scale and she’s given up, why shouldn’t I?’ you ask. Great question!

Don’t get me wrong, these drugs are lifesavers for diabetics and the morbidly tubby for whom there was previously no hope.

The deadly trend of embracing disgustingly rotund folks in the name of ‘body positivity’ was laughably cruel and only hastened 500+ pounders’ trips to the morgue.

But now Serena’s tipping the scales in the opposite direction and my fear is we’re trading in one deadly trend – death by girth – for another: prescription anorexia.

The negative side effects of these drugs include saggy ‘Ozempic face,’ nausea, stomach problems and a heightened risk of thyroid cancer.

But what’s a little diarrhea when you can look sooooo skinny?

The world’s greatest has given you permission to pharmaceutically starve yourself because retirement has turned her from a hard-working beast into a greedy, vain glorious influencer, happy to fatten her bank account while you wither.

If Serena had embraced her new curves and tailored her workouts accordingly, not only would women everywhere be on board, they might also be healthier for the long haul.

In a quick-fix world where women are literally dying to be a size zero, I hope the high is worth it for you Serena.

Because just like the putrid burps that plague so many GLP-1 users, your latest partnership stinks.

French Roast

France’s First Couple are suing vile MAGA influencer and avowed anti-Semite Candace Owens for claiming Brigitte Macron was born with a baguette. Proving there’s only one bitch bigger than Candace and that’s karma.

Panned out 

The man-hating club just acquired a hot new member. Julia Fox is out and proud. After a two-year celibacy stint, she’s a pansexual and mad as hell that she augmented her body just to make dudes happy. Newsflash: lesbians like hot women too.

Phoning it in

Speaking of curvy sirens, Kylie Jenner got the birthday present of a lifetime when her dead-eyed boyfriend went out of his way by ‘coordinating’ a FaceTime call. What a hopeless romantic! Maybe it’s time to make good on those breakup rumors and tell Timmy to take a long walk off a short Dune! (Get it?)

Bilking it 

Worried Taylor Swift wouldn’t make any money from her 12th studio album? You can breathe a sigh of relief. So far, she’s scheduled to release four vinyl variants of her forthcoming album The Life of a Showgirl. Apparently, Tay Tay will only be satisfied when that life is dipped in gold and smothered in platinum.

Wet and wild

Lena Dunham, you have competition! In the ‘Quick, get this broad a robe!’ department, Jennifer Tilly is thirsty and naked in a pool in an Instagram post titled ‘thirst trap.’ Well, she’s clearly not starving! It made me wonder, is Sea World still open?

Haute Mama

The ink is barely dry on Millie Bobby Brown and Jake Bongiovi’s marriage certificate, but the actress and rock nepo baby are already parents! They adopted a baby girl in a rush to become a family, and like her $2850 Louis Vuitton bag, they’re proving babies are the best accessory.