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For 11 months of the year, most of us do our best to avoid the sugar and fat that can gather on our hips and turn our stomachs into verandahs for our laps.
A big part of rolling up to the show is show food, generally served on a stick, and nearly always coated in crumbs and bathed in a hot tub of oil before its greasy goodness quickly spreads over one’s lips.
Five generations of Jade Evans’ family have been front and centre serving such show treats.
“We’ve been coming to the Easter Show since back in the tent show days,” Jade says.
“My family brought out the dagwood dogs to Australia from over in America, and now — we have a world first!”
“What?” I exclaimed, already preparing to feel the ghostly trickle of saturated fat cross my mouth.
Jade prepares to deliver the knock-out punch, “2ft dagwood dogs.”
Once I recovered my composure, Jade elucidated on the 0.6m-long snack.
“You can take it from the side, the top, however you want, but it’s definitely going to be a feat for the hungry,” she says.
“You’re not so much eating this, but orienteering across it,” I note, holding it in my hand and feeling its weight strain against the anchor of the stick.
A spa of tomato sauce completes the dog’s dressing.
“Thanks, Jade,” I mumble through the deliciousness of processed meat and bread filling, blanketed in dead horse.
Another servant of the Sydney show food is Big Tony Sabia, who created the hugely successful and supremely weight-gaining lasagne on a stick.
“I love the show,” says Tony.
“Why do you love it so?” I enquire.
“It’s once a year, and we get to create and make people coming to the show happy,” says Tony.
He prepares to serve me his 2022 creations: deep-fried garlic bread on a stick, and mac and cheese hotdogs.
“I can’t give you the secret to making the dog,” Tony sternly advises.
“No, no, no, mate,” I quickly counter, “don’t worry about me; I can burn water.”
“So we get the pasta for the mac and cheese, make it, form it, and then we have special techniques to hold it all together,” he says.
I opt to sample the deep-fried garlic bread. That familiar sensation again creeps over my mouth.
The Sydney Royal Easter Show starts next Friday. I’m on a diet preparing for it.