A psychologist-in-training has identified three subconscious behaviors that can diminish your attractiveness instantly.
Lexie, who is training to become a psychologist, took to TikTok to demonstrate that there are subtle actions you might not even be aware of that can make you less appealing to others.
The first behavior is being excessively agreeable. Lexie describes this as the “likability competence trade-off” in social psychology.
She explains that while people who consistently agree with others and avoid showing preferences may be liked initially, over time, they are perceived as less likable and attractive.
Lexie adds that displaying assertiveness, without crossing into arrogance, often conveys self-respect and independence—qualities that are very attractive.
The second point she raises is about maintaining the right amount of eye contact—neither avoiding it nor forcing it excessively.
‘Studies show that non-verbal intimacy shows that balanced eye contact increases perceived warmth and competence,’ she explained.
‘Too little eye contact often comes off as insecurity or disinterest, while too much often feels intense or threatening,’ she added.
Psychologist-in-training Lexie shared a video to TikTok, explaining that while you may not recognize it, there are subtle things that can make you appear less desirable to others (stock image)
Number three is using constant self-deprecating humor.
‘Self-humor can make you come off more trustworthy and relatable, but research shows that repeated self-deprecation lowers perceived status and attractiveness over time,’ she noted.
Lexie added that people subconsciously ‘associate this type of humor with low self-esteem or low self-image, and start to believe the jokes that you say about yourself as true.’
Helpfully, the content creator also shared what exactly factors into your attraction to someone.
According to the psychology major, you are often drawn to people that feel emotionally familiar to you.
She listed parents or an ex as an example of this.
‘Research on attachment theory shows that people tend to feel stronger attraction towards partners who activate patterns that they learned earlier in life,’ she explained.
‘If you had a father who is very narcissistic, you might now seek out narcissistic boyfriends,’ she listed.
Join the debate
What subtle habits do you think secretly make someone irresistible or off-putting on a first date?
Helpfully, the content creator also shared what exactly factors into your attraction to someone (stock image)
She added: ‘If you had a mother who is emotionally absent, you might look for those same patterns in partners now.’
Lexie explained that your nervous system might mistake familiarity for chemistry, which is why people are likely to be attracted to somebody who makes them feel seen.
‘Studies on self-disclosure show that feeling understood by somebody who remembers small details about you, validates your emotions, and mirrors your experiences creates stronger attraction and status, looks and charm,’ she described.
Lexie also said people are more likely to like someone you don’t know likes you, as opposed to somebody you know likes you.
‘Intermittent reinforcement shows that inconsistent affection and attention – so hot and cold behavior – increases obsession and rumination,’ she explained.
‘Your brain releases more dopamine when rewards are unpredictable, which is why waiting for a text can feel very exciting or intoxicating, even though it’s stressful, and not actually a sign that you like them,’ she said.
‘You might just like the way the uncertainty feels,’ she said.
