Oh, for the luvva Pete. Come on, Alaska, we’re better than this.

On Saturday, the Bear Paw Parade marked its 40th anniversary, showcasing the charm and vibrancy that locals have grown to adore. The event featured everything from pageant princesses and football teams to floats tossing candy, with smiling children lining the route, capturing the youthful and joyful spirit of the annual celebration.

However, this year’s event included an unexpected element. “No circumcision” protesters disrupted the family-friendly ambiance with graphic signs and costumes stained with red, imitating blood. Their presence unsettled many attendees, resulting in calls to the local police.

Yeah, the nutbars were within their First Amendment rights. But what was their issue?  And why here, at the Bear Paw Festival, a family event?

The Bear Paw festival organizers had this to say:

What was meant to be a cheerful, family-oriented day filled with music, parades, and festivities was interrupted by a group of demonstrators promoting a particular message about circumcision. While the right to free speech is respected, the choice of time and place for such a message was inappropriate.

Our team quickly contacted the Anchorage Police Department’s non-emergency line. Officers responded promptly and professionally. Because of the public nature of our event, removal was not possible, but the situation remained peaceful and was monitored closely. No injuries occurred, and the festivities continued as planned.

To call this “inappropriate” is a massive understatement. These nuts should be ashamed of themselves. You know, there’s a time and place for everything, and the Bear Paw Parade ain’t the place for this. We didn’t attend, but my wife is fairly certain that the crowd was yelling “Go back to California” at the kooks.

Alaska Man score: I award these kooks no moose nuggets, and may God have mercy on their souls.

Meanwhile, down on the Kenai Peninsula, something else weird was happening:

Alaska State Troopers reported a chaotic scene Friday evening near Mile 46 when multiple 911 calls came in about an adult male running into traffic, striking vehicles, and undressing himself in a roadside pullout. Responding troopers from Seward and Soldotna eventually located the individual in a nearby vehicle.

The man, identified as 29-year-old Aucha Johnson of Anchorage, was arrested on three counts of first-degree indecent exposure, as well as charges of fourth-degree assault and disorderly conduct. He was transported to Wildwood Pretrial Facility in Kenai, where he was held without bail pending arraignment.

Unlike the thousands peacefully casting nets for wild salmon, Johnson’s became another wild roadside attraction in Cooper Landing.

Alaska Man score: As above. No points for you, not even for the slight amusement factor.

Summer, even in Alaska, sure seems to bring out the kooks.

And now, a word from your local PBS aficionado (just kidding.) Check it out:

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