DEAR ABBY: I am thrilled to be a grandmother at 38, with my first and possibly only grandchild. She’s absolutely perfect. However, my daughter, “Robin,” is experiencing stress. She’s by herself with the baby all day, every day, while her partner is at work, and only gets to rest when he is home. I empathize with her. I raised her and her sibling, just 12 months apart, all by myself. Unfortunately, I don’t get to visit my grandchild often since I lack transportation and Robin doesn’t drive either.
I treasure each photo I receive, wanting to remember everything about my grandbaby. I’ve noticed a pattern in these pictures. It seems the baby might have a lazy eye. Comparing images from when she was born to now, at 10 months old, this concern has arisen.
Robin is in a delicate condition, facing stress and postpartum depression. Should I bring this up with her, or should I let a doctor identify it? I’m aware that the sooner it’s addressed, the better. Right now, whatever I say seems to be wrong in her eyes. Apparently, I’m criticized for not understanding what it’s like to raise a child! — WATCHFUL GRANDMA IN MISSOURI
DEAR GRANDMA: If your daughter is suffering from postpartum depression, it is very important that she be treated by her doctor for it. You should be telling her that. I cannot stress this too strongly. Your granddaughter should be having regular examinations by her pediatrician because if there is something wrong with her eye, her pediatrician should catch it and recommend treatment.
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DEAR ABBY: My father divorced my mother when I was 7. He was never around much prior to their divorce. They married young, and I have three siblings. My parents “had” to get married (those were the times), so it wasn’t a happy union. Dad was self-absorbed and immature. He moved out of state, never supported us, and sat on the sidelines, watching us flounder.
My mother worked three jobs during my whole childhood. She was the best parent you could imagine, but it was a real struggle for all of us. In a way, we were blessed that he left. Two of my siblings maintained a relationship with this man, who later in life remarried and had two more children. I have never understood how they could forgive him, but they must have.
My father is 86 now. Years ago, he moved back to where we grew up. He is dying and has two to six months to live. It is a strange feeling, and I have sympathy for what my siblings have been going through. How do I support them?
I haven’t spoken to my father in 40 years, and we never speak of him to each other. I can never forgive him for what he did to me and my mother. Of course, I will know when he passes. I want to be sincere and support my siblings. — EMPATHETIC IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR EMPATHETIC: No one can predict how the death of a parent will affect them, and that includes you. Don’t be surprised if it comes as a jolt. You do not have to mourn your father’s death in order to be sensitive to your siblings’ feelings. Often, it’s helpful just to be a good listener and help with whatever details need to be attended to if asked.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
