DEAR ABBY: After becoming sick a few months back, I spent 10 days in the hospital and then moved to a rehab center. My husband worked at the facility where I was a patient. Two weeks into my rehab, he announced that he would not be there when I got home and that he was filing for divorce. He didn’t provide a clear reason. Our 30-plus-year marriage had its struggles. During counseling sessions, he was uncooperative and even lied.
I discovered he had been having an affair (his third) with a woman visiting the facility. He has since moved in with her, and the divorce is ongoing. In my 70s, I aimed to be the wife he desired. I am shattered and struggling to move on. He was the love of my life, but this betrayal has left me devastated. He won’t admit to the affair. I often ponder if he deceives her as he did me. In the past, he showed interest in other women. I suspect he carries unresolved emotional issues into this new relationship. How can I let go and move forward? — STUNNED IN SOUTH DAKOTA
DEAR STUNNED: If you’re questioning whether your soon-to-be-ex-husband is deceiving the woman he is with now, assume that he is. Liars lie when it suits them. He will likely cheat on her too, just as he did with you. Life has given you the chance to move on, and you should embrace it. Talk to your attorney about your rights after being married for over 30 years in South Dakota.
DEAR ABBY: I’m the mother of two teenage sons. My younger son “Richie,” is 17 and a great kid. He has a 3.8 grade-point average in high school, studies hard and is never out “roaming.” He has scholarships waiting for the taking. When I come home late at night, he’s already asleep.
What bothers me is that I know nothing about his life. Richie mentioned that he’s going to his junior prom, and I have no idea who the girl is he is taking. I don’t know his friends, although I do know many of the moms of the friends he’s acquainted with. As a single parent, I work several jobs. I’m exhausted and basically have no life. I don’t want my son to feel I would judge him if he gave me more information about what he does with the little free time he has, but I feel left out.
I remember when I was 17 and didn’t want my parents to know my business, so I’m reluctant to ask him a bunch of questions. I have never searched his room because I respect his privacy. I always promised my kids that they would have their privacy and freedom as long as their grades were great, and they have given me no reason to question their lifestyles. What should I do? — LEFT-OUT MOM
DEAR MOM: You and your son are living on different schedules. From what you have written, I don’t have the impression that he is being secretive. Find a time when you are both awake and start having some short conversations with him, so it won’t seem like he is being grilled. Because of your work schedule, you have become like ships passing in the night, but there is still time to change course.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
