DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for three years, and most of our time together has been wonderful. Six months ago, we received incredible news: We are expecting a baby! It was truly a miracle after our struggles to conceive, and I had almost lost hope.
The issue I’m facing is that when my husband and I started dating, he and my brother quickly became close friends. Initially, I was delighted that the man I love bonded so well with my family. However, since we found out about the pregnancy, their friendship has become almost inseparable. They constantly text, and nearly every weekend they head out for hunting trips or to the casinos.
My husband tells me he’s just trying to enjoy some fun before the baby arrives. Is it unreasonable for me to think he should be spending more time with me, the pregnant mother of his future child? He is both a wonderful provider and a loving husband when he is around, but I can’t shake the feeling of being neglected.
One evening, we were sitting on the couch watching TV and I happened to get a glimpse of his phone. I noticed he was texting my brother (as usual), but then I saw the text from my brother: “Goodnight babe,” with a heart emoji! I didn’t mean to snoop, but I was shocked and couldn’t unsee this. I immediately asked what was going on, and he very defensively told me it was an inside joke and that I shouldn’t be reading his texts over his shoulder.
I feel crazy for even thinking what I’m thinking, but could something be going on between my brother and my husband? I don’t even know how to begin to confront this issue, and I’m afraid if I ask my husband point-blank, he will lie to my face. I feel lost and betrayed. Please help. — CRESTFALLEN IN COLORADO
DEAR CRESTFALLEN: As thrilled as you are about this pregnancy, your husband may be less so. In fact, he may regard the approaching arrival of his child as a door closing on having a life. There are straight men (“men’s men”) who prefer the company of men over that of women. Because you are afraid to confront your husband about what you saw, have an in-person talk with your brother and ask him why he sent a heart emoji to your husband.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for eight years. He lost his mom 22 years ago. Ever since her cremation, he has kept her ashes in the living room. It scares me because I believe in ghosts. I know it’s hard to let go of our dear ones. (I lost my own mom a few years ago, so I know the feeling.) How can I convince him to take the ashes out of the house or put them in the ground without hurting him emotionally? — SPOOKED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR SPOOKED: Honey, if your late mother-in-law is coming back to haunt you, she will do it regardless of where her ashes are located. Yes, your husband is having trouble letting go of the remnants of his mother, but he’s hurting no one. She may “visit” you sooner if you push her out from under your roof.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
