DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with my partner, “Gil,” for five years. He re-entered my life shortly after my husband’s passing. Years ago, we had been colleagues, and there always seemed to be a mutual attraction, though I remained devoted to my late husband and never pursued anything with Gil.
After the funeral, Gil made a strong reappearance in my life, and we formed a close friendship that soon blossomed into something deeper. My feelings for him have grown significantly over time, and I am eager to support him as he confronts some health challenges, being older. The main issue I face now involves Gil’s youngest daughter, “Nicole,” with whom he shares a tight bond. Initially, I hoped to have a friendly relationship with her and even planned vacations and activities to encourage our connection.
However, as time has passed, my feelings toward Nicole have soured. I’ve come to greatly dislike her because she seems to exploit her father’s kindness. She exhibits arrogance and a lack of manners, behaving as if she is superior to others despite being largely reliant on Gil’s generosity. I’m reluctant to confront her behavior because doing so might cast me as the “villain.” She has already tried to paint me in this light.
Nicole is in her late 20s with kids of her own. I’m younger than Gil, and I know she sees me as a threat. I know there is some jealousy there, but I’m concerned for his well-being. His health isn’t great, and Nicole is never around for doctor appointments, etc. I want to be gracious because she can do no wrong in his eyes. Your input would be greatly appreciated. — CARING ABOUT HIM
DEAR CARING: Continue to be gracious to Nicole. As I see it, you have little choice. Because she can do no wrong in her daddy’s eyes, if you try to point out otherwise, it won’t endear you to either of them. What you must decide is which is more important to you — calling out Nicole’s glaring flaws or a relationship with her father.
DEAR ABBY: As a young mother, I endured a difficult marriage filled with domestic abuse. In the midst of that turmoil, I struggled to be the parent my children needed. They are adults now, and I find myself distanced from them. It pains me deeply to know they want nothing to do with me. I can’t help but feel I ruined their lives, and the weight of that thought is unbearable.
I miss them dearly and long for the chance to reconnect and heal our relationship. I’m at a crossroads and unsure of how to move forward and mend the bonds that have been strained. I deeply regret my past mistakes and want to make things right, but I’m uncertain where to start. Thank you for your guidance. — LOST AND OVERWHELMED IN CANADA
DEAR LOST: I know of no perfect parents. Everyone makes mistakes. I wish you had mentioned why you think you “ruined your children’s lives.” Were you physically or emotionally abusive? Did you abandon them? If that’s what happened, reach out. Apologize and offer to join them in family counseling if they are willing. It might be a healthy first step toward reconciliation.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
