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A woman has sparked a fierce debate online after branding an acquaintance ‘stupid’ for staying in a relationship with a man she was warned is abusive.
The anonymous poster, thought to be UK-based, took to parenting forum Mumsnet to share her story, and ask for other people’s opinions on the situation, in a post titled ‘[Am I Being Unreasonable] to think this woman is stupid?’.
She wrote: ‘A few weeks ago I contacted a woman to inform her about her new boyfriends history, they had been together about two weeks at this point so by no means a serious established relationship. He has convictions for domestic abuse, 4 of his children were removed from their mother because of violence toward her from him – one incident saw the then baby caught in the cross fire and hit when he hit the mother.
‘That woman aside, he has beaten every woman he has ever been in a relationship with. He threw another ex down the stairs in front of her children, and headbutted another woman whilst she was holding her child. He served time in prison.’
A woman (not pictured) has been accused of victim-blaming, after she branded an acquaintance (not pictured) stupid for staying in a relationship with a man she was warned is abusive
An anonymous UK-based poster took to parenting forum Mumsnet to ask fellow social media users for their take on her situation
She continued: ‘I sent her screenshots of articles printed in the newspaper and told her about all of the other information I knew. I urged her to do a claires law check if she had any doubts about anything I was telling her, as everything would be on there.
‘She was receptive and thanked me for letting her know, said she was gobsmacked but wouldn’t stand for any of that. She’s a professional woman and has had dealings with domestic abuse in her work life.
‘Fast forward to now and they’re all over social media loved up and going on weekend breaks.
‘AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to think she’s stupid?
‘I know only too well how hard it is to break away from an abusive relationship when you’ve been together for a long time, but if I knew any of this when I met my abuser (different man) I would have been running for the hills.’
Several Mumsnetters agreed with the poster that the woman was ‘stupid’ for staying with a man she’d been told was abusive
The post received mixed responses, with some Mumsnetters agreeing with the poster that the woman was ‘stupid’ for getting into a relationship with the man, despite being warned of his past behaviour.
One wrote: ‘Of course she’s stupid. That’s not victim blaming, she isn’t a victim yet. If she knowingly goes into a situation she knows could be volatile then that’s plain stupidity. It’s time we remembered that we’re all accountable and responsible for ourselves.’
A second Mumsnetter agreed, writing: ‘Yes, she’s stupid. People will tell you it’s victim blaming and love bombing and manipulation tactics, but she was 2 weeks in and faced with irrefutable evidence. I hope to god she doesn’t have children.’
And a third wrote: ‘If you know his violent behaviour then that’s your duty to tell that woman, and if she ignores it then she is stupid, especially 2 weeks in.’
A significant number of Mumsnetters agreed with the poster that warning the woman about the man’s violent past was a good thing to do
While a significant number of posters chose not to comment on the accusation that the woman is ‘stupid’, they did agree that the poster was in the right for passing on the information to the woman – irrespective of what she chooses to do with it.
One of the commentators said: ‘Just wanted to say well done OP in warning her. It would have been so much easier to turn a blind eye but you have potentially saved her life. Although she has ignored your messages now she may end things when she starts seeing early signs for herself.’
A further Mumsnetter agreed, writing: ‘You have done the right thing OP. You spoke up, she knows, now it’s up to her. He may have spun her a (plausible) story about why these stories are in the paper about him. She has been warned and she will remember your warning and notice earlier when things start to go wrong.’
And a third said: ‘You were right to warn her but that’s all you can do really.’
For a number of respondents, calling the woman ‘stupid’ was problematic, with some describing it as victim-blaming
However, a number of respondents blasted the woman for calling her ex’s new partner ‘stupid’, accusing her of victim blaming.
One wrote: ‘Calling her ‘stupid’ is victim-blaming. She is probably being love-bombed and manipulated by her abuser, and he will be presenting you as some ‘crazy’ figure from his past.’
Another added: ‘I’d say she’s a future victim and who’s apparently vulnerable to his manipulation.
‘Not sure how calling her stupid on Mumsnet is in any way helpful.’
And a third wrote: ‘He is evidently able to pick a type of personality which enables his behaviour.’
