On the surface, Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle have a lot in common.

Unlike more traditional royal brides, such as Princess Diana, they didn’t come from the typical aristocratic sets that had been close to the Royal Family for generations.

Instead they both came from aspirational upper-middle class families, who sent them to private schools to give them a leg-up in life. 

The major difference made them both complete outsiders to the closed-off and at times 18th-century world that members of The Firm exist within. 

Marrying into perhaps the most famous family in the world no doubt came as a shock to both of them. 

But former members of Palace staff have since given their account of their vastly different approaches to life in the Royal Family, with one telling royal author Tom Quinn: ‘Kate is Meghan Markle without the messianic complex.’

Other accounts from the couple’s former staffers include that Meghan was focused on how she could become the best-known and most loved member of the Royal Family, according to Quinn’s book Yes, Ma’am: The Secret Life Of Royal Servants.

Another courtier claimed that Meghan said: ‘What Diana started, I want to finish’, but they added that although she wanted to follow in her charitable footsteps to some extent, it was on a part-time basis. 

Kate and Meghan, pictured standing on the balcony of Buckingham Palace during Trooping The Colour in 2018, had totally different approaches to royal life, according to staff

One courtier claimed that Meghan said: ‘What Diana started, I want to finish’

The latest revelations have come from Tom Quinn’s new book Yes, Ma’am: The Secret Life Of Royal Servants (published by Biteback in March, £20)

However, her lack of knowledge did not stop her from confidently taking charge, according to the new book.

Some of Meghan’s former staff told Mr Quinn of the awkwardness and hilarity of those early meetings at Kensington Palace.

One said: ‘It was extraordinary because she was so confident that you could see she wanted to run the meeting rather than learn about the Royal Family through the meeting.

‘She was a great believer in grabbing the bull by the horns – except the Royal Family is not really a bull.’

Another added: ‘Meghan thought she knew better than an institution that has been in business for 1,000 years and more.’

In retrospect, these accounts help make sense of why Meghan found royal life so difficult – she was never comfortable playing second fiddle. 

But what did Kate do differently that made her royal career such a success?

Years prior, she had also found the transition from middle-class girl to princess tricky.

However, Palace staff noted to Mr Quinn that she took a far more careful approach than her older and more experienced American counterpart.

Staff described Kate as ‘someone who slowly and carefully absorbs the atmosphere of a place, the relationship between people and the rules’.

Meghan at the US Open women’s singles tennis final between Serena Williams and Bianca Andreescu in 2019

The Royal Family employs an army of staff who often pick up on secrets while they are working (stock photo)

The claims of Meghan and Kate’s behaviour have been made by former Palace staff in the book Yes, Ma’am: The Secret Life Of Royal Servants. Picture: Stock photo of staff member not related to the book

She was definitely not someone who ‘jumps in straight away and tries to change everything to suit her way of thinking’.

Instead, she decided to bide her time and watch how others behaved first.

But perhaps the most important difference between the two women’s approach to royal life was that Kate was prepared to be coached – not just by William, who wanted Kate to avoid the problems his mother had encountered, but also by the staff.

In the early days, the worldly Camilla took her under her wing and Kate, of course, had the sensible and practical support of her family, especially her mother, Carole.

Kate’s introduction to full-time royal life was gradual, cautious even, and to start with she was mostly a support act for Prince William.

And despite the late Queen handing Meghan some of her trusted hands, Sophie, Duchess of Edinburgh, and Lady Susan Hussey to help Meghan learn the ropes, she reportedly turned them away.

However, the attitude of Meghan-knows-best seemed to upset the current staff at Kensington Palace.

A former member of staff said the old guard really didn’t like it when someone from the United States tries to change things as they are ‘terrific snobs’.

The transition from Hollywood showbiz to the private and countryside-based life of the Royal Family was difficult for Meghan to manage. 

Before her marriage to Harry she was a minor actress, whose career had failed to develop beyond her role on the legal drama Suits. But after she joined The Firm, she was launched into a totally unfamiliar world.

Kate too had never grown up with security guards, a team of servants at their beck and call, nor a diary that was timetabled to minute detail.

Alongside the lifestyle change, both of them had to learn the hard way how to navigate the hundreds of rules and protocols that have dictated the lives of royals for generations. 

Meghan’s wedding to Prince Harry in May 2018 was the moment she officially became a member of The Firm

Kate and Meghan were similar as unlike traditional royal brides, such as Princess Diana, they didn’t come from the aristocratic sets that had been close to the Royal Family for generations

But although both women faced the same opposition from the upper-class Palace toffs due to their backgrounds, they dealt with them entirely differently.

A former Kensington Palace staffer told Mr Quinn that they both faced the same kind of ‘backbiting gossipy criticism’, but Kate dealt with it better.

Kate was always happy to accept advice both from the lower staff, with whom she got on very well, despite the initial snooty reaction. 

And Kate also knew when things wouldn’t be worth fighting with them over.

For instance, although she has a personal distaste for the blood sport of hunting the royals were so attached too, she realised some things cannot be changed.

A former Palace staffer told Mr Quinn for his 2023 book Gilded Youth: ‘She is not the sort to join the League Against Cruel Sports or campaign vigorously to stop people flying and thereby reduce global warming. 

‘Unlike her sister-in-law [Meghan], she has the sense to realise that campaigning on global warming is likely to result in huge criticism for the royals, who famously fly by private jet, by helicopter.’

The author would go on to argue that George, Charlotte and Louis will also learn, as their mother has learned, that the core values of the Royal Family are unchangeable.

Meghan on the other hand, seemed determined to change those values when she joined the Royal Family – but this ended in failure. 

She was a moderniser by nature, after all, and someone who wanted to get things done and change the status quo.

According to one of Elizabeth II’s former courtiers, the Palace began to worry when they became aware that Meghan had plans for her life as a working royal that were not compatible with the approved programme.

However, her desire to do her own thing would never allow her to outshine Princess Anne, Charles or the late Queen, according to the ex-aide.

Princess Kate, pictured at the announcement of her engagement to William in 2010, found the transition from middle-class girl to princess tricky, but listened to advice from Will and the staff

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle after announcing their engagement in the Sunken Garden in Kensington Palace on November 27, 2017

They added that they didn’t think Meghan understood that, when joining the Royal Family, ‘you don’t do as you please, you do as you’re told’, according to Mr Quinn’s book Servants.

But perhaps the biggest problem Meghan faced when she became a member of the Royal Family was knowing how to treat servants properly. 

Blood royals had grown up ordering staff around, and knew how to do it properly, but for Meghan, who wasn’t used to it, there were problems.

One former staffer told Mr Quinn that Meghan would alternate between being overfriendly and hugging staff, to irritated when they didn’t instantly respond.

Meghan reportedly felt that Harry was too deferential to both his family and to the staff.

Mr Quinn believes she didn’t like the fact that Harry tended to ask staff if they would mind tidying up or bringing something to him.

Meghan seemed used to a Hollywood service culture, where she got exactly what she wanted whenever she wanted.

Catherine apparently took a completely different approach to dealing with staff. 

According to royal biographer Robert Lacey, she and William treat their staff like ‘family’ and give them ‘parties and Christmas presents’. 

In his biography Battle Of Brothers, he said a royal correspondent told him: ‘I remember Christian Jones [William’s private secretary] explaining to me how the Cams [William and Kate] are paternalistic with their staff.   

‘They copy the Queen in that respect with all her Christmas parties and Christmas presents to her people. They’re proud to treat their staff like family. They recognise that they don’t get paid loads of money, so they are just really nice to them.’

Meanwhile, as Meghan’s time in the Royal Family wore on, rumours of her harsher behaviour towards staff began to appear in the Press more frequently. 

Buckingham Palace launched its own investigation in 2021 after bullying allegations were made public, but it refused to reveal the findings.

The Mail revealed that former staff had dubbed themselves the ‘Sussex Survivors Club’ and some were even suffering from the equivalent of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

While details of the report were never revealed, the allegations have always been strongly denied by the Duchess, whose lawyers described them at the time as a ‘calculated smear campaign’.

Meghan Markle at Wimbledon on July 4, 2016. She went on her first date with Prince Harry that week

Former Buckingham Palace staff spoke to Tom Quinn about life behind the gates on the condition of anonymity

Kate and Meghan attend Christmas Day church service in Sandringham in 2018

In Harry’s bombshell memoir Spare in 2023, he directly addressed the claims, writing: ‘Meg was apparently a bully – that was the latest vicious campaign they’d [his father and brother’s office] helped orchestrate.

‘It was so shocking, so egregious, that even after Meg and I demolished their lie with a 25-page, evidence-filled report to human resources, I was going to have trouble simply shrugging that one off.’

But there are accounts that Meghan seemed disappointed with how Harry was not treated with the same importance as William by the staff.

Mr Quinn has claimed that during her time in the Firm, Meghan rowed with Kensington Palace staff over ‘getting the sort of attention she deserved’.

Speaking to the Daily Star Online in July 2020, Mr Quinn said Meghan argued with Kate’s staff after they turned down her royal requests, revealing: ‘It was almost as if in that one encounter, it encapsulated for Meghan the problem that she had, that she’s a princess and she’s number two.’

Mr Quinn, who also wrote Kensington Palace: An Intimate Memoir From Queen Mary To Meghan Markle, claimed the incident took place while Harry and Meghan were living at Nottingham Cottage at Kensington Palace.

The royal author said he had spoken to ‘someone who was there’ and was left ‘really uncomfortable’ after Meghan rowed with a member of Kate’s staff.

He said the Duchess had asked the staff member to do something, but they told her: ‘I’m really sorry I can’t do that because I work for Kate.’

Mr Quinn claimed Meghan ‘really felt she had been put in her place’ and said that, as a ‘princess’, she had ‘assumed that when you ask staff to do something, they are going to do it’.

Mr Quinn claimed Meghan went on to row with the member of staff, leaving Kate ‘horrified’.

He said the Duchess had been so upset by the staff member’s behaviour because she feels conscious about being treated with the same respect as Kate.

He added: ‘She’s very sensitive about not being treated with the same respect that she feels Kate is, so can react badly and doesn’t take it lying down.’

The royal author went on to say that the environment where ‘people behave towards you’ on the status of who will be the monarch next was ‘alien’ to Meghan.

So despite Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle coming from similar background, it seems their approach to royal life were totally different. 

One took her time to learn the ropes but eventually flourished, while the other rushed in overconfident and paid the price.