Meghan Markle calls them ‘learns’. The rest of us see them for what they are: failures.

Indeed, this week concludes a notably unfavorable period for our duchess, who has been energetically spinning her setbacks as victories, her new embarrassments as successes, and her logistical issues as intentional business strategies.

In the midst of an abundance of tantalizing details: As royal journalist Kinsey Schofield exclusively disclosed on my podcast, The Nerve with Maureen Callahan, Meghan reportedly reached out to none other than Dolly Parton to feature on her Netflix series, ‘With Love, Meghan’ — only to be promptly turned down.

Dolly, that absolute legend, joins Taylor Swift and Beyoncé in reportedly turning down Meghan’s entreaties to join her in any given enterprise.

As Kinsey told me, Dolly’s team were ‘livid… they don’t want to risk Dolly’s epic popularity by associating with Meghan Markle.’

When your top recruit is Chrissy Teigen — who will appear in the second season of ‘With Love’ and is infamous, among other things, for harassing a young actress to the brink of considering suicide — it indicates your brand is faltering.

Meanwhile, the final episode of Meghan’s new podcast dropped Tuesday, to zero buzz or fanfare.

Lemonada, the company producing said podcast, has yet to announce a renewal — and normally, they’re announced well ahead of a season ending. 

This week caps a particularly inglorious run for our duchess Meghan Markle, who has been furiously recasting her losses as wins, her fresh humiliations as triumphs, and her supply chain shortages as strategic business moves.

Meghan reportedly approached none other than Dolly Parton to appear on her Netflix show and was summarily dismissed. Dolly, that absolute legend, joins Taylor Swift and Beyoncé in allegedly turning down Meghan’s entreaties to join her in any given enterprise.

Also: Most podcasts, for what it’s worth, don’t have ‘seasons’. They just keep going.

Apparently, Meghan’s buzz-less ‘Confessions of a Female Founder’ — which follows ‘Archetypes’, Meghan’s last flop in this lane — needed an entire year to produce just eight episodes.

By all metrics, that’s terrible output.

But here Meghan goes, over to Fast Company magazine, to give an interview that sounds, frankly, delusional.

For example: When asked about her plans for As Ever, Meghan offered gobbledygook.

‘I want to really focus on the hospitality angle,’ she said, ‘but as we take the learnings’ – the learnings! – ‘we can understand what the customer’s needs are seasonally.’

Huh?

New As Ever merch, she told the outlet, will likely be available in early 2026.

Basically, another year.

She has shown us over and over: Work isn’t really her jam. (See what I did there?)

Seriously, what kind of entrepreneur fails to capitalize on momentum? What founder — and she loves to call herself a founder — launches a brand without knowing its identity and communicating that clearly and easily?

Not our duchess, that’s for sure.

‘We are on calls daily,’ she said, ‘working through product development, SKUs, and inventory.’

That’s peak Meghan: Trying to sound impressive by using corporate jargon. 

But to her larger point, she seems to be admitting that she and her team hadn’t done enough to ensure a well-stocked supply chain?

To establish a brand that her consumers can trust.

Who, at this point, would put money into any given Markle venture?

Netflix seems to be among the only companies still willing.

Perhaps they feel any publicity is good publicity, but it’s hard not to see the toxic brew emanating from Camp Montecito as anything but an ever growing problem.

As we also recently learned, Meghan allegedly talked herself right out of the September 2022 cover of British Vogue — helmed, at the time, by black editor-in-chief Edward Enninful, so no claims of racism can be lobbed there — after making insane demands.

Meghan, a source claims, insisted she had ‘control over [the] photographer, writer, final edit, photos, cover lines, and wanted a global issue’ – to be featured on the covers of both the British and US editions.

A global issue!

We see, again, the late Queen Elizabeth’s infinite wisdom in preventing Meghan and Harry from using their ‘HRH’ titles for commercial gain.

Meghan reportedly asked for a personal Zoom call with Anna Wintour to pitch her on the idea.

‘Anna wasn’t interested,’ the source claimed, but did take the Zoom ‘to be polite’. 

Brutal. 

To cap it all off, eagle-eyed critics pointed out this week that the veggies in Meghan’s latest ‘aseverofficial’ Instagram post — another epic blunder, as those words together can also read ‘a sever’, as in severing family ties — seemed far too clean and too out-of-season to have come from her garden, as she claimed.

Not that she’ll fess up if so, because — like a coward — her Instagram comments have been turned off.

Will any of it stop her? Of course not!

Apparently, Meghan’s buzz-less ‘Confessions of a Female Founder’ – which follows ‘Archetypes’, Meghan’s last flop in this lane – took an entire year to produce just eight episodes. (Pictured: Meghan getting emotional on The Jamie Kern Lima podcast). 

On Friday, Meghan announced a bonus episode of her podcast with a special celebrity matriarch. And she made it clear that this momager called her — not the other way around.

This special guest? Beyoncé’s mom, Tina Knowles.

I mean, if you can’t get Beyoncé — well, her mother is the next best thing, right?

In the teaser clip for this very special episode, this meeting of the minds, we hear Tina reveal her best advice to her daughters (never forget Solange, who beat Jay-Z in that elevator footage after the 2014 Met Gala).

‘I tell them every day,’ Tina intones, ‘since they were little girls: You belong anywhere you choose to be.’

Subtle, Meghan. Subtle. As ever.