A UK psychotherapist has revealed ten key ways to spot a narcissist, in a viral TikTok that has been viewed more than 2.7million times. 

Alishia Portas, who goes under the name ali-psychotherapist, said she shared the list to help those who feel someone close to them is subjecting them to ‘narcissistic abuse’.

The post, which went live in April, has amassed more than 126,000 likes and 3,340 comments from other users, debating the advice. 

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), to the use medical term, is a mental health condition characterised buy ‘a pervasive pattern of grandiosity’, according to official sources.

They also have ‘a constant need for admiration’ and display ‘a lack of empathy’, according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM. 

It is estimated that up to one in 20 people in the UK may suffer from the disorder to some degree, according to research—and some experts claim it underdiagnosed. 

Specialists also warn that narcissists can be abusive—as their behavior can manifest in various forms of emotional, psychological, and even physical abuse. 

Portas, who is co-founder of Phoenix Counselling Services in Scunthorpe, North Lincolnshire, warns the first sign is when someone habitually repositions events to cast themselves as the one who’s been wronged.

A UK psychotherapist has revealed ten key ways to spot a narcissist, in a viral TikTok that has been viewed more than 2.7million times

‘They always change the narrative so they appear as the victim,’ she writes in a series of on-screen captions.

According to a recent article on PsychCentral.com, narcissists do this ‘if they believe they gain something from making you feel guilty… their tendency to use manipulation tactics is one of the formal symptoms of narcissistic personality’.

This, it continues, may be fuelled by symptoms of NPD, including a ‘sense of entitlement [and] need for control’.

Portas goes on to list the second a third signs: ‘They always need excessive validation, praise, compliments and attention—[and] they get incredibly jealous when you try to have a life, see friends, go out with family or engage in hobbies.’

And fourth on the list: ‘They’re always doubting you, making you feel worthless or criticising you.’ 

According to clinical psychologist Seth Meyers, writing on Psychology Today, these are also common traits of NPD, which is rooted in childhood trauma.  

He explains: ‘Most, if not all, severe narcissists were likely emotionally injured at a crucial time in their development.

‘Because the narcissist’s emotional scar involved them being unnoticed, humiliated, or subjugated [they have an] intense and often negative reaction when the other person feels really good, succeeds, or shines.

Joan Crawford, played by Faye Dunaway in Mommie Dearest, is often said to be an example of a narcissist, due to the movie legend’s abusive behavior towards adopted daughter, Christina

Other examples include Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada, pictured, Amy Dunne in Gone Girl, and Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction.

‘Someone else succeeding—especially someone close to them—is actually upsetting or even unconsciously painful. 

‘This is because they see their success as a missed opportunity for themselves to get a little love or attention.’

Fifth on Portas’ list: ‘It’s their way or the highway—there is no room for compromise.’

This, again, is a ‘hallmark’ trait of NPD, as Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne, University of Massachusetts, writes in the article ‘Why a Narcissist Will Never Back Down’, also on Psychology Today.

She claims that narcissists ‘show little (if any) empathy, become enraged if their desires are thwarted, and feel they are entitled to concessions made by the people around them’.

Portas, in her viral TikTok post goes on to list further warning signs. 

‘If you manage to go no contact, they will stalk you, spy on you or harrass you. This might be through social media, other people, or in person.

‘They will use triangulation—recruiting people close to you in the hop of getting them on their side.’

A 2016 study published in Personality and Individual Differences found that people high in narcissistic traits were more likely to engage in obsessive relational intrusion (including stalking) after being rejected.

And in his book Rethinking Narcissm, Dr. Craig Malkin, a Harvard Medical School psychologist, explains that narcissists see partners as extensions of themselves, making it hard to ‘let go’ in a healthy way. 

Eight to ten on Portas list summarise her final warnings. ‘They expect to be the most important thing in your life every second of every day. 

‘Be prepared to deal with rage/violence if you can’t answer their calls of texts instantly.

‘They will isolate you from everyone and everything until you no longer recognise yourself.

‘[And] they will love bomb you when their grip on you starts to loosen. 

‘You’ll think they’ve changed and try to see their good points, only to be disappointed again and again.’

According to psychology resource Talkspace, narcissistic rage is one of the most harmful components of the disorder. 

It is described as ‘as intense emotional reaction [that] typically arises when someone perceives a threat to their self-esteem, grandiose self-image, or sense of superiority.

‘Unlike typical anger, narcissistic rage is disproportionate to the situation and can manifest as extreme verbal or emotional outbursts, manipulation, or even acts of retaliation.’

By contrast, ‘love bombing’—overly affectionate behavior, and over-the-top displays of adoration and attention—may be pleasant, but it also equally manipulative. 

As Netherlands-based clinical psychologist Alexander Burgemeester explaions: ‘The aim of this is to make the recipient feel dependent on and obligated to the individual.’

Portas adds that ‘This doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships. It could be friends, family, colleagues too.

‘Narcissitic abuse is traumatising. If you feel you are experiencing this, please reach our to other for support.’

While there has been much speculation about celebrities and other public figures who may suffer NPD, few if any have ever gone public with a diagnosis. 

However several films feature characters whose behaviors and traits align with narcissism.

Examples include Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada, Amy Dunne in Gone Girl, and Alex Forrest in Fatal Attraction. 

Joan Crawford, played by Faye Dunaway in Mommie Dearest, is another shining example, showcasing the movie legend’s abusive behavior and manipulation towards her adopted daughter, Christina.