DEAR ABBY: I reside five hours away from my hometown. My mom, who is 98, lives in an assisted living facility there. Lately, my younger sister has started behaving cruelly toward our mom and is trying to exploit her.
Instead of supporting Mom, she does things that deliberately upset her and increase her stress. For instance, she placed dog waste on my recently deceased brother’s grave and took a gun from Mom’s home. My sister also threatened to take away Mom’s recliner while she was in it. Her behavior has caused significant problems at the assisted living facility, which distresses my mother, as she appreciates the care there.
My older brother and I are working with an attorney to obtain a no-trespass and no-contact order for Mom’s facility. This process is still ongoing. Meanwhile, my sister behaves entirely differently at her church, portraying herself as a victim to the congregation. What would you advise us to do in the future with this unruly, spiteful sibling? — ASHAMED SIS IN ONTARIO, CANADA
DEAR SIS: The term for what your sister has been doing is elder abuse. Stealing and threatening to do something that would cause great bodily harm qualifies. Continue working with the attorney on the no-contact order and let the process play out. Your mother’s doctors should be told what has been going on. What the worshippers in her church think about her should be of no consequence.
DEAR ABBY: I’m 55 and have been married for 15 years. I have two kids, ages 22 and 25. Both are on their own, living their own lives. My wife is 45. She has a 25-year-old son who has a four-year degree in computer science and claims he can’t find a job. He refuses to look for other employment to fill in until something opens up in computers. He stays up half the night getting high and playing games online, and sleeps until noon. He has a considerable amount in his savings and is able to play the stock market, so it’s not like he’s broke and can’t start living on his own.
My wife won’t let go because he’s her only child. She and I have no alone time, no romantic nights and no dinners without him included. He’s always here and involved in everything, and I’m tired of it. I have reached a point in my life where I want to enjoy my time with my wife alone.
We are shopping for a new house, but I’m ready to say we buy a house together alone, just the two of us, or I’m filing for divorce and buying a house by myself. I feel it’s way past time for him to be weaned from his mother and get his own life. Do you agree or am I being overly sensitive? — OVER IT IN ARIZONA
DEAR OVER IT: You are not being overly sensitive. Your wife appears to have a serious case of separation anxiety when it comes to her son, which is healthy for neither. I assume you have discussed this with her to no avail. If that’s not true, you should. If it IS true, then it’s time for marriage and family therapy with someone who is licensed. If your wife refuses to go, the alternative would be to schedule an appointment with an attorney who can help you “untie the knot.”
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
