Dear Jane,
My old baby monitor recently stopped working and I was forced to buy a new one – and splurged on a high-tech device.
Previously, I needed to lug around a heavy monitor to watch my daughter. Now, with this new camera, it connects directly to my phone, allowing me to monitor her wherever I am – and even speak to her.
But I’ve just seen something chilling in the footage – and it’s haunting me.
My daughter has an active imagination, often chatting with her dolls or imaginary friends. So, when I heard her speaking in her room one night last week, I thought little of it.
When it happened a second time, I stopped at the door to listen – and that’s when I heard a very low, almost gruff voice.
I chalked it up to it being my husband, who was away on a work trip and could also log into the monitor app and check on our daughter.
But when I called him and mentioned it, he had no idea what I was talking about.
In a panic, I reviewed the footage. And there it was: a clip of my daughter sitting up in bed staring directly at the camera, happily chatting to it.
A man answered – and it wasn’t my husband.
Chills ran down my spine. I felt so violated upon realizing a complete stranger had been spying on my daughter – on my entire family – for who knows how long.
I’ve been having nightmares about the gruff voice; it takes on a satanic tone and I wake in a sweat.
After some research, I learned that Wi-Fi enabled baby monitors are easily hacked if your home internet is not secure enough.
Although I have now reset my password and bolstered my Wi-Fi security, I still feel uneasy in my own home, just knowing someone could be watching our every move. I’m also concerned that my daughter may be traumatized by the incident.
On top of it all, I feel guilty that I brought the device into our home. Am I a terrible mother for exposing my child to this?
Sincerely,
Nursery Nightmare
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers’ most burning issues in her agony aunt column
Dear Nursery Nightmare,
It must be awful to feel that your daughter is unsafe in the security of your own home, especially knowing that you have inadvertently put her at risk.
But you are not at fault – nor are you alone.
Guilt is part and parcel of a mother’s burden.
We bring these perfect creatures into the world, then spend the rest of our lives feeling guilty that we weren’t present enough, yelled too much or somehow messed up.
Had you known the risks, you would not have bought this specific baby monitor, so please don’t beat yourself up.
You don’t mention any specific behavior that would have traumatized your daughter. It is likely been far more traumatic for you than her, because you know the risks and are imagining the worst-case scenario.
Chatting with a disembodied voice is not likely to traumatize her.
Your reaction, however, will tell her somehow is wrong, so I urge you to hide your panic.
Despite having splurged on your high-tech monitor, you should probably purchase one that does not connect to Wi-Fi. Luckily, there are several options available so you can ensure her safety – and that of your family – going forward.
Dear Jane,
My best friend has been dating a new guy for a few months and is totally smitten.
He’s a great person – very funny, kind and generous – but one thing has completely repulsed our friend group.
We all went out one weekend to a very crowded bar where we had to lean in close to each other’s faces just to talk.
When I struck up a conversation with my friend’s boyfriend, however, his rancid breath was the only thing I could focus on.
I thought maybe it was an unfortunate odor leftover from dinner and mixed with the beers he had consumed, but the next few times I saw him, I caught a whiff of his alarmingly foul dragon breath.
I was shocked. Could my friend not smell it, too? I had to assume not, because there she was, kissing him!
I thought I was the only one who noticed until one evening when our friend group got together for drinks without her. Everyone was in agreement: he smells.
Now, I’m unsure how to tell my friend that her man’s one fatal flaw is his bad breath – and that everyone is disgusted.
Should we break it to her so she can encourage some dental hygiene, or should we just grin and bear it?
Sincerely,
Making a stink
Dear Making a stink,
It’s clear that his breath does not bother your friend, so pointing out might only alienate you.
But foul-smelling breath, otherwise known as halitosis, can be an indicator of a health issue – tooth decay, poor hygiene, abscess, infection or something more serious.
It may be worth bringing up, not because of how you feel, but to gently say that you have noticed her boyfriend’s breath smells off wanted to make sure he is alright.
Just be sure you do not speak for your other friends, as it is never wise to invoke anyone else when passing on sensitive information.
Raising the issue because you have concern about his health is infinitely more palatable than mentioning it because you simply don’t like it and don’t understand how she can kiss him.
Remember, other people’s choices are not our business.
If she is happy, your role as a friend is to support her even though you would not put yourself in her shoes.
