Has your mate started expressing enthusiasm for a great new matcha place, insisted that he has joined a feminist book club or put on pensive music by certified ‘sad girl pop star’ Clairo when it’s his turn on the aux?
If so – he may sadly be on the path to being a ‘performative male’.
Women on social media have been sharing signs they believe suggest a man may be trying to inauthentically pander to the female gaze – or pretend to be into things that matter to them for romantic attention.
Among the ‘red flags’ are a penchant for wired earphones, slouchy jumpers and baggy jeans.
Elsewhere, wearing tote bags has been earmarked as one to watch out for.
Also embroiled in the discourse are a selection of beloved collectible toys which gentlemen are reportedly touting just for female attention as well.
Hundreds of TikTok videos show said ‘performers’ – oftentimes seated in idyllic coffeeshops – sipping on an iced beverage and reading a female empowerment classic (popular picks include Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar and Becoming Michelle Obama).
Many men have themselves joined in on the joke, dressing up in the stereotyped costume – often clad with trendy outfits, a beanie and floppy hair.
Many men have themselves joined in on the joke, dressing up in the stereotyped costume – often clad with trendy outfits, a beanie and floppy hair. One clip came from @zain_of_thought , who in the comments did insist: ‘I do actually read I promise’
One poster, @sgwoo_, shared a clip of himself flicking through a paperback as he strolls through the street – mullet, tattoos and a 70s style tee at the ready.
‘Performative final male boss,’ he wrote in the caption.
A similar clip came from @zain_of_thought, who in the comments did insist: ‘I do actually read I promise.’
In a third, @charliefriedrich_ quipped that he was ‘starting his performative male journey’ as he modelled some Y2K-style trousers. Another, @tim_jim51 posed up a storm with a series of stuffed animals.
There are key features, aside from the general aesthetic of woolly V-necks and loose-fitting denims popular with the Gen Z shoppers of today, that stand out.
First is a matcha latte, a popular coffee shop item characterised by its pastel green colouring. For extra points, men are ordering their iced.
Another is a Labubu – a seemingly unassuming collectible made by Chinese toy company Pop Mart that has been sending A-lister shoppers into a frenzy.
The trinkets, which originated in Hong Kong, are plush, furry little dolls that are described as ‘elvish creatures,’ with big teeth and elf-like ears.
Another, @tim_jim51 posed up a storm with a series of stuffed animals. So-called performative men are accessorising their ensembles with them, often clipping said figurines onto their belt loops
In another clip, @charliefriedrich_ quipped that he was ‘starting his performative male journey’ as he modelled some Y2K-style trousers
So-called performative men are accessorising their ensembles with them, often clipping said figurines onto their belt loops.
Third are tote bags – often ones which carry selections of books beloved by female readers.
Elsewhere the in-ear headphones must be connected to a device blasting music women will champion.
As well as Clairo – known for her melancholy lyricism – other popular picks are beabadoobee, Lana del Rey and Laufey.
In some iterations, memes have also suggested a digital camera as a must-have, along with a working knowledge of director Sofia Coppola’s filmography.
What all the ‘habits’ have in common is that they are typically styles and works loved largely by women audiences – meaning some see men co-opting them as ingenuine.
The trend has largely been seen in jest – and everywhere from Jakarta to Dublin has even seen ‘performative male contests’ pop up.
However, experts have shared that it’s likely the trend could signal new benchmarks for femininity and masculinity.
One poster, @sgwoo_ , shared a clip of himself flicking through a paperback as he strolls through the street – mullet, tattoos and a 70s style tee at the ready
Speaking to The Guardian, Dr Ashley Morgan, a masculinities expert at Cardiff Metropolitan University, said it marks a positive step towards dismantling the idea of a ‘typical man’ and making it more dynamic.
‘As traditional gender roles dissolve, men look for new scripts to inhabit, and performance offers a way to experiment with them publicly,’ she explained.
However, she also warned it can be interpreted as a sister symptom to the ‘trad wife’ movement – which has seen many women opting for ‘traditional’ values, insisting on swapping employment out for housework and dressing conservatively.
While this is ‘about restaging femininity in a hyper-stylised way – curating domesticity, submission, and nostalgia for imagined stability, the performative male is a ‘hyper-awareness of masculinity as something to craft and showcase’.
If experimented with inauthentically, she cautioned, it could be dismissed as a way to ‘win over’ women with ‘feminist theatrics’.
Elsewhere, dating expert Vicki Pavitt has told the Independent that the focus on literature in particular can even be highlighted as a dating trend.
‘Women can find it unsettling when they date men who mirror their tastes in a way that feels performative, be it matcha lattes, feminist books or niche accessories,’ she shared.
‘At the same time, if we’re too quick to dismiss these gestures as inauthentic, we might miss opportunities for intimacy for people we could be compatible with.’
