There’s an unspoken rule in The Walking Dead: If a new character is introduced that you like, he or she will soon be dead. This is part 1 of a two-part rule. The second part: If a new character is introduced that you don’t like, he or she will be around for a good long time.

There are other rules when it comes to AMC’s shambling zombie franchise. Here’s another: In episodes that feature zombies in any significant number, our seasoned veterans of the apocalypse will invariably face one that randomly surprises or overtakes them despite their years of experience. This will happen even if said zombie is very slow and far away. Sometimes it will occur after one of these rather noisy undead creatures sneaks up on our hero.

So in the season 3 premiere of Daryl Dixon, the writers make sure both these rules are followed to the letter. We meet a new character, Julian Chamberlain (no relation to Neville) played by the always fun Stephen Merchant, who is incredibly likable and charming and a bit eccentric and I knew the moment I found myself enjoying him that he’d be dead before the credits ran. (I’m sure you also knew this. We all knew this, more’s the pity).

Sure enough, after getting bonked over the head in a sailing accident, the sailboat crashes onto a Spanish beach and while Daryl and Carol have enough plot armor to survive a nuclear bomb (**waves at Fear The Walking Dead**) Julian does not. Julian is toast.

More to the point, Julian is a zombie. He’s standing on the beach and Carol approaches him, saying “Julian?” over and over again. At no point does this hardened survivor think to herself “Maybe he’s died and turned into a zombie and that’s why he’s not responding. I should probably be cautious as I approach.” No, Carol walks up, oblivious to all danger. Julian turns snarling and she’s so surprised that she panics. This woman, who earlier in the episode joined Daryl in dispatching a plethora of undead shamblers (or “squids” as Julian calls them, because The Walking Dead has turned into a zombie thesaurus) finds herself suddenly fighting for her life. She trips on the sand. Dead Julian topples over her, slavering jaws snapping. She can’t fight him off, poor Carol, so it’s lucky Daryl shows up and tackles old Julian off of her. (Nice to get a tackle in on the opening weekend of this NFL season).

There are other rules in The Walking Dead. (I’m suddenly hearing Negan say, “There are rules!”) One is that no matter how far and dangerous a journey, our heroes will make it come hell or high water. Daryl was able to get to France on a freighter. Carol made it across the proverbial pond in a tiny little plane. So it’s no surprise that they suggest to Julian that they take his sailboat across the Atlantic. Apparently he is all alone in London. Nobody else is alive in this massive city. They can’t sail, and he says he’s not much of a sailor, either, but honestly what’s a little inexperience when you have such thick plot armor? Taking a small sailboat across the Atlantic is a massively risky voyage, mind you, but at least it’s apparently easier to go East to West than West to East. Of course, actually making the voyage would require you leave during the proper season, when the wind is at your back.

Another rule (so many!): You can survive for years and years, well over a decade, surrounded by zombies and bandits, braving the elements and overcoming starvation and sickness, but if you meet our heroes your time is up. Nothing is more dangerous in this fictional universe than an original member of The Walking Dead. Julian, like so many before him, learns this the hard way.

It’s a missed opportunity. We just don’t get any new recurring characters in these spinoffs. They keep killing everyone off. So we’re stuck with old characters and no new dynamics. They killed off Isabelle last season basically to make room for Carol, and that was perhaps the worst thing about a pretty egregiously bad season. Same goes for every other spinoff involving OG characters.

Overall, this wasn’t a terrible episode, but having our heroes start in the UK and then end up in Spain in the first episode felt rushed and wasteful. I enjoyed the pair walking past the White Cliffs of Dover. London had some real potential for cool set-pieces and adventure. In the end, it was just a pit-stop on the way to Spain. Seems a bit pointless.

The actual time in Spain was interesting to a degree. Some zombies up in a tree nest. Other humans that steal their stuff. Carol had a bit of shrapnel in her that Daryl has to get out, and she’s super whiny about it. She even tells him, before he operates, “Can’t this wait until tomorrow?” which feels very amateurish to me. No, Carol, if this infects you overnight you could die and turn into a zombie. Have you not just spent the last fifteen years surviving this apocalypse? Oy vey.

From previews, it looks like Spain will be very much the Wild West. “That doesn’t spell Mexico,” Carol jokes at one point, but the previews make this season look a lot like Zorro to me. Like the French in their pre-WWII garb last season, all the Spaniards appear to wear clothing from another era entirely (see above image). I do not have high hopes, and this fine, somewhat drab and predictable season premiere does not fill me with confidence. It wasn’t the worst episode of this show, not by a long mile, but it wasn’t much to write home about, either.

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