MADLELEY: Marathon of BBC babble... like Eurovision without sequins

The anticipation had been building, and now came the pivotal day. With local councils still restricting oil lamp use and overtime, we found ourselves once more glued to our television screens for the second Scottish election in a row, awaiting a day packed with excitement and drama, all unfolding before the evening hours.

BBC One Scotland seemed eager to kick things off. Unlike last time when coverage began around midday as the initial results trickled in, this year they decided to bypass the overnight wait entirely. The panel of presenters, refreshed and ready, started their lively discussions shortly after breakfast.

“It has begun!” announced anchorman Martin Geissler, as the opening credits rolled with an intriguing visual of an alien-like pyramid gliding over scenes of Scotland before morphing into a vibrant ’26’ logo.

To emphasize the day’s significance, Geissler introduced a robust collection of visual aids and screens providing updates from every vote count across the nation. At the Glasgow headquarters, a team of analysts, pollsters, and politicians stood by, poised to dissect the numbers and glean insights from insider contacts.

With their main competitors at STV hindered by a strike, the BBC seized the opportunity, filling their studios in Glasgow and at Holyrood with a variety of experts ready to share their analysis.

With their main rivals at STV on strike, the Beeb had a clear run at the experts and splurged couchfuls of them across studios in Glasgow and at Holyrood.

Geissler was even joined by STV’s former political editor Bernard Ponsonby who was happy to warm his seat on the main discussion panel while his ex-colleagues froze theirs off beside a picket line brazier.

Now all they needed were some results to discuss. With none due for the foreseeable, they chucked about some heavyweight flannel. ‘It’s all going to become clear in the next six hours – stick with us please,’ begged Geissler. 

Martin Geissler anchored the BBC’s coverage of the Holyrood elections

The STV’s former political editor Bernard Ponsonby appeared on the Beeb while his ex-colleagues were out on strike

Former Scottish Tory leader Douglas Ross copped an early zinger after Geissler said he last saw him running the line at a recent Celtic v Hibs match. ‘Thank goodness for VAR,’ quipped Ponsonby.

A running joke began over the colour of Lib Dem Willie Rennie’s suit. Was it really purple? The re-elected MSP later confirmed by text that it was, in fact, ‘plum, like the Professor’. Political fortunes, too, were coloured with forecasts of Green shoots, ‘red dread’ and turquoise waves.

Co-presenter Laura Miller said it was important to ‘have some fun’ as she introduce a slot called Pets go Polling, with images of cute dogs at polling stations, including a poppet called Pippa from Motherwell and Mack from Blairdardie ‘behaving well’.

Later, we saw Stephen from Aberdeen Deeside and North Kincardine, a political ‘big beast’, whose bite is worse than his bark. Mr Flynn was one of several Nationalist MPs who won a seat at Holyrood. John Swinney, mind your ankles!

Three hours in and it felt as gruelling as Eurovision without the sequins. Even reports of a bus fire outside one of the counts failed to raise the temperature for long.

STV, meanwhile, had reverted to its ITV cousin’s programming where This Morning presenter Josie Gibson was having her own colour dilemma. ‘There is nothing worse than buying a new blush and realising it doesn’t suit your skin tone,’ she told viewers.

There was no election coverage on STV because of strike action on Friday

There was no election coverage on STV because of strike action on Friday

Co-host Dermot O’Leary nodded gravely. Doubtless, those labouring under the harsh BBC cameras would agree too.

On other channels, Sky and GBNews were obsessing over Reform’s surge and Labour’s collapse in the English council elections. With so many star names stepping away north of the Border, from Sturgeon and Ross, to Yousaf and Forbes, it seemed the interest just wasn’t there. Scotland barely got a look-in.

Back at the Beeb, a glitch caused a moment of high farce when Geissler asked Swinney if not achieving a majority meant he would put aside talk of independence for five years. Silence. Gremlins and not selective deafness, apparently. ‘That’s very disappointing,’ said Geissler, to much knowing laughter around the desk.

The line restored, Swinney found his voice and this time successfully failed to answer the question.

By the time Lorna Slater had romped home in Edinburgh Central flanked by a downcast Angus Robertson and a giant gannet (Slater was the one wearing glasses), things were finally warming up nicely for the political geeks.

Then reporter David Wallace-Lockhart ruined things by insisting on explaining how seats are apportioned on the regional list according to some Belgian mathematician’s complicated formula.

By then, with The Chase about to start on ITV, it is fair to say this correspondent’s race was run. Not so the political parties. They’ll be back to do it all again today.

It may have begun but it certainly isn’t over.

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