Lauren Silverman has opened up about feeling “embarrassed and ashamed” over the affair that began her relationship with Simon Cowell, admitting she found the intense public criticism difficult to withstand.
The mother of two became pregnant with her son Eric, now 12, while she was still married to her former husband, Andrew, in 2013. The child’s father is Britain’s Got Talent judge Simon Cowell.
Lauren said she carried deep shame over the circumstances in which her relationship with Simon started and felt the public reaction had come to define her.
After discovering that Lauren was expecting Simon’s child, Andrew filed for divorce, naming adultery as the reason for their separation.
But after years of therapy and major lifestyle changes, Lauren says she no longer intends to let the scandal’s aftermath determine who she is.
Her relationship with Simon has endured despite the controversy, and the couple have also revealed that they hope to marry in the future.
Lauren Silverman has spoken about feeling “embarrassed and ashamed” over her affair with Simon Cowell, pictured while pregnant with their son Eric in 2014
The campaigner, who now uses the name Lauren Cowell, told The Sun’s Fabulous Magazine: “I felt ashamed and embarrassed, like I had a scarlet letter on my chest.”
“For a long time I struggled a lot with it. I get why people had that opinion of me. I would feel exactly the same way if I was looking in as an outsider.”
She continued: “I’m not trying to evade accountability or say that what I did was correct, but I’m human, and it happened. What am I supposed to do for the rest of my life? F**king beat myself up over it? I don’t think that’s fair.”
“I feel a lot of compassion for that girl.”
“It makes me want to hug my former self. I beat myself up so much and allowed what other people were saying about me to define me.”
Lauren has previously said she is “really proud” of the relationship she rebuilt with Andrew after they attended Parents Weekend together at their son Adam’s college last month.
Adam is in his third year at the University of Miami, and Lauren regularly travels from the London home she shares with 66-year-old Simon and Eric to see her eldest son.
Sharing pictures from the recent visit, Lauren—whose parents and sister live in Miami—said: “Parents Weekend was basically all of my favourite things rolled into one — family dinners, football, beach walks, dolphin sightings, lots of laughter… and yes, a fraternity party.”
Lauren Silverman became pregnant with her son Eric, now 12, while she was married to her former husband Andrew in 2013
After learning that Lauren was expecting Simon Cowell’s child, her former husband Andrew, pictured, filed for divorce on the grounds of adultery
“Definitely not my natural habitat although I always love watching some of the parents fully relive their university days.”
“One of the things I felt especially grateful for was being together with Adam’s dad, his wife and their children. Families evolve in all sorts of ways, and I’m really proud of the relationship we’ve all built and how far we’ve come.”
Lauren added: “Most of all, I’m so proud of Adam. He’s happy, thriving and becoming such a great young man.”
Referencing her campaign for stronger protections for children online and a call for age-based restrictions on social media for under-16s, Lauren said she was especially proud that her eldest son has ‘bought himself a Brick for his phone’.
‘He can block distracting apps during the day and focus on studying — which obviously made this online-safety mum very happy.’
She ended her post by writing: ‘Miami will always feel like home to me, and I’m so happy Adam chose it for these university years. A very full heart after a very special weekend.’
Lauren and Simon’s affair was rumoured to have started when he was on holiday with her and her husband in Barbados.
In 2013, Simon said of the affair: ‘I let down a friend and I feel bad about that. But the good thing is I’m having a baby and never thought I would.’
A year later, Andrew branded the ordeal of losing his wife to Simon ‘a very difficult time in my life’, but added that he ‘learned a lot’.
Speaking to the New York Observer, the real-estate entrepreneur said: ‘I am a regular person, not a tabloid thing. It was a fascinating experience, unexpected and shocking.
‘Being in the public spotlight is not something I envy. It’s never been my way. I learned a lot about myself… the importance of family. My focus has been on my son throughout the whole ordeal.’
