Christie Brinkley is reflecting on love, loss, and what she’s learned from her headline-making marriages.

During a recent interview with The New York Times, the former supermodel reflected on her past relationships and the emotional impact they had on her. “I’m too trusting,” she admitted. “I’m a fool for love. That love requires effort. Sometimes, turning to experts for help is necessary. I wish I had found ways to salvage some relationships; I also wish I hadn’t married certain individuals.”

Brinkley, 70, has experienced marriage four times — to artist Jean-François Allaux, musician Billy Joel, developer Richard Taubman, and architect Peter Cook. While some of these marriages ended quietly, others concluded amidst scandal.

“I always believed in soul mates. I thought I had found four of them. Now, I’m not so sure,” she confessed. “Perhaps Jean and Billy were my true soul mates. Maybe I left my marriage with Jean too hastily. Perhaps I should have put more effort into making things work with Billy. It led me to question whether the problem was me — if I was unlovable.”

She continued, “I’m not unlovable, but the relationships I was in made me feel unloved… One loved my money more than me. Another loved his drink more than me. Another loved young women more than me. And in my first one, I loved my freedom more than him.”

Brinkley’s memoir Uptown Girl explores each relationship in more detail — from meeting Allaux in Paris at 19, to her turbulent marriage to Joel, which she says ended when “booze was the other woman.” She also accuses Taubman of marrying her for her money, writing, “It was usership, manipulation, and at its worst, emotional torture.”

Her final marriage to Cook ended in a very public split after she discovered he was having an affair with his teenage assistant. “I was married to a stranger who had other lives,” she said. “The divorce lasted for years. It was agonizing.”

Despite everything, Brinkley says she still believes in love. “Everything I’ve been through, all the pain, the stupidity, I would do it again because I believe in love,” she said. “I don’t need a person to make me happy. I’m happy. But I have so much happiness in me, I would love to share it with someone I love.”