Slow Horses Season Finale Review: Christopher Stevens’ Verdict

Slow Horses (Apple TV+)

Rating: Four out of five stars

“Moscow Rules,” declared Jackson Lamb, the head of Slough House, in the finale of Slow Horses.

For anyone steeped in classic spy fiction, the phrase carries an immediate jolt of recognition.

George Smiley, the quietly formidable hero of John le Carré’s Circus novels, referred to the Moscow Rules time and again.

Developed by the CIA, they were regarded as fundamental spycraft: the practical rules Cold War agents followed to stay hidden and avoid exposure.

At the top of the list were instructions such as “Assume nothing” and “Never go against your gut.”

Unfortunately for Lamb (Gary Oldman), none of the “joes” under his command – the bungling misfits and professional failures assigned to him – would know a hunch if it arrived with two Alka-Seltzer tablets and a spoonful of bicarbonate of soda.

That is the cleverness of Slow Horses: it presents itself as an anti-spy drama while delivering nearly everything audiences expect from a traditional espionage thriller.

The climactic episode offered the full package – a delicious double-cross, Russian heavies, a glamorous supervillainess and a bloody gun battle at a safe house.

Yet the series also had great fun dismantling the genre’s familiar clichés.

James Bond fans, in particular, will enjoy the nod to Thunderball. Shirley (Aimee-Ffion Edwards), Lamb’s grumpy but most capable protégée, finds a loaded harpoon gun at the bottom of a rowing boat on a Suffolk beach. Why it is there is never explained – and, frankly, it does not need to be.

Shirley never gets the chance to use it. That honour falls to Reece, played by Lenny Rush, who stands just under 3ft 3in and may be the least convincing Sean Connery lookalike in history.

Kristin Scott Thomas, as MI5 chief Diana Taverner, could easily have stepped into the role of M in a 007 film.

Instead, she is forced to hold her nose – almost literally – while climbing into the passenger seat of Lamb’s car, which is unmistakably not an Aston Martin. Beneath the layers of rust, it looks suspiciously like a 1990s Honda.

Taverner has been secretly working both sides against the middle with the Russians. “I’d think twice before admitting to treason,” Lamb warns her.

“That’s your pension f****d right there.” Beneath all the grime and cynicism, it seems, Lamb still has the instincts of an old-fashioned civil servant.

Each series of Slow Horses follows a familiar rhythm. Lamb is appalled by his incompetent agents; they desperately seek his approval, only to make matters worse; and, eventually, he is forced to rescue them despite every instinct telling him not to – at least those who survive.

This season, however, the body count has been notably higher than usual.

Despite the grottiness of the Slow Horses HQ and Lamb’s stomach-turning personal habits, this show is often beautifully filmic. 

One aerial shot revealed blue dots converging on a green background, like a piece of liquid modern art. They turned out to be armed guards on an airstrip.

I’m puzzled, though, that the windows in the coastal safe house were all blown out during a gunfight, yet seemed intact again by the time MI5 reinforcements arrived. Double glazing salesmen in Suffolk must work fast.