If your significant other frequently misplaces their keys, tends to daydream, or often interrupts conversations, they might be living with undiagnosed Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

These behaviors are among nine typical symptoms associated with ADHD, as explained by a psychologist who specializes in neurodivergent conditions. The condition, which impacts focus, impulse regulation, and activity levels, is believed to affect approximately 2.6 million people in the UK. This number is expected to grow as more individuals recognize ADHD symptoms in themselves and seek professional diagnoses.

Recent data from March showed that over half a million individuals in England are waiting for ADHD evaluations, a significant increase from 416,000 the previous year.

Unfortunately, the wait for a diagnostic assessment can be lengthy. Of those in line, 304,000 have been waiting for at least a year, with 144,000 enduring delays of two years or longer.

Selina Warlow, a clinical psychologist and founder of The Nook Clinic, shared with the Daily Mail that there are signs to help determine if your partner might be among the many individuals who have not yet received a diagnosis.

Selina Warlow a clinical psychologist and founder of The Nook Clinic, told the Daily Mail that there are ways to work out if your partner could be one of the thousands of people who have slipped through the net.

Dr Warlow said that some of her clients’ partners have described being in a relationship with someone has ADHD as ‘really exciting’.

She said: ‘I’ve worked with clients that have ADHD and their partners have spoken to us. They’ll say “oh, you know, my partner is so creative.”‘

However, she noted that the condition has the potential to cause disharmony at home as some ADHD-related behaviours—like impulsivity, forgetfulness and mood swings —can be frustrating and hurtful.

ADHD was previously only believed to affect boys—as with autism—meaning there’s been a huge surge in women discovering they have it later in life, but men get diagnosed at all ages, too. 

It’s a common misconception that only Gen Z and Millennials are desperate to get an official stamp of neurodivergence—people of all ages are finally getting clarity about why they think and act in certain ways.    

Just last month, Scottish singer Annie Lennox revealed she was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 70, telling BBC radio show Woman’s Hour it was helping her to understand herself better.

Often, people are blissfully unaware that they are neurodivergent, but their partners notice that they have tics, habits and routines which align with the classic symptoms of ADHD. 

With this in mind, Dr Warlow shares nine common ‘warning signs’ that your partner might be ADHD.

1. Forgetfulness

One of the signs of ADHD is forgetfulness Dr Warlow explained, which can manifest as ‘forgetting appointments, or actually even things you’ve told them.

‘Or they may regularly lose things around the house, or forget things, or leave things behind or maybe forget where their keys are.’

But she said, this isn’t something sudden or new, but rather ‘consistent’ that they’ve exhibited for as long as you’ve known them.

2. Being easily distracted

The second sign, she said is them ‘getting easily distracted’, for example, during conversations ‘you might notice them looking out the window or getting distracted by other people talking at a restaurant’.

This, forgetfulness and the next sign, are all traits of inattentive ADHD, she explained, which is one of three types: inattentive, hyperactive-impulsive and combined, which is both the attentive and hyperactivity/impulsive profile.

Symptoms of the inattentive type can often be dismissed in women, as women may experience them internally rather than externally, she explained.

3. Executive functioning difficulties

While this isn’t part of the diagnostic criteria, it can be a symptom of ADHD that people experience, Dr Warlow said.

It can involve, ‘difficulties with time management’ and ‘struggling to get started on tasks’, she explained.

Other signs of executive dysfunction include difficulty with multitasking, paying attention and organising thoughts.

This is a trait of the inattentive type, but it is possible for people to experience both executive dysfunction and hyperactivity – this is what is called the combined type. 

4. Struggling to sit still

The next sign is a trait of hyperactive-impulsive ADHD, which she explained: ‘Could look like a partner that is always on the go.’

She added: ‘Some people with ADHD may struggle to sit still or seem restless.

‘However this can also manifest as an internal restlessness and experiencing racing thoughts.’ 

5. Impulsivity, talking quickly and interrupting

It can be lovely to date someone with ADHD who can be ‘spontaneous’ she said, but they can make risky decisions.

These decisions, Dr Warlow, explained, however well-intended may not always be ‘very well planned out’. 

This impulsivity, she said can also lead to your partner say things without thinking, interrupt people or speak over others.

6. Hyperfocusing 

The partner may also hyper focus on things, which can look like them ‘showing lots of passion and interest in one thing’.

She added: ‘And those can change, they could last a few months and may do alot of research on one topic before moving to the next.’ 

While it isn’t on the DSM-5, a widely used diagnostic manual, a 2018 study linked hyperactivity to the neurodevelopmental condition. 

7. Communication difficulties

Dr Harlow said dating with someone with ADHD can be ‘beautiful’ because they are ‘spontaneous, charismatic and dynamic’.

But she added: ‘It might be challenging to be married to someone with ADHD, because their communication style might be different to your own.’

She explained they can talk in a ‘tangenitial way’ which can be ‘tricky’ – as they struggle to follow someone else’s train of thought and jump between topics.

They may also ‘want you to get to the point’ when you want a ‘deep and meaningful conversation’ because they struggle to ‘sustain attention in longer conversations’.

8. Intense emotions

The next sign, she said is them ‘feeling emotions quite deeply’ which can present as them being ‘more impulsive when they’re angry or frustrated’.

‘They may not always take time to think and understand the other person’s perspective. They might jump very quickly to anger or frustration,’ said Dr Harlow.

‘It’s about taking the time to understand that what they first say might not be what they mean, and they may later reflect and apologise and say, “I didn’t mean that.”‘

9. Rejection sensitivity 

The partner may also struggle with rejection sensitivity, she said, which has been dubbed ‘rejected sensitivity disorder’.

‘Some people are really sensitive to rejection, because of years of having experiences of being told they’re not good enough,’ said Dr Harlow.

They may very quickly feel like they’re being rejected or pushed away and need a little bit more love and compassion,’ she explained.

How should you tell your partner you think they have ADHD?

It’s best to approach your partner with ‘curiosity’, Dr Harlow said, and have a ‘really open conversation with them about how they are feeling’. 

She also recommended focusing on the positives, as neurodiversity ‘isn’t a negative thing or a weakness’ but rather a ‘strength’.

‘Normally, you’d only seek a diagnosis if it’s impairing your daily functioning,’ she explained – so it’s best to talk to them if you notice them ‘becoming distressed’.

This stress may be because they’re turning up late for work or forgetting things and it’s impacting their wellbeing.

‘You could also frame all their wonderful strengths and the things you love about them, which are also strengths of having neurodivergence too,’ she added.

If it’s not significantly impairing their life, they might not need to seek a diagnosis. Instead, couples can work together to manage it, she explained. 

How can you support your partner?

In her clinic, Dr Harlow explained her clients have shared with her wonderful examples of how you can support a partner with ADHD.

Recalling one client she said: ‘The partner bought her an alarm for her water bottle that goes off to remind her to drink water.

‘That’s the most beautiful example of him understanding her needs, and also showing compassion, and making sure she was looking after herself.’ 

It’s important to focus on ‘working on the strength of both people in a partnership’, she explained. 

For example, she said, if someone is good at finance, you could have a joint account, and they could be in charge of money. 

Similarly, if someone is really good at organising, they could create a joint schedule, which can be really helpful for someone with ADHD, she explained.

In the past, she’s seen couples where one partner takes on the school admin, and is on the related WhatsApp groups, because the ADHD partner finds it overwhelming.