After the birth of her youngest son, Bernie Sinclaire reached a breaking point. She said she found herself carrying most of the responsibility at home, from cooking and cleaning to caring for the newborn, while feeling her partner was doing far less.
Eventually, the 38-year-old New York native decided to leave the relationship. But rather than navigate parenthood alone, she chose a different path: moving in with her best friend, Anabelle Gonzalez, 39, who is also a single mother.
Today, the two women share an apartment with their three children — Sinclaire’s sons, ages nine and four, and Gonzalez’s seven-year-old daughter. They are not romantically involved, but describe their living arrangement as a “mommune.”
In the household, finances and chores are split evenly, with both women sharing the work 50/50. Sinclaire said the setup has brought her far more happiness than she experienced while living with a man.
Speaking exclusively to the Daily Mail, Sinclaire said she had spent years trying to build relationships with different men, only to repeatedly end up feeling the same frustration.
While speaking exclusively with the Daily Mail, Sinclaire explained that she spent years trying to make it work with various men but was always left feeling the same way.
‘I’ve been in multiple relationships and I’ve lived with men. Every time after a while it always returned back to, “I don’t want to do this,”‘ she said.
‘Even when I’ve had good experiences, I never found an equitable experience where I felt like I wasn’t doing the heavy load of decorating, cooking, cleaning and all of that. I still felt like, even in the more equal partnerships, that it impacted me more than it impacted the man.
Bernie Sinclaire felt like she was doing so much more than her partner – she was handling the brunt of the housework, cooking, cleaning and taking care of the newborn. So she decided to leave him
But instead of raising her kids as a single mother, the 38-year-old New York-native decided to move in with her best friend, Anabelle Gonzalez, 39, who was also a single mom. The two women now live together in one apartment with Sinclaire’s two sons, age nine and four, and Gonzalez’s daughter, age seven
‘[With my last partner] we were in love. But as soon as the baby was born, I was like, “I can’t.” I felt like I was stuck in that role again of managing a household, managing all the childrearing, I found myself becoming a manager.
‘I left because I was like, I can’t keep doing dishes like this the rest of my life.’
After leaving her partner, Sinclaire said she attempted to live as a single mom-of-two but was struggling with the high cost of living in New York City.
That’s when the idea dawned on her: what if she teamed up with someone else in a similar situation?
‘Being on my own was better than when I was cohabitating with my ex but I was like, “I’m still stuck with the brunt of the load.” It’s like you’re dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t,’ Sinclaire explained.
‘I was like, over my dead body am I going to be punished for not wanting to live with dudes. So I [decided] to create a family based on female friendship, intentionally decentering men and romantic partners. I think women’s power is in collectivism.
‘I thought, let me find another single mom, that would be so cool. I could get all the support I’m supposed to get from a guy but from a capable person, a mother.’
That’s when she approached Gonzalez, whom she had met years prior in college and had just recently gone through a breakup as well.
Sinclaire, seen with her kids, said: ‘I [decided] to create a family based on female friendship, intentionally decentering men and romantic partners. I think women’s power is in collectivism’
The two moved into an apartment together in 2024 and have been building their ‘mommune’ ever since.
They split all finances equally, including rent and food, as well as the chores, shopping, cooking and cleaning.
‘It’s really natural, there’s no strategy,’ she said of how they split up the housework. ‘Mothers just know what has to be done so a lot of it is just being in tune,’ Sinclaire explained.
The mother-of-two said that the biggest benefit has been the ‘finances,’ explaining that they both were able to get ‘a huge lifestyle upgrade’ after deciding to join forces.
‘We are teachers, middle-income women living in a very chaotic, expensive city. The life we could provide our kids on a single income with dependents is nothing compared to the life we could provide them combined,’ she continued.
‘Now we have a really nice apartment, we live in a better neighborhood, the kids have nicer space, there’s a playroom in our building, we live across the street from a beautiful park. We are able to do this because of the mommune.’
When it comes to parenting, Sinclaire said they help look after each other’s kids but clarified that she does not view Gonzalez’s daughter as her own.
‘If a child is having a problem, we don’t wait for the custodial parent to deal with it. If my friend’s daughter is crying, I’m gonna ask her if she’s OK,’ she said.
‘But if she’s crying [because of something serious] I’ll do a pass-off to her mom. With private and personal things and with discipline [I leave it to Gonzalez].
‘I don’t punish her daughter and she doesn’t punish my kids. But we do talk about it. If they have a fight we discuss [as a team], like, what do we do?’
Sinclaire often posts about her unusual living situation online, but she admitted she’s faced some scrutiny over it.
She said many people accuse her of being a ‘man-hater.’ In response, she quipped: ‘I like men, I like dating, I just don’t want to take care of a man.
The two moved into an apartment together in 2024 and have been building their ‘mommune’ ever since. They split all finances equally, including rent and food, as well as the chores, shopping, cooking and cleaning
‘It’s not men that I have a problem with, I just don’t want to take care of anybody until death due us part. Marriage to me sounds like you’re signing up for a lifetime of cooking and cleaning for someone.’
She said the biggest misconception is that she’s a lesbian but vowed that there are absolutely no romantic feelings between her and Gonzalez.
‘I’m not a lesbian. I would not create a mommune if I were gay. I’d just date a woman,’ she added.
Sinclaire has now created a website and Facebook group for others looking to join a mommune to get resources and connect with one another.
‘This is for women who want to be mothers and experience the family life [without men],’ she said.
‘If you’re into the tradwife trend, marriage is perfect for you. Have at it. That’s great. There’s so many women who have found a male soulmate, I’m so happy for them. But there’s a lot of us who have not and that doesn’t mean we should stay in an unhappy marriage, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pursue our dreams of having a family or being a mother.’
‘I want people to know this is an option, it doesn’t have to replace anything I just don’t think women should be sold one narrative of how they can make families,’ she concluded.
‘And I hope I can de-stigmatize it. It’s not that weird or strange to raise a family with a woman. Women are safe and understand children in a way a lot of men don’t.’
