An affair once conjured images of secret hotel rooms, elaborate alibis and long stretches spent away from home. For some unfaithful partners, however, the deception may require only a handful of stolen minutes.
A grocery run, an afternoon errand or a routine stop on the commute can offer cover for brief sexual encounters sometimes described as the “five-minute affair.”
Susan Trombetti, a relationship investigator, told Our News Outlet that she has worked with clients whose partners hid quick hookups inside otherwise ordinary daily routines.
One husband reportedly broke up his morning runs for 10-minute encounters with a neighbor before rejoining his usual route. Another client acknowledged having sex with a fellow parent during their children’s playdates, while a third woman’s husband allegedly stopped at a motel to meet a sex worker on his way to work.
Tammy Nelson, a sex and relationship therapist, said certain changes in routine could prompt a partner to ask questions about unexplained outings.
“I think showering more often, going to the gym with no discernible after effects or strange excess visits to the dentist might need more explanation,” she said.
None of those behaviors proves that someone is cheating. Still, both experts explained that brief encounters can be easier to conceal because they do not involve the prolonged absences many people associate with an affair.
The “five-minute affair” refers to brief sexual encounters folded into grocery trips, gym visits or other gaps in an unfaithful partner’s routine
“The gym is definitely a good excuse and it happens because it fits into their regular routine,” said Trombetti, CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking.
“They take care of their needs and move on as if it never happened, which lessens the guilt.”
Nelson said such encounters can remain among the most carefully guarded secrets discussed in her clinical work. Some people may initially dismiss a quick hookup as too minor to address in therapy—particularly when it does not yet involve repeated meetings with the same person.
“Sometimes a quick encounter can make it seem as if there are fewer consequences,” Nelson said.
“They are quick, require just a fast unzip and zip up, and by their nature can be almost forgettable to the people actually participating.”
Couples therapist Irina Firstein said the pressure of limited time can actually heighten the excitement, as affair partners fit sex around errands, work and family responsibilities.
“This is very exciting, and it adds to the thrill of an illicit relationship,” she said.
Firstein described a longtime married client, a professional with children, who routinely met his affair partner for lunch or drinks before having sex in a bathroom. His wife, Firstein said, had not uncovered the relationship because she had never considered it a possibility.
Anne Blythe, founder and executive director of Betrayal Trauma Recovery, cautioned that a brief physical encounter may represent only one part of a larger secret relationship.
A person who repeatedly meets the same partner may also be texting and carrying on conversations between encounters, she told Our News Outlet.
“Having short encounters is still living a double life,” Blythe said.
Couples therapist Irina Firstein said time pressure can heighten the excitement, with affair partners arranging sexual encounters around errands and other commitments
She said people may downplay their conduct by focusing on how quickly it happened, while the betrayed partner still has to deal with the deception itself.
Trombetti recalled one client who justified having sex with another parent during their children’s playdates.
The woman would bring her children to the man’s home, where the two adults would arrange a quick encounter, Trombetti said.
They also had sex in a parking lot during parent-teacher night, she said.
“She justified that she was happier, the sex was better, and it was just a little something for herself that made her marriage happier,” Trombetti said.
The woman eventually divorced and turned to Trombetti for matchmaking services. She told Trombetti that her former husband had never learned about the infidelity.
“Somehow, they think it’s not a full-blown affair or someone they are investing in, so it doesn’t hurt anyone,” Trombetti said. “It was her secret.”
In another case, a seemingly healthy habit provided cover for repeated encounters just a short distance from home.
Trombetti said a client’s former husband would set out for his morning run, then enter a neighbor’s home through a basement sliding door that had been left unlocked.
“He would do this every morning, they would have a brief ten-minute hookup before the kids were awake, and then he would be on his way running,” she said.
Other neighbors eventually noticed the pattern and alerted his wife, who later divorced him.
Another client’s husband allegedly stopped at a motel that rented rooms by the hour to meet a sex worker during his commute. Blythe also recalled a more brazen case involving a married contractor who used the mobile number printed on his truck to arrange roadside encounters.
One husband reportedly paused his morning runs for 10-minute encounters with a neighbor before returning to his regular route
“There was a contractor, and he had a big old truck, and he had his phone number, his mobile phone number, on the outside of his truck,” she said.
According to Blythe, he would catch the attention of a woman driving on the freeway and gesture toward the number, inviting her to call.
After speaking by phone, they would exit the freeway and find a private location where they could have sex in his truck.
He would then continue his trip, Blythe said, “and then he’d just get right back on the freeway.”
“And he would do that a lot.”
He could return home and portray the journey as an ordinary drive back from work—until his wife eventually discovered the truth.
“The duration doesn’t matter as much as the deception,” Blythe said.
Because a partner’s schedule may reveal few obvious warning signs, Trombetti said the truth sometimes reaches a spouse through someone outside the relationship.
“Most times, they are usually tipped off,” she said.
For one client, the affair came to light during pandemic lockdown, when she overheard her husband discussing his infidelity with his therapist.
Trombetti said he had been having sex with another woman in a car during short breaks on his night shift. He also disclosed encounters with sex workers disguised as grocery trips.
His wife had been unaware of both, Trombetti said.
Blythe likewise said discovery often comes through evidence found afterward, rather than catching a partner in the act.
“They’re gonna find evidence that it occurred, but they’re not gonna catch them actually in the act of doing it,” she said.
