It’s a Sunday evening, and I find myself in a slightly worn pub, donning a charming summer dress paired with heels, as I await the arrival of my date.
In an effort to finally shake off my pattern of dating perpetual Peter Pans—those men who seem to resist the notion of adulthood—I’ve decided to venture beyond my usual preferences and give dating a younger person a try.
All my friends have been singing the praises of dating younger men. They eagerly share how these men were raised in a time when expressing emotions and shedding tears were encouraged—a refreshing change from the older, more aloof types I usually encounter in my age group and beyond.
“And the intimacy!” one friend exclaimed, really selling the idea. “They have more vitality, fewer back issues, and none of those old football injury aches…”
After a vacation in Bali last year with a man who required a masseuse to literally walk on his back to align it—and who groaned audibly each time he stood up—I couldn’t help but think… how wonderfully appealing.
So, when a 29-year-old—indeed, a man 12 years younger than I—invited me to his local pub for a relaxing Sunday evening drink, I was more than eager to accept the invitation.
And dear reader, he was cute.
Deep tan, courtesy of his job as a builder. Sandy blonde hair. Sparkly blue eyes that haven’t yet been dulled by the stress of mortgages or the sleepless nights of babies.
Daily Mail columnist Jana Hocking reveals the pros and cons of dating a younger man
Artist and socialite Dina Broadhurst is pictured with her latest toyboy, Danny Tchalaby
To be fair, neither have mine, so I figured we would be on even ground.
The first couple of dates were… chef’s kiss.
He was gloriously keen. He’d text me throughout the day, just to check in. There were no kids to look after, no bitching about an ex-wife, no complicated divorce.
Seeing 31-year-old Tammy Hembrow swanning around town with Grayson Te Moana, who’s eight years her junior, and Dina Broadhurst, who’s 50, frolicking in the sand with her much younger boyfriend, Danny Tchalaby, suddenly made so much sense.
It’s all just fun and games with a younger man!
Well, yes. Until it isn’t. Because, you see, the thing about younger men is the shine wears off really quickly.
For me, it was the little things at first. And soon enough, they became deal-breakers I simply couldn’t ignore.
For example, his fondness for wearing thongs everywhere. (Ed: flip-flops to our British readers). Now, don’t get me wrong, they’re fine at the beach. But to dinner? Around friends? Absolutely not.
Tammy Hembrow is dating Grayson Te Moana, who is eight years her junior
Then there was the smell of his share house (yes, he lived in a share house.) His room always had this kind of stale laundry smell. And that was because he consistently forgot to take his laundry out of the washing machine. Rather than put the load on again, he would simply hang it on the line, giving it that unmistakable stink.
The final straw should have been when we went back to his house one night and he had no bed sheets on, because, like I said, he wasn’t a fan of taking his washing out of the machine.
But despite having to sleep on a dirty mattress that night, that wasn’t actually the moment I threw up my hands and declared, ‘Sorry, I’ve had enough.’
That came when I had to tell him to go to the dentist.
Yep. His nonchalance about brushing his teeth had resulted in a case of halitosis so vile I would gag if he so much as breathed in my direction.
It was then I came to a brutal realisation: I was basically dating a teenager. Or was I mothering one? Honestly, it felt like a bit of both.
I asked the friends who’d enthusiastically recommended dating younger men if they’d dealt with the same nasty side effects – and most laughed and agreed.
One told me that’s the reason she never takes them seriously.
‘I don’t even stay at his house, just a casual drink, pizza, romp and off I go. Win, win.’
I was reminded of the often subtle difference between dating an ‘age appropriate’ man and a toyboy when I was enjoying brunch with a friend in Bondi last weekend.
Bondi, of course, is the sort of suburb where it’s common to see activewear-clad 20-somethings being ferried around in sports cars by men old enough to be their dads.
What I witnessed, however, was an altogether different scene.
A car that had seen better days pulled up in front of the café and out popped Dina and Danny, one of the age‑gap couples I mentioned earlier.
The car, I happen to know, belongs to Dina – and on this occasion, Danny was behind the wheel.
He waited outside while Dina went in to collect their coffee order.
As they drove off, I shamelessly thought to myself, ‘He must be brilliant in bed’ – because the very pedestrian scene, from the affordably priced car to Dina shouting the piccolos, wasn’t exactly setting my libido alight.
Perhaps I was reading a little too much into it, but it left an impression on me.
Tammy, Dina – at the risk of sticking my nose in, may I humbly express my opinion? Yes, these relationships can be fun – breathtakingly so – but they are rarely built for the long haul.
Dating a younger man can be fabulous for the self-esteem and, for a few delicious months, they certainly know how to show you a good time. But in my experience, these romances are better kept as flings.
Why? Because if you’ve worked hard for your money and lifestyle, the real win is finding someone who’s at the same stage of life as you. An equal partner.
And if you can find one who is willing to show up and grow up – which admittedly can be bloody hard – you’re on to a real winner.
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