DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are currently living with my in-laws while our home is being renovated. Last night, on the third night of our stay, I overheard my father-in-law bringing another woman into the basement while everyone else was asleep. Should I bring this up and risk getting kicked out or causing family conflict? He’s the primary breadwinner, and it’s his house. Or should I keep quiet and hold onto this secret? — CONFUSED WITNESS
DEAR CONFUSED WITNESS: Even though you overheard something, you didn’t actually witness it. Consider it a bad dream and stay quiet, at least until you’re no longer living under your in-laws’ roof.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 33 years, but the last decade has been particularly challenging. His behavior and self-centeredness during this period have led me to develop a deep resentment toward him.
He’s now telling me he has changed and things will be different, that I am important to him and he will consider my thoughts, feelings, wants and needs going forward. The problem I’m having is, he didn’t decide this until I finally had enough and moved out.
How do I decide what is best for me? I love him, and at his core he is a good person, but sometimes I feel like there’s too much water under the bridge. — JUST NOT SURE IN ILLINOIS
DEAR JUST NOT SURE: For a leopard to change his spots takes effort. It doesn’t happen overnight. Do not go back to your husband before the two of you have had counseling with a licensed marriage and family therapist for one year. If, after that, he has proven that he’s capable of change, you can decide then whether there has been too much water under the bridge or you feel safe living with him again.
DEAR ABBY: I had an accident and have been in a walking boot for a few weeks with several more to go. This has happened before, unfortunately. I am regularly annoyed by strangers who feel compelled to comment about the boot — “Oh, did you kick someone?” or “Hey, what happened?” I don’t think I owe a stranger an explanation of the state of my body. It’s none of their business.
First, please remind your readers that this behavior is intrusive and rude. Second, what is an appropriate response to these insensitive people? I have gone from light jokes — “You should have seen the sidewalk when I got through with it!” — to ignoring them. Nothing seems to shut it down. — HOBBLED IN GEORGIA
DEAR HOBBLED: If you think you’re alone in being subjected to this annoyance, think again. People are curious, and some have little or no filter. None of them are actively trying to be offensive. Because nothing seems to shut it down, hang on to your sense of humor. Your light joke is upbeat and clever. My advice is to stick to it.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
