DEAR ABBY: I’m currently dealing with a serious diagnosis of severe liver disease (non-alcoholic) and have been advised to lose 30 pounds. Over the past five years, I’ve faced two cancer battles and also suffer from arthritis. Determined to follow my doctor’s recommendations, I’ve committed to eating only organic and low-fat foods, while incorporating daily exercise to better my liver condition. I’m anticipating surgery in the coming months.
I reside with family members who outwardly express support but become upset when I decline invitations to events like all-you-can-eat buffets, buttery popcorn at the cinema, fast foods, and sweets. One even stormed off when I refused an outing to a deli for a large salami sandwich! I declined politely, explaining that I wasn’t hungry, which was true. Following this disagreement, I’ve lost motivation. I stopped weighing myself every day and started slipping in my progress.
Currently, I’ve lost hope in making improvements to my health. My family members fully understand my medical situation since they were present at the consultation. What can I do to remain strong and committed without having to move out? It’s my home! — SICK AND TIRED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SICK AND TIRED: It’s time to reaffirm your desire to live. Because of your health problems, this will mean making changes that will be lifelong. Ask your doctor for a referral to a registered dietitian who can guide you in making those adjustments, and when you have your first consultations, bring your sabotaging relatives with you. When they deliberately tempt you to stray from this lifesaving program, they are encouraging you to risk your life. If they are unwilling to get on board, then they — not you — should move out.
DEAR ABBY: Every time my granddaughter and I talk, she always tells me to let her talk. I’m getting older, and one day I won’t be here for her to tell me to let her talk. Believe me, I know. I’d give anything to talk to my Big Mama once more. I finally blew up and told her that one day I won’t be here and to have a good day. I haven’t spoken to her since.
Most of the time, I have to call or go by to see my great-grandsons, if I see them at all. I’m tired of being the only one to make an effort. I love her with all my heart, but my heart has feelings, too. Please advise. — OVERLOOKED IN MISSISSIPPI
DEAR OVERLOOKED: I know you are hurting, and for that I am sorry. But when someone says, “Let ME talk,” it usually means that the other talker is hogging the conversation. I doubt your granddaughter said it to be mean. She may be busier than you are. Conversations are supposed to be shared, not turned into lectures. Because you have important life lessons you want to impart, consider writing them in a journal or recording them.
Since you seem to be making all the effort to see your great-grandsons, perhaps it’s time to concentrate less on your children’s children and put more effort into socializing with contemporaries. If you do, you may find it equally, if not more, rewarding.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
