DEAR ABBY: When my ex-wife passed away recently, she left a house solely in her name to our two children, who are in their 20s and 30s. Both kids were deeply affected by her loss. The house they inherited is in poor condition and requires both repairs and updates to comply with zoning and permit regulations.
I earn a decent income and recently received a settlement from a personal injury case. I’ve been financially supporting my children during this difficult time, as they are struggling emotionally. I have spent tens of thousands of dollars on their home’s restoration and have also assisted with their rent and daily expenses.
My girlfriend, who I have been living with for several years, is furious with me for using what she considers “our retirement savings” to support my kids. She criticizes me for not making them be self-sufficient and questions my priorities, saying I should think more about “us” rather than focusing on them. She has never had a good relationship with my children and has consistently viewed any support I provide as spoiling them.
I am furious that my girlfriend, who has never had children, can’t understand my desire to help. I feel it’s my moral obligation as their dad to be there for them, and I’m fortunate that I can do it. Isn’t it the right thing to do as a parent to help as much as possible? Is my girlfriend out of line? This has damaged our relationship, and I’m concerned it may be completely off the rails. — GOOD GUY IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR GOOD GUY: I don’t know the intimate details of your financial situation, the relationship you have with your companion or to what degree your generosity may impact your future. Of course it’s natural for loving parents to want to help their children. But tens of thousands of dollars is a lot of money. Because of the emotions involved, the logical choice for advice on this subject would be your CPA and your attorney.
DEAR ABBY: I have a male friend (attorney) who is married to a dermatologist. Nearly every time this friend interacts with a medical provider, he is dissatisfied and feels he is being ripped off. He attests that doctors order unnecessary tests and deliberately overcharge. He does this vociferously and repeatedly.
I’m a retired medical professional and consumer of health services myself, so I am certainly aware that many parts of our health care system are a mess. I do not know how to stop his rants. I try to change the subject, but nearly every conversation is the same. — TIRED OF LISTENING
DEAR TIRED: You are not a hostage. The next time this friend raises the subject, tell him you have heard his complaints, there is nothing you can do about them, you would prefer to discuss something positive when you’re together and change the subject.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
