This year has been an incredibly challenging period for my husband and me. It all began when my husband suffered a severe back injury while at work, yet he received no disability benefits or compensation. We are anxiously awaiting a court date in July to address his case, but until then, he remains unable to work. This has placed a tremendous strain on our finances, forcing us to cut back to the bare essentials like toilet paper, toothpaste, and other basic necessities. Thankfully, we have food assistance, which has been a significant help.

Adding to our trials, I was recently diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. I’ve already undergone two lumpectomies and a partial breast removal, and I am currently in the midst of radiation treatments. My schedule is filled with numerous doctor’s appointments, adding yet another layer of stress to our lives.

We have two daughters and three grandchildren whom we cherish deeply. However, our limited finances mean that our gas money is reserved strictly for essential trips, like attending medical appointments and visiting the grocery store. This situation has become particularly difficult as both of our daughters’ birthdays approach, and we already missed seeing them during the recent Christmas holidays due to our inability to afford the travel costs.

It breaks my heart that we are unable to visit or send gifts to our family. One of my daughters kindly sent us gifts, and it pains me not to reciprocate. I am at a loss on how to explain our situation to them without burdening them or evoking their sympathy, which is the last thing I want.

– Feeling Guilty

– Feeling Guilty

Dear Feeling Guilty: I’m so sorry to read about what you’re going through. Health challenges are hard enough without having to navigate financial struggles and legal logistics. This is a hard time. One of the more difficult parts of hard times is letting it be hard. We want to fix, we want it to be better, we want to go back to normal, of course we do.

It’s important to remember that generosity from others – in good times and bad – isn’t an invoice that we have to scramble to repay somehow. People give of their time, their attention and their resources out of the goodness of their hearts, or because they see a need, or because they care. So, instead of seeing your daughter’s gift as a reminder of what you can’t offer this year, try to think of it as an invitation to be cared for right now.

Think about Christmas lists. Sometimes it can be frustrating not knowing what someone wants. We say, “tell me what to get you.” That same concept can apply for intangible gifts. When we share where we are in life and what we need, we better equip our loved ones to support us, show up for us and express their love.

Dear Eric: Thirty-three years ago, I became pregnant and the man I was dating dropped me like a hot potato. I had the baby on my own and when he was two years old, I met someone who I later married.

After 20 tumultuous years we had a very ugly divorce. Before I began divorce proceedings, my son joined the Marines. I contacted him to let him know that his stepfather and I were divorcing, and he said he already knew courtesy of his stepfather.

I had gotten along fine with my son until this moment nine years ago. Since then, he won’t speak to me or return my texts, letters, phone calls and I haven’t seen him. If I call him and he answers he hangs up as soon as he hears my voice. I have no idea where he lives now (he’s out of the Marines) or what his life situation is.

My ex-husband and I do not speak to each other, but his social media picture is of him and my son.

I don’t know if I should keep trying to contact him. I have no idea why he cut me out of his life and he hasn’t told me. I wish we could make amends.

Any advice?

– Miserable Mom

Dear Mom: I’m sorry this is happening to you. From what you’ve written, it’s not clear that you owe an amends. Now, of course, there could be other things that happened between you and your son. But the fact is, if he won’t tell you what’s wrong, or even that there is something wrong, then there’s nothing for you to fix.

It sounds like you’ve tried every avenue available to you in an attempt to reach him. It strikes me as cruel that he wouldn’t even write a letter back, even to air grievances.

For your own healing process, it will be helpful to stop reaching out for now. You may want to join support groups for parents who are experiencing estrangement or read “Done with the Crying: Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children” by Sheri McGregor.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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