DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently relocated to a different state. His sole remaining family member, his sister, came to visit us. She has remained single throughout her life and has a substantial retirement fund, as she has no children.
During her visit, she surprised us with a housewarming card that included a $50 Visa gift card. This stood out because, in the entire 50 years we’ve known her, she had never given us money before. She has always been very frugal, insisting on paying her portion of any restaurant bill separately.
While she was here, I made a remark about her being reluctant to pay for a $5 coffee for her brother, which she found deeply insulting. (I was aware it might upset her and did it knowingly.) She brought up the $50 gift card she had given us and accused me of possibly not mentioning it to her brother, despite him being present when she handed it to us.
We don’t need her money, and I want to mail it back to her and say thanks for the thought, but we don’t need it. What do you think I should do? — THANKS, NO THANKS, IN FLORIDA
DEAR THANKS: Really? I think that rather than try to create more problems with your sister-in-law, you should write her and apologize for your comment about the $5 coffee. Instead of returning the gift card, be gracious and accept it. Shame on you for knowingly stirring the pot.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a widow. My partner died 10 months ago. We were together for seven years but never married. I have now found a partner who is 12 years younger than I am. We love each other and want to be married. My problem is, he is only separated from his wife. He says he doesn’t want her and he hates her because she betrayed him. They are getting a divorce, but if I stay with him, I feel that I’ll be stepping between them. What should I do — stay and hope for the best, or leave him? — IN THE MIDDLE IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: This romance is in its infancy. You have been widowed for only 10 months. There’s wisdom in the adage that after a trauma like the one you have suffered, a person should make no important decisions for a year.
Has this man or his wife filed the divorce papers, or is he only thinking about it? If the papers have been filed, then you are not coming between him and his wife. Divorce can also be traumatic, and, frankly, I am surprised that this man would contemplate remarriage before his divorce is final. Rather than decide whether to leave him, take your time and see how this relationship plays out.
DEAR READERS: Happy Father’s Day to fathers everywhere — birth fathers, stepfathers, adoptive and foster fathers, grandfathers and all of you caring men who mentor children and fill the role of absent dads.
P.S. Also, a big shout-out to dual-role moms. I applaud you all — today and every day. — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
