Only one Labour backbencher came to the defense of the absent Sir Keir Starmer. This was Slinger, representing Rugby, who received some stern advice from Tory stalwart Sir Desmond Swayne (New Forest W).

‘Those that lick the feet of the unworthy,’ rasped Sir Des, ‘gain nothing for themselves but a dirty tongue!’

Sycophant Slinger slunk in his seat, pink as a plum.

The emergency debate in the Commons concerning the Mandelson situation was more harmful than such events typically are. The momentum is swiftly turning against the nasal knight.

Kemi Badenoch once again chipped away at Sir Keir’s standing. The SNP’s Stephen Flynn quipped, ‘What has happened to the moral office of prime minister?’ Meanwhile, Diane Abbott, who has been misrepresented by Starmer’s faction, remained silent.

The worrying revelation for Downing Street was that MPs on the government side were unexpectedly comfortable criticizing their leader. Although Richard Burgon (Leeds East) and Apsana Begum (Poplar) might be regular dissenters, even the stable, church-going Florence Eshalomi (Vauxhall) joined in, pointing out that black women in Labour receive less favorable treatment than Lord Mandelson. The newly appointed Chief Whip, Johnny Reynolds, stared down at his shoes. He himself is no follower of Mandelson.

Former RAF pilot Calvin Bailey (Lab, Leyton & Wanstead) was eager to contribute, constantly rising to speak. After Slinger’s ignominious departure, Mr. Bailey seemed to retreat, perhaps heading for the nearest cumulus clouds. The mission was called off.

Sir David Davis (Con, Goole & Pocklington) began with his lengthy remarks, outlining Lord Mandelson’s associations with criminals and miscreants. Someone of such a dubious nature should never have been put forward for the Washington embassy. ‘He has sold his conscience for financial gain,’ claimed Sir David.

Several Labour MPs were already heading for the exits, among them the Members for Monmouth and Colchester, two supposed Starmerites. Dame Emily Thornberry (Lab, Islington S) took care to say nothing helpful to Sir Keir. Leftwing independents chipped in with criticisms of the Prime Minister. Gisela Stuart watched from the peers’ gallery. She is the First Civil Service Commissioner, whose duty it is to stop politicians meddling with officialdom.

A keyed-up Mrs Badenoch challenged Labour MPs to look her in the eye as she criticised Sir Keir. They would not. All just gawped at their mobile telephones, where apparently some ‘lines to take’ had just been emailed from the Whips.

Apart from Mr Reynolds, the ministers in attendance were cannon fodder material. Among them: Chris Ward of the Cabinet Office. He used to be Sir Keir’s bag carrier. He kept shaking his head and pulling faces. Opposition MPs leapt on this foolishness and claimed that Mr Ward betrayed the insouciance of an unaccountable Downing Street. Mr Ward shrivelled in his ill-shaven pelt.

On it went, a litany of stinkiness, of procedures rushed or ignored. ‘No courage, no judgement, no backbone,’ thundered Mrs Badenoch of our premier. Julian Lewis (Con, New Forest E) said the ‘Prince of Darkness has turned into a grovelling Lord Yum-Yum’. He added that ‘the old scorpion simply can’t help what’s in its nature’. It was such a big day that Geoffrey Cox (Con, Torridge) had turned up. Putting his conscience before his legal fees for once. Amazing. The guide dog of Steve Darling (Lib Dem, Torbay) passed eloquent comment by rubbing its bottom on the Commons carpet.

Mr Flynn, a salty show-off, used the F-word (he was quoting Lord Mandelson) and described one of Jeffrey Epstein’s favoured perversions. Madam Deputy Speaker retrieved her monocle from her frontage and reminded the House that there were children in the gallery. Decent Jamie Stone (Lib Dem, Caithness) observed that his constituents this week have been talking about little but the Mandelson saga. This scandal, he concluded, was going to run.

Sir Alec Shelbrooke (Con, Wetherby) thought Sir Keir could be as guilty of lying to the Commons as Boris Johnson was on the Pincher affair – an untruth that led to Boris’s decapitation as PM.

Blimey. Maybe he has a point.